General Etiquette > Family and Children

Calling MIL out on false cries of poverty.

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yokozbornak:

--- Quote from: GSNW on November 18, 2012, 04:28:53 PM ---
--- Quote from: miranova on November 18, 2012, 04:17:51 PM ---
Honestly I think you are taking the comments a bit too seriously.  I'd just ignore them.

--- End quote ---

I think I'd agree with you if not for the background issues that have come into play.  You're right to say that her spending habits are her own business, and I really want to stress that I'm not judging how she spends her money, just that she makes choices for X and then wants Y covered from someone else's wallet. 

For example, about six years ago, my parents rented a large condo in Hawaii and invited DH and I to join them (they do things like this regularly and they are always wonderful trips).  MIL was also invited and of course, cried that she couldn't afford the trip.  When we replied that we were sorry she couldn't make it, she accused me, DH, and my parents of trying to exclude her by deliberately taking vacations she can't afford.  Her tone regarding our destination event was rapidly approaching that pitch until BIL and her sister smoothed the way for her.
--- End quote ---

I wouldn't invite her on trips anymore because it seems like it causes a lot of drama.

GSNW:
Yeah, my parents have 100% stopped trying to include her on family vacations.  Unless we're offering to pay for the whole shebang, there's no point!

Deetee:

--- Quote from: GSNW on November 18, 2012, 04:28:53 PM ---
--- Quote from: miranova on November 18, 2012, 04:17:51 PM ---
Honestly I think you are taking the comments a bit too seriously.  I'd just ignore them.

--- End quote ---

I think I'd agree with you if not for the background issues that have come into play.  You're right to say that her spending habits are her own business, and I really want to stress that I'm not judging how she spends her money, just that she makes choices for X and then wants Y covered from someone else's wallet. 

For example, about six years ago, my parents rented a large condo in Hawaii and invited DH and I to join them (they do things like this regularly and they are always wonderful trips).  MIL was also invited and of course, cried that she couldn't afford the trip.  When we replied that we were sorry she couldn't make it, she accused me, DH, and my parents of trying to exclude her by deliberately taking vacations she can't afford.  Her tone regarding our destination event was rapidly approaching that pitch until BIL and her sister smoothed the way for her.

--- End quote ---

I can't say her attitude would make me want to include her at all. I would go with calling her out on her incredible selfishness.

"Wait? You want us to not go on fun trips because you can't afford to go on trips?"
wait for answer

Also, it would be bug me that she would use "can't afford" instead of "can't go". I might get "helpful" and offer to go over her budget and see if she can afford it.

Deetee:
And I wouldn't ever consider inviting my MIL on my parents vacation. That's great if you do so, but it doesn't strike me as expected or usual.

gramma dishes:
I think it's pretty amazing that your parents even offered to share their vacation with her in the first place.   Other than family meals at our house, we never did anything that included both sets of parents together. 

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