What do you think is a reasonable gift from grandparents?

[TootsNYC]

And it may not be so much the type of gifts as it is that your parents call, ask to speak with the kids, have a warm and loving tone of voice. And SEE the kids more, and perhaps are warmer.

When it's not a matter of finances or location, I don't have a big problem with kids caring for one set of grandparents more than the other. I think it's important that kids end up with an *accurate* relationship with their relatives.

(and my plan to be an awesome mother-in-law is to buy ONE present at Christmas or holidays. Because I remember choking in stuff, and I remember feeling that I couldn't buy my kid anything.)

[gramma dishes]

Perhaps your oldest isn't noticing the difference in the amount of gifts, so much as the type of gifts. Coathangers? There's a difference between receiving smaller, fewer or less expensive gifts, and being given inappropriate gifts. I am a big fan of practical gifts, and to be honest, I would probably like receiving coathangers, but I doubt any child ever would appreciate a gift like that from their grandparents for christmas.

Yeah, I really can't imagine any child getting really excited about coat hangers.  But a DOG chew toy for a real live human baby?  That's even worse!

I think you're right though.  I think the children have perceived that one set of grandparents love them more than the other set for other reasons than the number of gifts, or even types of gifts.  It's the type and frequency of personal interaction between grandparents and kids that makes the difference.

[Yvaine]

Perhaps your oldest isn't noticing the difference in the amount of gifts, so much as the type of gifts. Coathangers? There's a difference between receiving smaller, fewer or less expensive gifts, and being given inappropriate gifts. I am a big fan of practical gifts, and to be honest, I would probably like receiving coathangers, but I doubt any child ever would appreciate a gift like that from their grandparents for christmas.

Yeah, I really can't imagine any child getting really excited about coat hangers.  But a DOG chew toy for a real live human baby?  That's even worse!

Yeah, that's Dursley level right there!

[ellasaunt]

Perhaps your oldest isn't noticing the difference in the amount of gifts, so much as the type of gifts. Coathangers? There's a difference between receiving smaller, fewer or less expensive gifts, and being given inappropriate gifts. I am a big fan of practical gifts, and to be honest, I would probably like receiving coathangers, but I doubt any child ever would appreciate a gift like that from their grandparents for christmas.

Yeah, I really can't imagine any child getting really excited about coat hangers.  But a DOG chew toy for a real live human baby?  That's even worse!

Yeah, that's Dursley level right there!

I am sorry to report that those 'gifts' were on the higher end of the spectrum - we have had some doozies in the last number of years. Half empty packet of baby wipes anyone? Nothing says Happy Birthday like dried wipes! I think the true issue there is that my in-laws have a problem with me, and take it out on the boys. Not fair, not right, but it is what it is. I don't play the game, and keep my kids away from it as much as possible. Dh is learning, albeit very slowly, and supports me in the decsion to keep minimal contact.

[Mikayla]

I think the children have perceived that one set of grandparents love them more than the other set for other reasons than the number of gifts, or even types of gifts.  It's the type and frequency of personal interaction between grandparents and kids that makes the difference.

This is what I'm picking up on, too.  It would be different (and easier!) if the Big Box Gift Givers were more distant, or didn't seek out as much time as they could.  Then it could be a "teaching moment" about not buying affection.

But it sounds like these grandparents are very generous in all aspects of their giving.

Mine were like that.  One set took me on trips, but that grandfather also loved nothing better than hearing me play the piano or telling us long bedtime stories.   The other set gave the good gifts, but loved to teach is how to bake fun treats, and that grandma sewed more doll clothes for us than can be counted.  Maybe it's just about balance.

[Sophia]

I wouldn't worry about it until it reached the point that they started to not appreciate the toys they had. 

A few months ago, I was talking to a Mom at the Mother's bible study.  She was frustrated with her daughter because she refused to pick up her puzzle that morning.  I mentioned the Love and Logic idea that you give the kid one chance to pick stuff up and after that anything the parent picks up, they keep.  The mom said her daughter wouldn't care because she has so many other puzzles.  I worry about where the line is between our daughter having too much and too little toys.  I made a mental note to myself that THERE was a signpost of too much. 

But, I think kids are smart enough to figure out that Grandparents are different.  In your situation, I would also probably make a deal with my parents that they can gift X gifts within Y price-range and Z size.  After that the gifts have to be stuff off their Amazon list.  Legos and books are without limit. 

I had to laugh at the Legos comment.  My daughter is 28 months and she says "More Legos" and "More books", but hasn't requested anything else.

[Mammavan3]

As a grandparent, I would very much resent having my gift-giving parameters set by the other set of GPs. IMO, parents have the right to determine the type and number of gifts because of their values, but tying it to the abilities and/or preferences of anyone else seems wrong to me. I would find it just as rude asking one set to increase their gift-giving to match the more bountiful gifts coming from the other family if the financial circumstances were the same.

We give a sizable check for DGS's 529 each Christmas and birthday, but we would probably stop doing it if we were asked to do so in lieu of presents.  It seems very rude.

[kckgirl]

When I was growing up, my paternal grandparents had just two grandchildren, my brother and me, and they lived a 10-minute drive away. My maternal grandparents had 18 grandchildren and lived a nine-hour drive away. I was an adult (in my 40s or so) before I realized that we never got Christmas and birthday gifts from the faraway grandparents. They spent a lot of time with us when we went to visit. The nearby grandparents showered us with gifts, but we didn't really compare. It was a classic case of "it is what it is" and we just accepted it as is. We were slightly closer to the nearby grandparents, but that was only because we saw them every week versus 3-4 times a year.

[girlysprite]

I notice that larger amounts spent on gifts also bothers my DH somewhat. It has been a bit of an issue for him now that we are about to become parents. Lately, an aunt Of mine has given me quite a comsiderable sum (bit over 100 dollars) to buy something for the baby. The reason she gave a momatary gift is because she didn't know what we still needed. This aunt is one of my favorite aunts, and I stayed over at her home for 1-2 weeks every summer as a kid.
My DH thought that the amount was too much, and asked me to hint at that the next time a gift of that size would come along. I don't plan to do so. The gift was given out of true generosity, and I did make sure to thank them well for it. I think hinting that it is too much would just be hurtful.

I do understand where he comes from, though I don't agree with it. We are able to afford anything we need, so he feels like we don't need all that 'help'. And he knows that my family has more to spend (also proven by the fact that my mother has given us considerable sums in the past as gifts), and he is afraid that they will outspend his parents when it comes to grandchild-gifts. Well, that might actually be likely, also due to the fact that it's my parents first grandchild and my pil's fourth. But I don't see it as an issue, and I trust my parents not to overstep boundaries.