Author Topic: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?  (Read 4621 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Mental Magpie

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4831
  • ...for the dark side looks back.
Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« on: November 14, 2012, 09:09:54 PM »
Mental Sister is pregnant and due in March.  Is there any etiquette regarding for whom I get Christmas gifts in this case?

Do I:

A) Get something each for Mental Sister and BIL that has nothing to do with the baby without getting something for the baby? (Two gifts)
B) With getting something separate for the baby, too? (Three gifts)
C) Get something for Mental Sister that has only to do with the baby and something separate for BIL? (Two gifts)
D) Get something for Mental Sister, BIL, and the baby all in one? (One gift)
E) Or something of which I'm not thinking?
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

snowdragon

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2200
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2012, 09:14:13 PM »
Well, do you want to start buying family gifts or individual gifts. decide that and go from there. As far as I am aware there is no etiquette rule that says either is the right way to go

Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12873
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2012, 09:34:21 PM »
Personally, I wouldn't give a Christmas gift to a baby that isn't even born yet.  There are so many things that can happen between now and then.  Hopefully and probably not but the possibility is there.

So I would gift Mental Sister and BIL as you intend to gift them from this point forward.  If you intend to give them individual gifts, I'd do that.  If you intend to give them family gifts, start this year with a coupley gift for MS and BIL and then next year, add something for the baby.

ETA a word.
« Last Edit: November 14, 2012, 09:49:11 PM by Outdoor Girl »
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

Jelaza

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 185
  • Meow
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2012, 09:45:05 PM »
I would say get either individual gifts for them, or a couple gift for them, depending on how you plan to go on in the future.  Choice B would be okay also, if you see something that you want to get for the baby that couldn't wait to be a shower or welcome-baby gift.

Absolutely do not do Choice C, as that will come across as seeing Sister as a baby-maker only and not as an individual.

(Choice D can wait til next year.  Next year's can either be B or D, depending on if your future plan is individual gifts or family gifts.  Well, another alternative for next year is get a couple gift for the parents and separate gift for baby.)

Rohanna

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2311
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2012, 10:02:54 PM »
I would not get a gift for futurebaby, but I would sign a nice card to the expecting parents with a sentiment in it along the lines of how nice it will be next year to have a new baby around at Xmas, and address it to MentalSis, BIL and "future baby" (whatever it is being referred to :) )/

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. ~ Jack Layton.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28713
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2012, 10:27:08 PM »
I don't give presents to people who aren't born yet.

And I don't like to "reduce" someone to being "the pregnant person." She didn't stop being your sister, right? She still likes the same bands, the same food, the same hobbies. So I get presents for the *person*, not for the life stage.

The baby shower is the time to get a present for the life stage.

kelly_jeanie

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 80
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2012, 10:49:10 PM »
I don't know if it's proper etiquette, but when my sister was pregnant at Christmas I bought a little something for my niece or nephew, and she did the same for me.  We both got a kick out of seeing something under the tree for the baby we already felt was part of the family. 

As far as what to get for your sister, I agree with the above of getting something for the person and not the life stage (unless of course she's asking for something specifically related to being pregnant, like a pregnancy pillow, or if she's mentioned taking up knitting and wants a book on baby projects).

kareng57

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12184
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #7 on: November 14, 2012, 11:05:31 PM »
I too would simply give "ordinary" Christmas presents for the parents.

Baby gifts could wait for a shower, or a baby-welcome party, or simply a private visit once the parents were home with the baby.

MrsJWine

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8745
  • I have an excessive fondness for parentheses.
    • Wallydraigle
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #8 on: November 14, 2012, 11:07:31 PM »
I would do any of those except for C. To some mothers and pregnant women, it can start to feel like you disappear when the baby comes on the scene. I fully expected to give up a chunk of my life, convenience, time, freedom, and more when I had kids, but I think it would really hurt if my husband got a Christmas gift for himself and I got a gift for the not-yet-born baby. I would actually get a gift for the baby only (and none for your sister or BIL) before I would do option C.

ETA: A is my first choice. Getting something for the baby, too, is really nice, but I doubt you have unlimited funds. :)


I have a blog.  I hate that word.


Utah

WillyNilly

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7490
  • Mmmmm, food
    • The World as I Taste It
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #9 on: November 14, 2012, 11:25:43 PM »
I would do either personal gifts for MS & BIL or a couple gift but it would definitely be very very "adult" and "no kids yet" centered.  A gift cert to a fancy restaurant comes to mind.  Because this is it.  This is their last Christmas ever for the rest of their lives where they are childless.  Forever.  No matter what happens this is the last time before the kid came. So I'd really try to focus on that - they have the rest of their lives to have Christmas' that focus on their kids, or someday grandkids. (Not that there's anything wrong with their future, just saying their present and past were worthwhile too, and why not help them relish those last moments?) Not to mention isn't this their first married Christmas?

MommyPenguin

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3840
    • My blog!
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #10 on: November 14, 2012, 11:33:16 PM »
I'd get something for my sister and for my BIL, either a joint gift or separate gifts, depending on what ideas you come up with.

Then, if you can think of anything that might be a good baby gift, you could do that as well.  There are also plenty of "baby" gifts that are really for the parents to *use* for the baby, to make their lives easier.  A baby carrier, for instance, or a swaddling blanket.  Etc.  I probably wouldn't get baby clothes, toys, etc. yet.  I *might* get an ornament or something, but it wouldn't be a "baby's first Christmas" type of thing because it won't be, assuming the baby won't be born until after Christmas.

O'Dell

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4372
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #11 on: November 14, 2012, 11:52:00 PM »
Option E? Get one gift for sister and BIL without factoring in the baby. This advice is specific to you because I thought you were trying to distance yourself from your sister. Did I miss an update on that situation? Are you on better terms with her? If not, then I think a family gift without the baby is the safest, most easily defended option you have.

(Was it chance that your new username has Dark Sister become Mental Sister? :P)
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
Walt Whitman

AylaM

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 320
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #12 on: November 15, 2012, 12:58:01 AM »
Not C.

When an extended family member was pregnant we had a Christmas party.  I got her an 'adult gift', and everyone else bought her 'baby gifts'.  She cried.  Not there, but she cried.  She actually pulled me aside later to thank me for thinking of her, not the baby.  I felt bad because if my budget had been different she'd have gotten baby stuff.  As it was she got the 'adult gift' because I got it as part of a sale and though she'd like it.

I wouldn't get something that is "To: Baby", as the baby isn't born yet.  But if you see something you'd like to get, you can wrap it up separately and give it as an additional gift "I saw this and couldn't wait to give it to you".

But the rest (joint gifts vs single gifts) is all up to you.
« Last Edit: November 15, 2012, 01:05:36 AM by KayMarie »

LadyClaire

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9844
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #13 on: November 15, 2012, 08:11:50 AM »
My sister was 4 months pregnant last Christmas.

I got her and my BIL gifts that were non-baby related, but I also got a couple of very small things (a rattle and a receiving blanket) and put them in a little bag marked "For Baby Lastname".

I dislike giving someone only baby gifts for christmas. Especially if the gifts are only given to the mother-to-be while the father-to-be gets regular gifts. After we bought our house, every single gift giving occasion people gave me housewares. Cutting boards, oven mitts, dish cloths, a floor cleaner, and so on, while my husband was given fun things like video games and electronics and clothes. It really sucked on christmas morning opening up a steam mop and a pack of cutting boards while everyone around me was opening Shiny Fun Gadgets, especially since I hadn't bought anything nice/fun for myself since we'd bought the house because I was spending money on housewares.

I view baby gifts as the same way. A couple of small baby things are OK, as long as you're not making that the only gifts you give the mother-to-be.

Mental Magpie

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4831
  • ...for the dark side looks back.
Re: Christmas gifts for pregnant people?
« Reply #14 on: November 15, 2012, 08:46:26 AM »
I forgot to mention that there will be no baby shower  :-[  Kind of important to include ( ::) at self).

O-Dell, we are on speaking terms and attending family counseling once or twice a month.  We still don't fully get along.  (I giggle every time I use Mental now instead of Dark; I went from sinister to crazy  >:D)
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.