9 yr old Birthday Party, Boys, Girls & Sleepovers

[wendelenn]

Hi all,

My son will be turning 9 in about a month. He wants a pizza party at The-Place-That-Must-Not-Be-Named (yeah, ok, Chuckies, lol) and then to go back to the house and have some fun and then have a slumber party.

He wants to invite 3 girls and 6 boys. Some know each other, some don't.

My problem is, I am not sure how to word the invitations, because he (and we) want the slumber party part to be boys only. The girls could be picked up by their parents at Chuckies or back at the house, but only the boys will spend the night.

Is this ok? If so, should I prepare separate invitations for boys and girls? How should I word them?

[Gwywnnydd]

I think you are fine with asking only the boys to spend the night. You can either write two different invitations, or a single invitation for the pizza party, and then extend the slumber party invite to the boys as they RSVP.

[Ciarrai]

I'd extend the invitation when the parents RSVP. If you want to put a note on the bottom of the invitation for the boys, you could do that as well.

I doubt anyone is going to be upset when their daughter is excluded from a co-ed sleepover at the age of 9.

[kareng57]

I'd do the two-sets of invitations.

Of course you could wait till the boys' parents reply, but then you could end up waiting for another reply - perhaps "oh, I think he might have a soccer game the next morning, I'll have to call back to let you know".  I'm all for simplicity...

[CakeEater]

I'd do the two-sets of invitations.

Of course you could wait till the boys' parents reply, but then you could end up waiting for another reply - perhaps "oh, I think he might have a soccer game the next morning, I'll have to call back to let you know".  I'm all for simplicity...

This.

[Hazelthyme]

While I'm normally not a fan of offering different levels of hospitality to different guests, this one is almost SO obvious that I can't imagine any of the parents OR kids would be offended even if you put all the info on one invitation. Twig (13) did this a few weeks ago, and had a line on the invitation, right under the "Friday, 7 pm until Saturday, 11 am" time info that said something along the lines of "Boys, please have your parents pick you up by 11 pm Friday" (written in a more teenager-ish tone, of course). It seemed to work pretty well, and I don't think either the guys or their parents were either offended at missing the sleepover piece of the party OR seriously worried that we'd allow middle schoolers to have a co-ed sleepover.

=HB

[TootsNYC]

I'd do the two-sets of invitations.

Of course you could wait till the boys' parents reply, but then you could end up waiting for another reply - perhaps "oh, I think he might have a soccer game the next morning, I'll have to call back to let you know".  I'm all for simplicity...

I agree with this. And also, when I plan events for my family, I want all the info. There is often a delicate balance, and finding out *later* that there's yet another component, especially something as imapctful on my schedule as a sleepover, I'd be sort of pissed.

However, I don't think the parents of the girls will expect the girls to stay on a sleepover. So don't worry too much about hiding the sleepover--just send them their own invites.

And coach your son on how to handle it--that he and his friend should simply not mention the sleepover in front of the girls, but if it does come up, he can say, "I can't have girls at the sleepover. But I really want them to come for the other fun stuff!"

(Personally, at 9 is when I would just about be ready to end co-ed sleepovers, but I might still send my daughter at that age. 10, maybe not; younger, definitely. And yes, I know I'm weird.)

[LifeOnPluto]

I agree that this isn't an A List / B List thing. As such, I see nothing wrong with only inviting the boys to stay the night. I think that separately worded invites for the boys and girls is the way to go.

[mamakinz]

I'd just add a line to the invite. One of my sons friends always invites the boys to stay over after parties at his house -- they are all 12/13; and his mom sends out one email to everyone, and just says "the boys are welcome to spend the night after the party".  And this is for birthday party, yearly Halloween party and any other excuse for a party that my sons group of friends comes up with.

If I had a girl, I wouldn't even blink at the overnight part for the boys only. And I wouldn't see it as different levels of hospitality.

[Hmmmmm]

I think you fine with either sending separate invites or attaching a line stating a boys only sleep over.  I wouldn't wait for the RSVP though. 

[AmethystAnne]

I think that having the girls be dropped off and picked up at CC would be good.

[The Wild One, Forever]

I think that having the girls be dropped off and picked up at CC would be good.

This would be a good solution, I think.

Hope everyone has fun!  I kind of wish my own kid were still nine and partying it up at Chuck E's.  Good times.

[joraemi]

I agree with the PPs.  If my 9yo girl were included in a co-ed sleepover invite at a boy's house, all my red flags would be up!

[Gwywnnydd]

I agree with the PPs.  If my 9yo girl were included in a co-ed sleepover invite at a boy's house, all my red flags would be up!

OTOH, my last co-ed sleepover was when I was 10. So it does happen with no ill intent.

[LadyL]

I agree with the PPs.  If my 9yo girl were included in a co-ed sleepover invite at a boy's house, all my red flags would be up!

OTOH, my last co-ed sleepover was when I was 10. So it does happen with no ill intent.

Yeah, 9 is prepubescent for most kids. I definitely shared rooms with my male cousins around that age when we'd have family reunions at my aunt's house (I know it being family may be slightly different). If the group as a whole has not reached the dynamic of the drama of schoolyard crushes/"boyfriends and girlfriends" or wanting lots of privacy due to physical changes I don't think it's necessary a problem to have a co-ed sleepover. You just need to know your group, which the OP seems to and has made a choice that works for her.