Avoiding being a pregnancy SS

[Ceallach]

The fact that you even care about how your exhaustion affects others means you are not in any way being SS.  From what I have been able to glean from your posts, you work hard, you care about your staff, you sound like the kind of boss/co-worker most people would like to have!  We have all worked with people who have a million ailments and everything is an excuse for them not handling their duties.  I do *not* think this is the case with you! 

IMO, you will be more effective in shorter spurts when you're not working yourself to the point of blind tiredness.  Get the rest you need and deserve, reasonable people understand.

Thank you, that's very kind of you to say.

The hard part is that I have 2 staff who are very new, so I guess there's a small part of me that feels I haven't had the chance for them to really "know" me as their manager yet.   Onboarding is such a critical stage of employment, I'd hate for their time here to not be a success because of me.   On the other hand, I'm hoping the relationship I have with my other staff will be enough for them to see that I'm approachable, reasonable, fair and supportive!        From my boss's perspective a lot of the work I do from home (strategy, reporting etc) is very valuable and she'd rather I did that than burnt out and did nothing.   But it's hard not being there for the team.  This thread has reassured me that I'm on track, and from today I'm no longer discussing how I feel or my reasons for leaving early etc (except for when I'm asked!) and will just focus on making my time here as productive as possible and using it to give them the face-time they need.

[girlysprite]

I have been in pretty much the same situation as you are in now (i'm almost 38 weeks now and on pregnancy leave). I'm also the kind of person who is hard on herself and quickly thinks of herself as SS (but I'm not one). You have to learn to respect your new physical and emotional boumdaries, and that is hard. I have had weeks where I felt stressed because I couldn't do all the household chores that I thought I needed to do - I was too exhausted from work. In the end I ende up working fewer hours, and my boss and I made a new work schedule for me. I'm also a manager, who also manages external people. By starting to ackowledge that I needed to work less on time, I still had the oppertunity to let people get used of me being around less, which was a step on the road of them getting used to me not being around at all.

And to be honest, it will likely get worse, at work and at home. It is a journey of acceptance - it certainly has been, and still is for me. But keep in mind that you do it for the baby. Stress and fatigue on a regular basis are not good for the unborn, which is a great excuse to take extra rest when you need...let me repeat it, when you NEED it. The people at your work know, your husband knows, time to get into the knowloop too!

Hope I'm not condencending, but I've been there too

[rashea]

Honestly, as an employee, I don't really want to always hear a reason. Because it does start to sound like an excuse. Just let me know that you'll be out a bit more, and when I can find you. If we have a friendship that includes asking each other about health, then fine. If not, then I don't really want to know.

Also, if someone was constantly saying, "I have to leave early, I didn't sleep last night" it would start to irritate me. Knowing it was temporary would help, but I don't get to leave early just because I'm tired. I don't get to leave early because I ache from head to toe.

[TootsNYC]

The fact that you even care about how your exhaustion affects others means you are not in any way being SS.  From what I have been able to glean from your posts, you work hard, you care about your staff, you sound like the kind of boss/co-worker most people would like to have!  We have all worked with people who have a million ailments and everything is an excuse for them not handling their duties.  I do *not* think this is the case with you! 

IMO, you will be more effective in shorter spurts when you're not working yourself to the point of blind tiredness.  Get the rest you need and deserve, reasonable people understand.

I agree--and if I were your coworker or even someone who worked under you, I'd be perfectly willing for you to have things a bit easier right now.

I am the kind of boss who *will* tell someone on my team to go home early because they're tired, etc. If you have ever cut people on your team some slack, then they'll be willing to do the same for you.

And I agree w/ rashea about this:

Honestly, as an employee, I don't really want to always hear a reason. Because it does start to sound like an excuse. Just let me know that you'll be out a bit more, and when I can find you. If we have a friendship that includes asking each other about health, then fine. If not, then I don't really want to know.

Also, if someone was constantly saying, "I have to leave early, I didn't sleep last night" it would start to irritate me. Knowing it was temporary would help, but I don't get to leave early just because I'm tired. I don't get to leave early because I ache from head to toe.

[Ciarrai]

I agree with rashea as well. Being tired after not getting a good night's sleep and backaches are not exclusive to pregnancy, and I would see them being used as excuses if I was told that was the reason you were going home early every day.

[hobish]

The fact that you even care about how your exhaustion affects others means you are not in any way being SS.  From what I have been able to glean from your posts, you work hard, you care about your staff, you sound like the kind of boss/co-worker most people would like to have!  We have all worked with people who have a million ailments and everything is an excuse for them not handling their duties.  I do *not* think this is the case with you! 

IMO, you will be more effective in shorter spurts when you're not working yourself to the point of blind tiredness.  Get the rest you need and deserve, reasonable people understand.

I agree--and if I were your coworker or even someone who worked under you, I'd be perfectly willing for you to have things a bit easier right now.

I am the kind of boss who *will* tell someone on my team to go home early because they're tired, etc. If you have ever cut people on your team some slack, then they'll be willing to do the same for you.

And I agree w/ rashea about this:

Honestly, as an employee, I don't really want to always hear a reason. Because it does start to sound like an excuse. Just let me know that you'll be out a bit more, and when I can find you. If we have a friendship that includes asking each other about health, then fine. If not, then I don't really want to know.

Also, if someone was constantly saying, "I have to leave early, I didn't sleep last night" it would start to irritate me. Knowing it was temporary would help, but I don't get to leave early just because I'm tired. I don't get to leave early because I ache from head to toe.

I think that is key. Avoiding being a special snowflake includes giving others the same leeway that you are being given/taking for yourself, and not making a big deal out of the fact that you get to leave because you are tired. Everybody is tired, everybody wants to leave work early. Pregnancy does not corner the market on exhaustion. Making too much can serve to make it seem like you *are* a special snowflake instead of the other way around. It doesn't sound like you are doing that; the matter-of-fact approach is the way to go IMO.

[WonderWoman]

I agree with the very good advice you've been given.

I just wanted to chime in to say, give yourself a break. You'll only be pregnant a few times in your life. It is a real medical condition. Give yourself a break.

I drove myself crazy during my pregnancy, worrying that people would think I was being a snowflake if I needed any help or accommodation. I ended up going into labor early on my way into work. (When I should have been on light duty, with my feet propped up.) I should have given myself a break.

Don't be me.

[cheyne]

~Snip~
No-one wins a medal for powering on through the late stages of pregnancy and working until the first contraction. ~Snip~

I wish someone would have told me that with my two!   

I don't expect my employees to tell me the details when they need time off, nor do I tell them details when I need time off.  It's a two-way street.  I like the idea of an email with your hours on it.  That way the entire staff knows when you'll be around, and you will be alert and focused when they do need you.

[turnip]

I'm going to agree with the general trend of the other replies.  Simply explain your new schedule to your coworkers and don't go into more detail.    I'll also point at that as well as some of your coworkers having backaches and poor night's sleep - some of your co-workers may well have given birth and not have had the same complications and considerations you've had.  So even "I'm pregnant, so I need to leave early" can sound like an excuse to someone who worked full time up to their due date.   ( It happens, I had easy pregnancies. )

[Outdoor Girl]

And please don't be like the woman I read about in the paper today.  She was driving herself, speeding, on the way to the hospital because she was in labour.  A cop pulled her over for speeding.  And delivered her baby on the side of the highway!   

[bopper]

The fact that you even care about how your exhaustion affects others means you are not in any way being SS.  From what I have been able to glean from your posts, you work hard, you care about your staff, you sound like the kind of boss/co-worker most people would like to have!  We have all worked with people who have a million ailments and everything is an excuse for them not handling their duties.  I do *not* think this is the case with you! 

IMO, you will be more effective in shorter spurts when you're not working yourself to the point of blind tiredness.  Get the rest you need and deserve, reasonable people understand.

Thank you, that's very kind of you to say.

The hard part is that I have 2 staff who are very new, so I guess there's a small part of me that feels I haven't had the chance for them to really "know" me as their manager yet.   Onboarding is such a critical stage of employment, I'd hate for their time here to not be a success because of me.   On the other hand, I'm hoping the relationship I have with my other staff will be enough for them to see that I'm approachable, reasonable, fair and supportive!        From my boss's perspective a lot of the work I do from home (strategy, reporting etc) is very valuable and she'd rather I did that than burnt out and did nothing.   But it's hard not being there for the team.  This thread has reassured me that I'm on track, and from today I'm no longer discussing how I feel or my reasons for leaving early etc (except for when I'm asked!) and will just focus on making my time here as productive as possible and using it to give them the face-time they need.

Also you are demonstrating that you do not expect people to be crazy and work when they physically cannot, but they should keep others informed as to their whereabouts and be available if possible to take emails.

[Ceallach]

And please don't be like the woman I read about in the paper today.  She was driving herself, speeding, on the way to the hospital because she was in labour.  A cop pulled her over for speeding.  And delivered her baby on the side of the highway!   

It's ok, the hospital is only 3 short blocks from my house - on quiet backstreets!   

[CakeBeret]

And please don't be like the woman I read about in the paper today.  She was driving herself, speeding, on the way to the hospital because she was in labour.  A cop pulled her over for speeding.  And delivered her baby on the side of the highway!   

It's ok, the hospital is only 3 short blocks from my house - on quiet backstreets!   

That still might not be enough time. I have a friend who delivered on her front lawn trying to get to the hospital.

[afbluebelle]

And please don't be like the woman I read about in the paper today.  She was driving herself, speeding, on the way to the hospital because she was in labour.  A cop pulled her over for speeding.  And delivered her baby on the side of the highway!   

Did she at least get out of the ticket?

[Outdoor Girl]

^Updated story today:  The husband was driving and they pulled up beside the cop, waving their arms and yelling that she was in labour.  Cop flipped his lights and started leading them through town at a high rate of speed (early in the morning so very little traffic).  The couple pulled over and the cop played 'catch' (his words) since the baby's head was already out.     And no one got a speeding ticket.

Mom and baby are doing fine.