General Etiquette > Family and Children

Thanksgiving Problem - What I Want vs. What I Should - Final Update #27

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--- Quote from: BarensMom on November 23, 2012, 10:34:29 AM ---Update:

SIL called and left me messages on both home and cell.  It consisted of "hope you're having a good Thanksgiving.  I'm staying home to treat all the wounds from falling down all those times this past year.  I hope I'm getting better." 

Otherwise, spent a nice normal Thanksgiving at nephews' eating and watching the Bond marathon.  Except for my sister (but that's another thread).

--- End quote ---

I'd answer with "Oh sounds like you made the wise choice to stay home and rest up. Hope you heal quick!"

rose red:
SIL didn't ask a question so the OP doesn't even need to call back.  The only way to handle PA comments is to take them literally.


--- Quote from: rose red on November 23, 2012, 05:10:15 PM ---SIL didn't ask a question so the OP doesn't even need to call back.  The only way to handle PA comments is to take them literally.

--- End quote ---

POD.  My mom told me a story today.  Mom's friend, Linda's, has a MIL that hates her.  MIL tells Linda and her husband, Don, the wrong time for holiday meals, telling the rest of the family another time.  So when Linda and Don arrive (15-20 minutes before the time MIL told them) they find that the whole family has already eaten.  MIL says, "Oh, the food was ready a little early, so we decided to eat without you." It's clear that the food is cold and has been sitting out for a while. Linda and Don are expected to piece together a plate from the leftovers.  This has happened at almost every holiday since they got engaged four years ago.

So this year, Don asked his mom what time Thanksgiving will be held.  He says, "Mom, please don't serve dinner early, before the time you've given me and Linda.  It's upsetting for us to get there and find that you've already eaten." Mom huffed, "Well, if it's so upsetting, you shouldn't come at all." expecting Don to backpedal.  Instead, he said, "OK, then." and hung up.

Cue dozens of (ignored) calls to Don's cell from MIL.  And more calls from family members telling Don how much he had upset MIL by hanging up on her and telling her he wouldn't come to Thanksgiving.  Don has been telling them, "Mom told me not to come.  So I'm not coming." 

Maybe MIL will refrain from PA comments from now on.

(Sorry for the threadjack.)

I have to say, good for Don for standing up for himself and Linda.  I wish more people would honor their marriage vows and stand up for their spouse to their birth family.

Just to reassure PP's, I did not call SIL back.  There was just enough whine and "woe is me" in her voice to be PA.  I told DH about the message, and he thinks I read too much into it.  But he said that since he called her twice over the past couple days, I'm off the hook.

I was also invited to Xmas at nephew's.  Depending on DH's work schedule, I may just accept that invite also.  I don't want to be around SIL alone, if I can help it.


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