Mom's Disgusting Habit

[Honey]

I'm not even sure how to say this without being gross, but I need some advice.  I don't visit my parents all that often, since they live a good distance away.  On my last visit, I discovered that my mother has developed a very nasty habit of loudly passing gas where ever and when ever she feels like it.  Think - at the kitchen table, on the sofa while watching TV, next to me at the computer, in the car, etc.  This is not an age or health related issue from what I can tell.  Watching her, it appears to be intentional.  I'm embarrassed for her too, because she did it in front of DH also.  I am just completely disgusted.  Am I over reacting?  Has she just completely lost her mind?  Can I say anything?  What would I say?  Help!

[amylouky]

I think etiquette would dictate that you maintain the polite fiction that it didn't happen, and do not say anything.
I also think that if she hasn't always done this, it could very well be a health related issue that you aren't aware of..

[Twik]

Well, first, it's your mom, and I think you can say something to her if she appears to be deliberately disrespecting you.

On the other hand, you say it's not health related "from what you can tell". Trust me, the digestive tract can change as we age. It may be that your mother has decided if she can't spare you the effects, she will at least spare you the gruesome details of what is going on in her innards.

[TootsNYC]

I think people can hold in gas until they go into a different room.
And perhaps *sometimes* a person can control how the gas comes out.

And when it comes to burping, I do know people who can deliberately make themselves burp.

But I've personally never been able to deliberately make myself fart. Not from scratch, anyway.

If I'm in my home, I don't necessarily want to hold it in all the time and walk into the bathroom to let it out. 

The gas is there, and perhaps I can influence how it comes out (i.e., speed things up, which may also, as a side effect, make it louder). But if I ever do that (and I have), it's not because I'm trying to be gross but because that gas is uncomfortable in its current position, and getting it all out at once is probably going to be more comfortable in the long run.

I'd bring up first any concern about her health--excess gas is not a sign of health. And with a family member, I think you can absolutely say, "Would you please make an effort to step into the bathroom before you pass gas? It smells amazingly awful, and it grosses me out to hear it."

[Outdoor Girl]

I think people can hold in gas until they go into a different room.
[snip]
I'd bring up first any concern about her health--excess gas is not a sign of health. And with a family member, I think you can absolutely say, "Would you please make an effort to step into the bathroom before you pass gas? It smells amazingly awful, and it grosses me out to hear it."

I can't always hold it - it sneaks out on me quite regularly.  Additionally, I live alone and the only living things I disturb are the cats so I don't often think about consciously controlling it.  Believe me, the look on the face of the cat who is lying on the other end of the couch is priceless.   

I do agree with your idea to discuss it with her but I would use 'step away' rather than 'step into the bathroom'.  It isn't always possible to move that far, depending on where the bathroom is located in relation to where you are sitting.

[TootsNYC]

oops--I left out the "sometimes."

I think people can *sometimes* hold the gas until they go into the other room.

Honest, that's what I MEANT to type.

[wheeitsme]

Does she make it clear that she is aware that you are noticing?  My first thought was that she might have an issue with her hearing - that she doesn't realize how loud she is being.  And I know that my mother lost a chunk of her sense of smell with menopause.

[amylouky]

This thread reminds me of an old joke..

An elderly woman goes to her doctor for a checkup. While there, she mentions that she has noticed that lately, her farts are completely odorless and silent. In fact, she's passed several of them during the appointment!
Her doc nods knowingly, and writes her a prescription. At her next appointment, he asks how it worked.
"Oh, horribly, doctor!" she complains. "Now when I pass gas, it is still silent but the smell is just awful!"
Her doc nods, and says, "Great. We've got your sense of smell fixed.. now let's work on your hearing!"


(sorry, couldn't resist)

[MrsJWine]

Do you guys have an easygoing relationship? Because with my parents it would be totally acceptable to say, "Ew, Mom! Gross!" No one's feelings would be hurt, but it would get the point across.

[hobish]

"Gesundheit!"
That is what i say to ...erm, someone ... and the dogs when they do that.

[Luci45]

Yes, digestive systems change as we age. That is why old people are sometimes referred to as 'old farts'.

I have found that my diet really makes a difference!

I would be understanding and encourage her to watch her diet and the effects of certain foods and drinks.

[sparksals]

What was the protocol in your family when growing up?  In mine, it was perfectly acceptable to let them roll in the house, except at the dinner table or if we had company - unless we were on farting terms with them.  While they are not funny to everyone, they were to us and it was perfectly natural to express our displeasure at the smell and sound.

Was it an acceptable thing then?  If so, I don't think you can tell your mom what she can or cannot do in her house.  Passing gas is a perfectly natural thing and holding it isn't good for you (general). 

I know there are people uptight about farting.  For others, it is just a thing that naturally happens. 

[MrsJWine]

What was the protocol in your family when growing up?  In mine, it was perfectly acceptable to let them roll in the house, except at the dinner table or if we had company - unless we were on farting terms with them.  While they are not funny to everyone, they were to us and it was perfectly natural to express our displeasure at the smell and sound

Hah! "On farting terms" is my new favorite phrase. It's actually a pretty good descriptor of a certain level of comfortableness in a relationship. And our family is much the same. I expect that if my kids ever want to stop hearing it, they'll say something instead of being embarrassed for me. There's no need for that. I'm not going to go cry in a corner if they tell me it grosses them out, and I don't need to be pitied like I'm some poor helpless woman.

[Sophia]

Is anyone else thinking of the "How I met your mother" farting episode where Barney and whats-her-face were both sneaking out of the apartment to fart?

[cutecupcake]

If it bothers you, I def think you should talk to your mom about the issue. In my family, a good fart always leads to a good laugh.