Cabernet: Yes, the main problem is that FF is so judgmental, but this isn't compartmentalized. I've come to realize that everything that she does and talks about is permeated with judgment. It took me a long time to realize it because she sugar-coats it with this very sweet-sounding faux concern, but it's all judgment, all the time.
"Oh, Donna, I know XH was a manipulative cheater, but he's a great father." (Uh, no.)
"Oh, Donna, I know you were recruited for a better job, but then you'll earn more than XH and you know what they say about that and family dynamics..." (There are no longer any family dynamics re XH, so please.)
"Oh, Donna, you said that XH was willing to consider counseling this time - you can't give up on him." (Yeah, "willing to consider" really means "Never.")
I'm simplifying this, but that's really how she rolls, and after she pulled this latest stunt, making something sordid out of what was pretty fantastic, I realized that there is nothing at all redeemable about her. I've opted to be a black hole, but she is still leaving messages that we "need" to talk. Yeah, my life is NOT a democracy so she doesn't get a vote.