General Etiquette > Family and Children

Calling MIL out on false cries of poverty.

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It is okay for her to choose where to spend her money.  Maybe she has budgeted for spa service but not for lunches out and destination parties.

It is okay for you all to take her comments as comments and not commands.
"Taco Bell is fine with me!"
like others said, for your DH to decide what he can budget for taking his mom out and then do it.


--- Quote from: yokozbornak on November 18, 2012, 03:15:48 PM ---I don't think you can really call her out on it, but you can ignore it and not take hints.  If she claims she can only eat at Taco Bell because she's broke, then your husband should smile and say he's been craving Taco Bell.  If she complains she can't afford to attend your party, tell her you will miss her. 
--- End quote ---


I would also suggest to your husband that he take into account her habits when he arranges to meet with her, so he can (depending on what he wants / feels *he and you* can afford) say either "I would like to take you out to lunch at [name of restaurant] - my treat" or "it would be good to spend some time with you. Why don't we meet for coffee / meet in the park and bring sandwiches" or "yes, I'm happy to join you for lunch. Where do you want to meet?" If she then makes comments about the price then he can revert to yokobornak's suggestion or alternatively say "but Mom, I specifically asked you where you wanted to meet so we could meet somewhere that suited both of our budgets"


--- Quote from: GSNW on November 18, 2012, 03:59:09 PM ---The last straw on vacations, about 4 years ago, was the mom's trip we organized.  DH and I regularly head to Mouse-Owned Large Amusement Park, which we love.  Our moms have both said they haven't been in ages, they want to go, etc.  We took them (as a gift, so all was paid for) and had what I THOUGHT was a good time.  DH and I were congratulating ourselves on making both moms happy until MIL began complaining that my mom was "too nice and I just can't stand it!"  Her big offense, according to MIL, was handing over the remote in their shared hotel room, telling MIL to watch what she wanted, because my mom was reading. 

--- End quote ---

You can say Disney here. There's no rule against it.

My BIL does this.  He hasn't bought a Christmas or birthday gift for anyone in his family for the 7 years that I've known him, despite receiving pretty nice items from everyone else, and complains bitterly about how rough his life is, how broke he is, blah blah blah.  Any trip or event or even meal at a restaurant has to be subsidized by his parents.

he has 3 vehicles.  Granted, they're all older and were purchased used, but there are payments on at least one of them and insurance/registration on all 3.

he never misses a chance to buy a new gun (his hobby) and brag about it, or really any little thing that he fancies (car stereo, metal detector, camera)

he lives at home with his parents, so no rent/utilities/groceries

I don't bother saying anything other than 'mm hmm' when he starts with the whining, and unless he comes up with a gift for DH this Christmas, I'm not buying him any more bday/Christmas gifts either.

I really see nothing wrong with calling her out on her false cries of poverty.

If she merely turned down invitations to vacations or meals out, then fine.  It is perfectly fine to budget the way you want. 

But, if she cries poor and pressures people to pay her way, she better be genuinely poor.  I would be extremely hurt if I paid for a plane ticket for someone who got many spa treatments a month.  I am too poor for spa treatments. 


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