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Party Parameters, updated page 1

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DH and I are throwing a party this weekend for a dear friend who moved away last year and is returning to visit for two weeks.  We volunteered for this, and we're hosting about 15 people.

People involved:
Ben (returning friend)
Josh (friend with whom Ben will be staying for the duration of his visit)
Sue (wife of Josh)
Molly (mostly friends with Ben and Josh)

The issue is that I didn't really want to invite Molly, partly because I personally don't care for her and partly because I'm not a huge fan of her behavior at parties.  I discussed this with Josh, who told me that cutting her out would likely cause a huge amount of drama between Ben, Molly, Sue, and himself.  I'm not willing to hang on to my dislike to the point of causing issues for others, so I told Josh it was fine to just invite her.  I would like to talk to Josh about some conditions of her invitation.

Stipulations are as follows:

-If Molly gets very drunk, she is NOT welcome to sleep it off at our house.  Josh and Sue need to take her away.  I don't care where.
-If Molly "falls" into the pool, we do not have dry clothes to lend her (this has happened in the past, and we have not had our things returned).  I hope she doesn't fall in - it's cold.
-Molly is not welcome to bring any of her rotating cast of strange boyfriends, and I WILL turn him away at the door.  I'm pretty sure one of them was responsible for some missing Ambien in the past, of course, I can't prove it.

The question is, is it very rude of me to discuss these conditions with Josh?  I've already said it's fine to invite her, but Josh knows I am reluctant.  Is it very mean of me to put conditions on an invitation like this?

It is fine to state that the invite is just for her and that she can't spend the night. Instead of addressing the chance of her falling in the pond, I would go with a blanket "She can come, but if I ask you to take her home, you have to take her right then" ( put her in taxi, drive her, whatever)

Basically she comes on probation and the person who wants her there is responsible for like. Kinda like a parent with a small child.

Also, you can just say "No" and tell josh to blame you.

rose red:

--- Quote from: Deetee on November 15, 2012, 02:06:51 PM ---It is fine to state that the invite is just for her and that she can't spend the night. Instead of addressing the chance of her falling in the pond, I would go with a blanket "She can come, but if I ask you to take her home, you have to take her right then" 

--- End quote ---

Also, "I'm also not permitting uninvited guests.  Any will be turned away at the door." (ETA: Deetee included that too.  I misread)

Don't mention clothes.  If she falls into the pool, just say you are not lending out clothes and you understand if she need to go home (if you want to be nice, which you don't have to, prepare to have an old towel around that you don't mind losing).

I would also find a way to lock the bedroom doors.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with Josh and will take him at his word.  I suggest you tell him you will extend an invitation to Molly at his request, but by making the request knowing your concern, he is accepting full responsibility for Molly.  And that includes:
a)telling Molly the invitation is for her only
b)being the one to pull her asside to tell her she'll need to leave if she shows up with an univited guest
c)dealing with any drama she creates, including providing dry clothes if necessary
d)being willing to leave early to take Molly home if she becomes to disruptive

Not to be mean, but it's like the person who asks if it is OK to bring their dog when visiting  for the weekend.  You can say yes, but you can also make sure they are responsible for caring and controlling the pet while visiting.   

Given Molly's past behavior, you are wise to put stipulations on her behavior. 

In the normal course of events, she would not deserve an invitation back to your house.  Josh is requesting that she come because he fears that she will cause drama if she is not invited.  This is basically putting his "problem" onto you.

I think that you need to put the responsibility of Molly back onto Josh, using the excellent suggestions of your own and from the PP.  Perhaps if Josh realizes that he is responsible for Molly the idea of her coming will be less appealing.

If Josh and Sue carpool with Molly they may have to leave early to take her home, perhaps taking Ben with them.  That would certainly put a damper on the party.  If Molly drives herself you may worry about how much she has had to drink.  Either situation seems difficult

I also think that you can just say *no* to this person.  Given her history she is unlikely able to behave herself in a civil fashion, and is probably going to cause problems.  You might as well get her drama of not being invited over with now, without having another annoying incident at a party.


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