General Etiquette > Family and Children

Thanksgiving Problem - What I Want vs. What I Should - Final Update #27

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BarensMom:

--- Quote from: Outdoor Girl on November 19, 2012, 10:41:34 AM ---You've been issued an invitation.  Accept it and go to your nephew's.  You have no obligation to have dinner with your SIL, period, but especially not when your DH can't join you.

(Is this the woman who will take a drink from your glass or bottle, despite the fact that she has a communicable disease?  If I've got the right person, I don't know why you'd ever want to share a meal with this woman again.)

--- End quote ---

Yup, that's the one.

Her recent activities include a methadone overdose (she was found wandering around town by the PD and ended up in the hospital) and suddenly dropping trou and asking me to bandage the ulcer on her bottom in a Walmart restroom.

I have cut way back on the visits.  As far as the glass/bottle thing goes, I have been keeping my drinks far away from her.  The last time we went out, she had been to the methadone clinic for her dose and was totally out of it, to the point of nodding off into her pie.  I took her straight home after that, because I didn't want her passing out on me.

Kaypeep:
Call her and say "DH is working TG and I'm not available to join you for dinner either, like last year.  I wanted to let you know in advance so that you're free to make alternative plans for the holiday.  We'll see you soon."

BarensMom:

--- Quote from: Kaypeep on November 19, 2012, 11:07:44 AM ---Call her and say "DH is working TG and I'm not available to join you for dinner either, like last year.  I wanted to let you know in advance so that you're free to make alternative plans for the holiday.  We'll see you soon."

--- End quote ---

Thankfully, DH will be making that call.  After all, it is his sister.

FoxPaws:
What would create the least amount of drama: calling and telling her you aren't doing Thanksgiving since DH has to work? Or not saying anything and risking that she'll call on Thursday wanting to know what time you're picking her up?

I am assuming letting her know you've been invited elsewhere is a Very Bad Idea, so another factor is how comfortable you are with fudging about your actual plans should she ask what you're going to be doing.

Another option might be to call and offer to do something over the weekend instead of Thursday, if you're up for that. That way, she can't cry "neglected", just "postponed".

Zilla:
There shouldn't be an expectation if your husband tells her, "Sister, I have to work on Thanksgiving and wife is going to her nephew's for dinner...."
 
And done.

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