Author Topic: What is my obligation here?  (Read 4845 times)

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GratefulMaria

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Re: What is my obligation here?
« Reply #15 on: November 19, 2012, 07:12:38 AM »
My factors in opining about OP's obligation are:  MIL decided to come two days earlier, and MIL has made remarks about the housekeeping (to the OP? not clear).  Add the OP's health issues, if MIL knows about them, then changing the dates of her visit unilaterally (it sounds like she told her son rather than asking him or discussing it with him) is even more inconsiderate.  He needs to work with his wife's decisions, not his mother's.

Hopefull is clearly making an effort within the time available.  I don't see where the guest is being punished.  The question sounded more like, "how terrible is it that things aren't as ready as they would have been?" than "do I have to be nice to her when she gets here?"  I do see the need for a come-to-deity conversation with Mr. Hopefull.




Sharnita

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Re: What is my obligation here?
« Reply #16 on: November 19, 2012, 08:03:01 AM »
I understood the question to be what the obligation was beyond their normal cleaning when the date has been changed and OP is limited by health issues.  I still feel that she has no further obligation. 

MrTango

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Re: What is my obligation here?
« Reply #17 on: November 19, 2012, 09:09:30 AM »
OP, In your situation, I'd hand DH the cleaning bucket and tell him to get to work.

If he complains, just let him know that since he has taken away your cleaning time, he can make up for it by helping.

bopper

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Re: What is my obligation here?
« Reply #18 on: November 19, 2012, 11:16:19 AM »
Hand DH the cleaning supplies or
"MIL, I am so happy you came early to help!  I have been feeling so poorly because of <health issue> and haven't the energy to clean like I like.  Would you rather mop or wash the sheets?"

Outdoor Girl

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Re: What is my obligation here?
« Reply #19 on: November 19, 2012, 11:37:19 AM »
"MIL, I am so happy you came early to help!  I have been feeling so poorly because of <health issue> and haven't the energy to clean like I like.  Would you rather mop or wash the sheets?"

This is what I was thinking, too, but I wasn't sure it passed the sniff test.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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Deetee

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Re: What is my obligation here?
« Reply #20 on: November 19, 2012, 12:32:41 PM »
[snip]
*minor off topic: We have a cleaning person who comes every two weeks to scrub things for about 2 hours. I loves it. I was away for several months that the cleaning person was unaware of. After I was back for a couple months the cleaning person commented to my husband that "Your wife must be away. The house is much messier" My husband simply didn't have the heart to explain that the oppisite was true.
[snip]
OT: Deetee, maybe my brain's not working right. In your last paragraph it sounds like you're saying that your DH does the cleaning. Why did your cleaning person think the house was messier, not knowing you're away? I'm all confused! :)
[/quote]

Sorry that was a little confusing. Basically, I was away for 4 months (home only on weekends) and during those  4 months the cleaner got used to the house being tidier (as my husband was in charge). Then I came back and the house got messier and the cleaner thought the messier house meant that I had left for a while (when the oppisite was true).

Now, most of that is not because I am a terible slob, but I don't care as much about being "judged" by the cleaning person. I hire her to clean the counters and the floors so I do not wipe the counters etc.. before she arrives. I de-clutter so she can clean and that's about it. My husband likes to clean the house for people and therefore actually cleans the house for the cleaner.

Also to clarify further, both my husband and I have noticed that it is easier to keep a clean house when there is only one of us at home. When we are both home, we simply do more and mess up the house. I think I do more cleaning than him, but I also do more messing up than him (Cooking dinner or breakfast as opposed to sandwiches and cereal).


heartmug

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Re: What is my obligation here?
« Reply #21 on: November 19, 2012, 02:40:08 PM »
MIL:  You could have done a better job of dusting.

You:  DH!  Come here!  Your mom doesn't like the way you dust.  She wants to teach you a better way.

The trouble is not that the world is full of fools, it's just that lightening isn't distributed right.  - Mark Twain

elephantschild

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Re: What is my obligation here?
« Reply #22 on: November 19, 2012, 03:27:41 PM »
I agree with the others that if MIL wants to make comments about the housekeeping, direct them to your DH. It's his house too.

And I also wonder why your opinions/feelings have nothing to do with the "MIL decided to come ..." part.  :P

LOVE Sharita's comment about hotels. :)
"But there was one Elephant -- a new Elephant -- an Elephant's Child--who was full of 'satiable curtiosity, and that means he asked ever so many questions."
-- "Just So Stories," Rudyard Kipling

Docslady21

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Re: What is my obligation here?
« Reply #23 on: November 19, 2012, 03:39:03 PM »
OK MIL was supposed to come here on Wednesday and stay for 2 days. No problem. I had plenty of time to clean. My house isn't as good as I would like it to be due to some health issues I have been facing. IT is not a pig stye but not up to what I want it at.

Well as luck would have it DH came up to me today and told me MIL decided to come TOMORROW and stay until Wednesday. Problem is.............. house isn't what I want it at. She is not a bad person but has made comments in the past about my house being unkempt. I am not ready for the holidays let alone guest. Actually I hate the holidays but they are here and I am dealing with it. :(

There is NO way my house will be where I want it to be. I can get it better in the few hours I have.

My etiquette question.............. how much of an obligation do I have to what really is a suprise guest???

Your obligation is clean sheets on the bed, fresh towels, clean toilet/sink/shower, and adequate toilet paper in whatever bathroom the guest is using.

I used to care what people thought of my home. I used to stress and scrub and cry and with people like my MIL, it still wasn't enough. Now, if the aforementioned items are done and the catbox is clean, I could not care less what someone thinks of my home.

Let go. It's really rather liberating. Ignore rude comments. Your house is not indicative of your worth and any implication of such is purely out of mean girl snottiness.

bloo

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Re: What is my obligation here?
« Reply #24 on: November 19, 2012, 05:00:39 PM »
[snip]
*minor off topic: We have a cleaning person who comes every two weeks to scrub things for about 2 hours. I loves it. I was away for several months that the cleaning person was unaware of. After I was back for a couple months the cleaning person commented to my husband that "Your wife must be away. The house is much messier" My husband simply didn't have the heart to explain that the oppisite was true.
[snip]
OT: Deetee, maybe my brain's not working right. In your last paragraph it sounds like you're saying that your DH does the cleaning. Why did your cleaning person think the house was messier, not knowing you're away? I'm all confused! :)

Sorry that was a little confusing. Basically, I was away for 4 months (home only on weekends) and during those  4 months the cleaner got used to the house being tidier (as my husband was in charge). Then I came back and the house got messier and the cleaner thought the messier house meant that I had left for a while (when the oppisite was true).

Now, most of that is not because I am a terible slob, but I don't care as much about being "judged" by the cleaning person. I hire her to clean the counters and the floors so I do not wipe the counters etc.. before she arrives. I de-clutter so she can clean and that's about it. My husband likes to clean the house for people and therefore actually cleans the house for the cleaner.

Also to clarify further, both my husband and I have noticed that it is easier to keep a clean house when there is only one of us at home. When we are both home, we simply do more and mess up the house. I think I do more cleaning than him, but I also do more messing up than him (Cooking dinner or breakfast as opposed to sandwiches and cereal).
[/quote]

Oh, okay! Got it. I like the fact that since cleanliness is so important to your DH, he's willing to pick up the dustrag and get to work. And doesn't want someone to have a negative impression of you! Not that you'd probably be bothered by the cleaning lady's opinion of you anyway ;)

joraemi

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Re: What is my obligation here?
« Reply #25 on: November 20, 2012, 07:08:08 PM »
{{{HUGS}}}

Because almost ten years later I can still hear my now-SIL saying, "How can you stand this MESS?" as she looked around my house when I had 3 toddlers.

In the beginning, after that comment, I used to drive myself cleaning before she came over.  NOW, I still try to keep/make the house clean for guests (a lot easier now that they are teenagers!), but if someone is arriving earlier than expected or (universe forbid it) - unannounced - my bare minimum is to make sure the bathrooms that they would use are clean and well stocked with toilet paper, bar soap, clean towels, etc.

Your MIL is early.  She can just deal with it.




Courage is the price life  exacts for granting peace.  ~Amelia Earhart~

kudeebee

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Re: What is my obligation here?
« Reply #26 on: November 20, 2012, 07:57:31 PM »
Don't go crazy cleaning.  If dh can help, he should. If mil says anything, "mil, you arrived two days earlier so we didn't have time to get our cleaning done.  If you would like to help, I have several tasks you can do.  I'll get the list and you can pick the one you want to do first."

Or if dh has helped clean and she starts in, I like this

MIL:  You could have done a better job of dusting.

You:  DH!  Come here!  Your mom doesn't like the way you dust.  She wants to teach you a better way.



Nebraska Jones

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Re: What is my obligation here?
« Reply #27 on: November 20, 2012, 08:15:44 PM »

Your obligation is clean sheets on the bed, fresh towels, clean toilet/sink/shower, and adequate toilet paper in whatever bathroom the guest is using.

I used to care what people thought of my home. I used to stress and scrub and cry and with people like my MIL, it still wasn't enough. Now, if the aforementioned items are done and the catbox is clean, I could not care less what someone thinks of my home.

Let go. It's really rather liberating. Ignore rude comments. Your house is not indicative of your worth and any implication of such is purely out of mean girl snottiness.

Thank you!  That is wonderful and encouraging for me to hear (especially at this time of year)!   ;D