General Etiquette > Family and Children

Thanksgiving Problem - What I Want vs. What I Should - Final Update #27

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BarensMom:
DH is working Thanksgiving and, since his employer is feeding him, has told me not to fix dinner.  That leaves me with two alternatives:  go to my nephew and his wife's house or take my SIL (from the drink thread) to a restaurant.  I have been invited to my nephew's house and have made no plans with SIL.  However, the past 2-3 years, DH and I have either taken dinner to SIL's apartment or have hosted her at a restaurant, so there may be an expectation on her part that we will do the same this year.

This year, I would rather go to my nephew's, but do not want to hurt my SIL's feelings.  DH says he will let her know he is working, but how do we explain that I won't be available to take her out on Thursday?

siamesecat2965:
Has she actually asked about Thanksgiving plans? Or is she just assuming that you will do something with her, as you have in the past?  I think I'd let her know, politely, that it won't be possible for you and she to spend the day together as you have other plans.

Outdoor Girl:
You've been issued an invitation.  Accept it and go to your nephew's.  You have no obligation to have dinner with your SIL, period, but especially not when your DH can't join you.

(Is this the woman who will take a drink from your glass or bottle, despite the fact that she has a communicable disease?  If I've got the right person, I don't know why you'd ever want to share a meal with this woman again.)

Sharnita:
Well, it is a bummer that your DH has to work.  You wouldn't want to go to a restaurant and contribute to making somebody else work, right?  (just a thought)

Luci45:

--- Quote from: Sharnita on November 19, 2012, 10:52:07 AM ---Well, it is a bummer that your DH has to work.  You wouldn't want to go to a restaurant and contribute to making somebody else work, right?  (just a thought)

--- End quote ---

I question that logic. Whether BarensMom goes to restaurant has nothing to do with the crew's working. They'll be there anyway and it's a big moneymaker for them. (Had to mention this! I so rarely disagree with Sharnita!)

For the OP: if that is the drink-snitching woman, it would be a no-brainer for me! Nephew's dinner. If not, I still think I would go with the nephew. You need to make no apologies to the SIL, or explanation. Just don't mention it. It would be very entitled of her to think that you automatically would host her, despite past behavior.

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