When plus one turns into plus three

[mbbored]

A friend asked for my advice yesterday and since I couldn't think of a good answer, I thought I'd ask y'all.

Laura is getting married this spring and having a low budget backyard wedding. They only have space for 100 people so have had to not invite some people they would have wanted to otherwise. One person who did make the list is Laura's office mate of 5 years, Nelly. They're pretty good friends but Nelly has a habit  of proclaiming each guy as the one. Since Nelly won't know anybody there, Laura promised she could have a plus one.

Now it's almost time for invitations to go out and Nelly has a boyfriend of one month that she's crazy about. However,boyfriend has two sons and Nelly has started talking about how excited the boys are about going to the wedding.

Does Laura have to invite the kids as well? Her wedding isn't child-free but she hates to invite two children she's never met when she's leaving friends off the list.

[TootsNYC]

She needs to simply say to her friend, "I'm sorry--we can't invite the kids. We've already taken several family members and friends off, and the backyard is just too small. I only committed to a 'plus one,' so you'll have to tell the boys."

Ten to one the boys aren't THAT excited. Maybe a little bit, because kids often don't get invited to weddings anymore--it's much more common to not invite them.

She shouldn't worry about this, and simply matter-of-factly convey the *facts*.

[Shoo]

No, Laura doesn't have to invite the kids.  She has invited NELLY, and allowing Nelly to bring a date.  Nelly can't just go and add 2 more people to that.

She's going to have to stand up for herself here and speak to Nelly.  She needs to tell her that she is looking forward to meeting her boyfriend, but because of space restraints, his children are not invited and can't come.

Nelly needs a clue x four.

[NyaChan]

I agree with the others - Nelly was invited and told she could bring 1 guest.  She should be told that her invitation was for her and the boyfriend only.

[Outdoor Girl]

I agree, too.  Plus, with a boyfriend of one month, who knows if she will still be dating this guy by the time the wedding rolls around.

[gramma dishes]

I also agree with all the previous posters.  So far, it seems to be unanimous!   

[SpikeMichigan]

   Yep - she shouldn't have assumed the kids were invited.

  Anyhow, this leaves the option for her to attend with Man - kids with babysitter, alone while Man watches the kids or not at all.

[lowspark]

Another POD here. In my opinion, she was already too generous allowing Nelly a plus one in the first place. So what if she won't know anyone at the wedding? Surely she can make polite conversation and meet people. In a situation where the limit is such that people she would have wanted there are being left out, I wouldn't have made that +1 concession in the first place.

She just needs to explain the space limitations (again if necessary) to Nelly and say sorry, I'd love to be able to include everyone but your bf's kids are not inivited.

[Mikayla]

I also agree with all the previous posters.  So far, it seems to be unanimous!   

Annddd....it's still unanimous.

I wonder how long this will last before it isn't any more?

[kherbert05]

The children do not need to be invited.

[Pippen]

I am think even the new boyfriend is a bit hit and miss even without the kids. If they have only been seeing each other short while and she is on constant rotation with her gentleman friends it would just seem a bit strange having him there as an add on. OK fair enough she doesn't know others there but the HC are a bit stretched for cash and there would no doubt be someone else they would have preferred to invite rather than a workmates plus one.

[Brisvegasgal]

She's going to have to stand up for herself here and speak to Nelly.  She needs to tell her that she is looking forward to meeting her boyfriend, but because of space restraints, his children are not invited and can't come.

I like Shoo's wording as a response.  And agree that the kids are probably not at all excited about attending so saying no will probably be a non issue.

[Raintree]

Definitely does not have to invite the kids. It might be a little different if the kids were family and all their cousins would be there (for example) but Nellie has been told only that she can bring a DATE.

I think the best wording is something along the lines of, "Sorry, we are unable to invite his kids too due to space constraints. We've already had to cut the guest list significantly."

Only the specialest of special special snowflakes would be offended by that!!

[nuit93]

I'm a bit shocked that Nelly would think it's okay to bring the kids too--does she think they don't count as people? 

[bloo]

She's going to have to stand up for herself here and speak to Nelly.  She needs to tell her that she is looking forward to meeting her boyfriend, but because of space restraints, his children are not invited and can't come.

I like Shoo's wording as a response.  And agree that the kids are probably not at all excited about attending so saying no will probably be a non issue.

See I would have a different issue than OP's friend. I would be so angry at the request (I imagine myself having some anxiety in cutting special people from the guest list and now a 'friend' is foisting people I don't even know on me that she might not even be dating by the time the wedding comes around) that my struggle would be: "How do I shut this request down without being obviously angry at being ASKED?"

I would've had no problem in letting Nelly know 'No'. My problem would've been letting her know 'nicely'.

Yeah, yeah I know. People can ask for whatever and we can say 'no' to whatever but I really wish (like GenXr said in her other thread) that there was a reasonable standard for reasonable requests.