It amazes me how different every kid is and how stressful potty training is on parents. We tried with DD a few times and stopped when it became clear she wasn't ready. The third time she wanted to because her friends had big girl underwear and it was like someone else said, like a switch had been flipped. Within five days she was trained and it was her decision. She she became potty trained we had to train ourselves to ask her if she has to go or remind her to go before we leave the house. I can also find the restrooms in most grocery stores and big box stores
The mother of DD's friend was stressing about her daughter still being in diapers while a younger child wasn't. She already knew what we had done for DD, so she didn't need advice. I just reminded her that DD was older than her child and that her child was not behind, but right on time for their age. Sure enough, her child potty trained at the same age DD trained.
I think it was Vicki Lansky (author of some popular parenting books in the 1980s) who said something along the lines of "a few years after your child is trained, you'll wonder why it seemed like such a big deal". So true!
Re the cloth-diaper recommendation - my sons both used cloth diapers/cotton training pants and were not trained until about 2 1/2 years. That might not be considered "late" but it's not early, either.
OP, I really agree with PPs here. You need to understand that having had one child who trained early does not make you an expert, and the other mother is doing exactly what some qualified experts recommend.
I am trying very hard not to take offense to that. I never claimed to be an expert. Please read what I wrote before making such a statement. I never
claimed to be an expert. In fact, I do believe I specifically stated
It's not that her son is late or my daughter is early, it's just one of those milestones that every child hits eventually and doesn't really reflect on the child's intelligence.
which is exactly what several others have said, too. Just different kids hitting milestones at different times.
This acquaintance spent a fair amount of the evening whining and complaining about how her son wasn't potty trained (almost an hour in fact). I did not want to be a "knowitall" as I stated in my first post.
because this is a milestone that LK is hitting early, I was biting my tongue to avoid coming across like a knowitall. I didn't want to be pushy.
I kept my mouth shut precisely because I knew that anything I might say in that moment would come across absolutely wrong, no matter how well meant.
I just don't think it's fair on her son to expect him to hit this all on his own and then whine when he doesn't hit it "early" or on the timetable she wants for him. If she wants him trained at a particular age, she does need to actually take action.
But because this was something that was so clearly upsetting her, I asked about it because I wondered if it might be taken well later. Wondering that doesn't make me a knowitall. I am sorry if that was ever communicated. I wondered if it would be overstepping (and rude) or if it might be helpful. Obviously it is overstepping and rude. Ergo, Miss Knitterly's mouth stays shut and her email silent.
I totally get that leaving your kid to figure it out on their own is a valid parenting technique. That's not
what is happening. She is expecting him to figure it out on his own on her
timetable. And THAT is what does not work. Ever. Show me a toddler who decided to train themselves because their diapers irritated their parent and I will eat my words (and a slice of humble pie). I don't think it's arrogant to say that, either. Most kids don't go "gee, my diapers bug my mom, I'd better sort this potty thing out pronto."
And a side note re the cloth diaper thing - that's why I said "what I've read" and "average age". Those are pretty important qualifiers. LKs age is actually a pretty common one among my local cloth diaper exchange. That's why I don't feel it's any big deal or that she's necessarily early. Different from a different kid, but not early - no more than my acquaintances son is late.
(edited to add: I also recognize as I re-read this that it may seem like I am contradicting myself when I say that LK is early and not early in the same breath. She's earlier than the typical - that doesn't make it a remarkable thing, which is why I also say she's not early. She's right for herself. My friend's kid is right for himself. But my friend thinks he ought to be doing things on a particular timetable and... see above about wanting him trained now on her timetable but with him doing all the work. I really hope that clarifies a bit.)
As to the etiquette issue of would it be overstepping to send an email along the lines of "Hey, do you think this would work?" the consensus seems pretty clear on an answer of "don't do it."