Author Topic: Would this be a rude gift?  (Read 5038 times)

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DottyG

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #45 on: November 26, 2012, 02:42:43 PM »
Bexx has it completely right.  That's the difference in what some of you are saying about it being an acceptable gift for you but not for the OP's MIL.  I agree 100% with what she said.


bloo

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #46 on: November 26, 2012, 02:46:20 PM »
I'm in the NO WAY in any shape is a weight loss gift appropriate. Don't go there with your MIL. Something like this is too personal and although the idea of wanting someone to take care of themselves is sweet but, in my opinion, a very very inappropriate gift because it can easily make the "I think you are fat" statement instead of "I care about you."

FYI I'm not completely non-functional when it comes to gifts. I totally love receiving vacuums and other household items for mother's day and whatnot ... but the weight stuff is too much.

It's funny. What offends one person may not offend another. I would love something like a Bodybugg but would be offended to receive a vacuum (at least, as a surprise). I would hear "you don't clean enough or good enough" instead of "Here's a new vacuum!"

However, kitchen tools are safe because my family and friends know that is my weakness.  :) But someone else could get offended and hear, "You don't cook enough/well."
and I would not want to recieve a vacuum cleaner, not because it spells "you need to clean your house" but because of the 1950s implication that my entire being is reflected through my being a housewife (which I'm not).

(Wasn't there a novel where the women received a vacuum cleaner or toaster for her birthday and it did not.end.well for the hubby?)

I don't know what novel you may be thinking of but did you ever see The Father of the Bride (remake with Steve Martin)? His daughter flipped out and was going to call off the wedding because her affianced gave her a blender as a wedding present?

"What is this, 1958?! Give the little wife a blender!?" - Annie Banks

OT: as DottyG mentioned someone with weight issues could be so hurt by a fitness gift. While I obviously had/have weight issues since I did lose 70+ lbs, I also manage an eating disorder. While I would love a fitness gift, I realize not everyone would. I think BuffaloFang's question has been asked and answered. Enough people have mentioned that they would be troubled by it that it would be best not to give it and be very careful about asking about it.

I also agree with TurtleDove and BuffaloFang below:

 
I kind of feel like it's coming very close to trying to be so sensitive that you're actually being more offensive.


Bingo.  It seemingly forces a person to analyze another's body to determine whether they might be sensitive about their weight rather than simply doing an analysis of "Sally's been talking about how fun her workouts are - I bet she'd love a BodyBugg!"

See this is what is eye-opening:

Bobybugg fangirl here. They are awesome, but also they can be brutal. When you see the numbers in actual black and white (plus bonus graph form) of how much you ate vs. how much you burned, it can be a bit disheartening. If your MIL is the type to be in denial as to how much her eating choices are affecting her weight, I would not reccomend it.

However, if she has been doinf well on WW, then, why not just ask her? I think it is perfectly acceptable, if she has talked to you about her weight loss, to say, "Hey MIL, I have heard about this cool gadget. Would you be interested in one?"

The bolded did not dishearten me once I started tracking food and exercising. It opened my eyes to the denial I was in ('I don't know why I can't lose weight...I don't eat THAT much!'). But until someone's ready to see that, I guess it would be disheartening.

So I agree, 'loaded' gift. But I sure will be doing more research on it and hinting to my loved ones about it! :)

yokozbornak

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #47 on: November 26, 2012, 04:03:11 PM »
I think some of what's bothering me is the reaction is very close to bordering on "If your recipient is overweight, it's safer to assume s/he has no interest in anything that reminds them of exercise."

I know that's not what most people mean, but I kind of feel like it's coming very close to trying to be so sensitive that you're actually being more offensive.

*puts on flame proof suit*

I think the bigger implication of this thread is that, if you are worried that a gift is offensive (which you clearly are because you posted this thread), it is better to err on the side of caution.  Some people would find this gift offensive, others wouldn't.  You don't know where your mother-in-law stands on this issue so it's better to not buy it or to find out beforehand if it is something that she would enjoy.

I have also struggled with my weight and have lost 100 pounds.  If someone were to buy me a gift like that today, I would appreciate it because I am working hard to be physically fit.  If someone had bought that for me before I started my weight loss journey, I could very well see my feelings being really hurt and I don't consider myself to be oversensitive at all.  My view of myself would have a lot to do with how I viewed the gift whether that's right or wrong.  That's why I recommend finding out from your MIL whether or not she would appreciate it or not.

« Last Edit: November 26, 2012, 04:12:07 PM by yokozbornak »

DottyG

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #48 on: November 26, 2012, 04:16:52 PM »
^ That


Fleur

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #49 on: November 26, 2012, 04:23:39 PM »
I absolutely do not think you should give this as a gift.

I'm sure there are some people who would like this (some here in this thread).  But this is a gift that does have negative connotations to it to some.  And, as such, why take the chance?  There are a multitude of gifts out there that don't take the chance and would be safer to give.

It also depends on where a person is at that time.  I do want to lose weight.  However, if I got a gift like that today, I'd be so upset that I'd be in tears the rest of the day.  I just spent an entire weekend having weight in my face by some family members and others around who have either lost weight or in the process of it or whatever.  Right now, I'm in an emotional state that I can't deal with weight issues today.  Tomorrow or the next day, we'll see.  But right now, I'm really not doing well.*  (And, if I got that gift today and might have liked it later, it would still carry the emotions of today with it - so it'd be "tainted" at that point.)  There's no need to take a chance on a gift that you know has potential connotations to it being given at a time when your recipient - even one that might not have minded it otherwise - is at a point where it's a trigger.  Like I said, so many gifts out there to give.  Do you really want to chance it with this one?


* Lest I get flamed by the people here who don't understand weight issues, let me say that the above is an abbreviation of the whole story.  Trust me in that my emotions today are valid - whether you'd have them or not in the same situation.

No flames from me, and I hope that none of my posts upset you at all. I totally agree that it is a 'know your audience' type thing, and what may be fine for one person might not be ok for everyone. The only thing that I took exception to was the idea that this is a universallyunacceptable or offensive gift. And I know that you didn't ask for them, but (((((((Hugs)))))))))) I know how horrid it can be to struggle to lose weight, to have people be critical, and to be down on yourself. I wish nobody had to go through those feelings, nobody deserves them.

pharmagal

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #50 on: November 26, 2012, 04:53:18 PM »
My son gave me the Fitbit Ultra as a birthday gift this year.  I'd started walking every morning and had lost a couple of kg.  I was in no way offended with the gift.  If anything it's been one of the best and most useful things I have ever been given.  I have it synced up with My Fitness Pal and while I don't obsess if I don't make the 10000 steps a day or I blow my calorie budget, it has certainly helped me make smarter decisions regarding food and exercise.

He gave it to me because he saw that I was trying to figure things out and thought it would be a good idea.  It was.

If it had came from a friend who is on her "journey" and won't shut up about how I should be doing this and should be doing that, then I would have been offended. 

Your MIL, if as you say is a gadget type person, would probably love the Bodybugg.  It ties in with so many of the apps available and simplifies them.

I'd go for it.