I've posted before about issues with BIL, and MIL's enabling of him. Well.. things have gotten worse. BIL did a stint in rehab, which only served to connect him with "friends" with better drugs. He's now graduated from pain pills/pot to meth and IV something or other.
MIL has decided (yet again) to let him move back in with her, after his last living situation fell apart. DH and I have made the decision that we will not be taking our children to her house while he is living there, and we will not be attending family events at which he is present. This decision was made much easier after he stole money from my purse at the last family event.
MIL is either really in denial about the extent of BIL's problems, or determined not to abandon him no matter how bad things get. I sort of understand this, and can respect that it's her choice to make. However, she is not respecting our decision to not be around him. And yes, we have spelled it out for her.. we will not be present if he is, and we won't be coming to her house while he is living there.
This didn't stop her from inviting BIL to my DH's birthday dinner (and yes, we had made it clear that the invitation was ONLY for her, not BIL). DH went to the dinner, just because he didn't want to have that fight on his birthday, but the boys and I stayed home. He had the fight a couple days later, and told her again in not as nice terms that we will NOT be around BIL. Period.
So.. she left a message on our voice mail about Thanksgiving. "Just wanted to see what your plans were for Thursday.. I'll be making a turkey, stop by around 4 if you can!"
I'm leaning toward ignoring the message completely, and just not showing up. We are going to decorate our Christmas tree and have dinner on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and I'd like to just call her (when I know she's at work) and leave a message inviting her to that, and not mention Thursday at all.
Is it horribly rude to just ignore her voice mail? My view is, she knows where we stand, so it's not a valid invitation since it completely ignores the boundaries we've set. If I do need to respond to it, should I tell her (again!) the reasons why we won't be there.. or just "That won't be possible"?
Also, how can I make it clear that BIL is not included in the invitation for Saturday?