Author Topic: Grandma wants a better rel[color=black]ationship[/color].  (Read 2077 times)

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learningtofly

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Grandma wants a better rel[color=black]ationship[/color].
« on: November 18, 2012, 12:33:23 PM »
So recently DH's SIL told him she thought MIL was hurting about her relationship with DD.  DD seems to love MIL while at their house, but wants nothing to with her anywhere else. I've explained to MIL that we don't get a lot of time with DD, we both work full time, and that it is alright for DD to prefer us. Except DD also prefers my parents and MIL has seen it.

My mom rocks with small kids.  Always has and I can see the way her great nieces and nephews love her and my dad. Other than her own kids MIL was never around little kids.  It shows. In my opinion MIL isn't great with her own kids.  Way too much yelling.

So my heart felt for MIL. It's hard to have a kid you love reject you. I thought up a great holiday present she can share with DD and when she called told DH to invite her to dinner. She lit into DH about DD eating brownies at an event. She apparently missed the part where dd had dinner first. She pushed all of DH's buttons, they yelled, and he's been awful ever since.

I imagine the yelling is part of why DD doesn't like her. She likes quiet and MIL isn't warm and fuzzy. But MIL has a thick skin and her lack of relationship with DD is getting to her. So how does one politely tell a leopard to change her spots?  She isn't the cooking baking grandma and she doesn't need to be, but how do I tell her to drop the sarcasm and attitude?  And take it down a few decibels?

suzieQ

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Re: Grandma wants a better rel[color=black]ationship[/color].
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2012, 01:51:33 PM »
Maybe just tell her DD is rather a sensitive child, and when *anyone* yells, it upsets her. Don't make it about MIL's personality, just this is how DD responds to yelling, no matter who it is.
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SPuck

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Re: Grandma wants a better rel[color=black]ationship[/color].
« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2012, 02:08:47 PM »
The only thing you can do in this situation is stay out of it unless MIL's personality traits have a negative impact on your DD.

It isn't your job to make your MIL a better grandma. The only person who can change her attitude is herself. Now if she came to you asking "how can I have a better relationship with my granddaughter" that would be different. But you don't. What you do have, at its best, is a third party making an observation on a relationship that does not concern them. At it worse it could be a manipulation tactic.
« Last Edit: November 18, 2012, 02:11:39 PM by SPuck »

LeveeWoman

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Re: Grandma wants a better rel[color=black]ationship[/color].
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2012, 02:25:13 PM »
The only thing you can do in this situation is stay out of it unless MIL's personality traits have a negative impact on your DD.

It isn't your job to make your MIL a better grandma. The only person who can change her attitude is herself. Now if she came to you asking "how can I have a better relationship with my granddaughter" that would be different. But you don't. What you do have, at its best, is a third party making an observation on a relationship that does not concern them. At it worse it could be a manipulation tactic.

I wonder if the SIL is a flying monkey of her own will or if her mom put her up to it.

bonyk

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Re: Grandma wants a better rel[color=black]ationship[/color].
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2012, 03:33:30 PM »
She lit into DH about DD eating brownies at an event. She apparently missed the part where dd had dinner first.

I'm sure you realize this, but this part stuck out to me.  It's really not MIL's business even if DD hadn't eaten dinner first.  You and DH have all the brownie eating authority.

I also think you should stay out of it unless MIL asks you what she can do to be more appealing to DD.  I also agree with LeveeWoman about the flying monkey.