Am I selfish for missing family Christmas?

[AmethystAnne]

When the younger sisters call or text you, stand up straight, picture yourself looking them in the eye, and then politely repeat your choice of staying home. Then when they start to argue with you about it, you can use my favorite phrase:

 "No amount of arguing is going to make me change my mind."  Then tack on...."But you are welcome to drive down here for a visit if you care to.  We'd love to see you."

[Katana_Geldar]

Thanks for the support, my FH said he was proud of me. His opinion of my sisters is not very high, further encouraged that way by the dramas they've kicked up about our wedding. I wonder, do they know how bad they're making it for themselves?

But I know if I don't stand up for us now, I never will.

[nuit93]

My FH and I are getting married in January and we decided (back in September or earlier) that we'd like to spend Christmas at home, with just us. Around this time my Mum (who lives two hours away from us) was organising a dinner with my sisters and my aunt in the city, rather near us. It did seem very nice but we both felt strongly about what we wanted to do and declined, saying we were not going to attend but they could drop by for a visit if they wished.

We feel strongly about this as its the first Christmas before we are married and it is something I want to share with him. There will undoubtably be other years where we visit family. There's also the fact that FH has spent a few Christmases alone and I have had particularly bad ones ruined by my stepdad (who seems to enjoy tormenting people) and my sisters. It is SO NICE to think that I can have one nice Christmas and not have to worry about ANY of that.

Well... Ever since I told people there has been no end of drama. My mum decided to cancel the dinner in the city and have it at home. Fair enough. My younger and youngest sisters have now decided that I am selfish for wanting to spend Christmas with FH and have tried to convince me to change my mind. Which I won't, and have convicted me to be stronger about this.

They just don't seem to get it. That when things happen in your life (like getting married) things change. There's also the fact that they're used to running straight over me to get their own way and I just refuse to roll over anymore.

Any advice? I had no idea when I got engaged that things would be like this.

I think they're the selfish ones for not letting you have some peace and quiet away from torment.

[White Lotus]

Things change.  Our own family traditions may seem set in stone, but they aren't.  There are always exceptions -- sibs visit in-laws, people go on vacations, grown children can't get home or want to do things with their friends or their own families alone for once, we can't ski Christmas Day because there is no snow or somebody's sick or somebody has to go on a business trip the next day.  People don't like change, but that is tough.  Change is a part of life.  Your family needs to accept that and get over it.  "This is what we are doing this year."  Lather, rinse, repeat.

[gramma dishes]

Yes how selfish of you to take away your stepfather's favorite target! Who is he going to pick on now?  He might start picking on them!  How dare you not serve as the entertainment for people who have ruined previous holidays.

Ok I just abused sarcasm there.    ...

Quite the contrary!  I think it was superbly appropriate use of sarcasm!    

Truth + humor!  That's 'good' sarcasm! 

[weeblewobble]

Yes how selfish of you to take away your stepfather's favorite target! Who is he going to pick on now?  He might start picking on them!  How dare you not serve as the entertainment for people who have ruined previous holidays.

Ok I just abused sarcasm there.    ...

Quite the contrary!  I think it was superbly appropriate use of sarcasm!    

Truth + humor!  That's 'good' sarcasm!

(curtsies)