MIL kept the gnocchi--I guess I can't get it back? UPDATE p. 4, post 46

[TootsNYC]

So, I went to my MIL's and we made gnocchi. It was fun time together.

But at the end, she put the gnocchi in the freezer and said she was going to keep and and that she was going to make the sauce.

I tried three times to say, "I can take it home," "I want to take it home." She said, "believe me, you'll have enough to do that day without having to cook gnocchi too."

I guess I could have insisted more firmly, or just gotten them out and taken them.
But I didn't want to be unpleasant, and I was getting the impression that she was feeling sort of territorial. So, we'll have gnocchi, but it won't really be mine.

Then, she was quizzing me on the menu, and it sort of felt like she was checking up on me. I tried to push that feeling away. At one point she said, "Do you need plates, or platters, or bowls?" (I'm thinking, "you've seen my house, w/ the overstuffed china cabinet--what??")

She asked me if I was going to make stuffing. And waved the StoveTop box in front of me three or four times. I told her I wasn't sure if people in the family actually *ate* it. Eventually she said, "Oh, yes, a few of them will." (But if I make stuffing, I'm not going to use StoveTop--I'm playing in the kitchen, so I'm being selective about what I'll do easily or the hard way.)


Then she said, "Do you need a tablecloth?"
I confess--I kind of snapped. I said, "Noni, I'm 52 years old, and I have throw parties and had dinners for lots of people people. I have everything I need."
  Then I felt bad bcs it turns out someone gave her two tablecloths that she doesn't really like and won't use, and she was just trying to give them a purpose in life. (of course, *I* don't want brown tablecloths either.)
  So I said, "I have tablecloths that I like."

So it was fun, but I found myself really shutting down--I decided not to mention that I was going to go buy some more flatware. Instead of a conversation about how fun to get to buy silverware, she'd have been pushing for me to borrow from her.

Honestly, sometimes I feel like a 3yo.

So I'm not going to ask her how to make turkey gravy. It would be too much advice.

As it is, I'm realizing that I'm going to have to be firm about keeping people out of the kitchen, especially the aunts. There's all this discussion right now w/ MIL about who's going to bring what, and it's irritating me and (most important) scattering my concentration.

[sourwolf]

See this is interesting because it seems to me that things are playing out like I thought they might - the older generation is a little miffed/hurt at being excluded from contributing to the dinner.  This way your MIL can tell herself that she is following your wishes because you helped make the gnocchi but she still gets to contribute by making the sauce.  I know you aren't happy but to me it seems like a pretty good compromise.

[Zilla]

Wow she did a complete 360 from your last conversation with her over the gnocchi.  I wouldn't ask her advice on that gravy either.

[TootsNYC]

See this is interesting because it seems to me that things are playing out like I thought they might - the older generation is a little miffed/hurt at being excluded from contributing to the dinner.  This way your MIL can tell herself that she is following your wishes because you helped make the gnocchi but she still gets to contribute by making the sauce.  I know you aren't happy but to me it seems like a pretty good compromise.

Yeah, that's probably right.

She also brought up 3 times that one of the aunts wants to know what she can bring.

[snowdragon]

"Oh Aunt, is being silly, just being there is enough"
And if you want to circumvent MIL's interference...either make your own sauce or decline to serve the gnocchi when she brings it. Either way have you DH talk to her about this

[Amara]

You are certainly going to have an interesting Thursday, Toots.

[TootsNYC]

I've pretty much agreed to the gnocchi and sauce.

I'm going to have to stop myself from saying, when MIL says, "These are Toots' gnocchi," "No, actually, they're not. You did the kneading, you cooked them, you made the sauce. Absolutely the only thing I was allowed to do myself was to cut them into pieces and shape them, like a toddler. I really can't claim them. They're MIL's"

[JenJay]

I've pretty much agreed to the gnocchi and sauce.

I'm going to have to stop myself from saying, when MIL says, "These are Toots' gnocchi," "No, actually, they're not. You did the kneading, you cooked them, you made the sauce. Absolutely the only thing I was allowed to do myself was to cut them into pieces and shape them, like a toddler. I really can't claim them. They're MIL's"

Maybe "Well, I helped a little, but MIL did most of the work." said with a smile?

[sparksals]

Gravy has never been my fortay, but i found a very easy and tasty recipe that works like a dream.   Let me know if you want it. 

[Surianne]

If you made it at her house, why would you expect to take it home?  Is there a backstory here I'm missing?

[ilrag]

I've pretty much agreed to the gnocchi and sauce.

I'm going to have to stop myself from saying, when MIL says, "These are Toots' gnocchi," "No, actually, they're not. You did the kneading, you cooked them, you made the sauce. Absolutely the only thing I was allowed to do myself was to cut them into pieces and shape them, like a toddler. I really can't claim them. They're MIL's"

Maybe "Well, I helped a little, but MIL did most of the work." said with a smile?

That seems perfect to me.

[Maggie]

Gravy has never been my fortay, but i found a very easy and tasty recipe that works like a dream.   Let me know if you want it. 

Please share.  I am not having Thanksgiving but Christmas is always at my house and I cannot do gravy!

[sourwolf]

If you made it at her house, why would you expect to take it home?  Is there a backstory here I'm missing?

I don't know if I consider it a backstory, but the  OP is having Thanksgiving at her house for the first time this year and her ordeal has been the topic of a couple of recent threads, in one her husband wanted gnocchi but she didn't know how to make it, another one was about how to keep the older generation from contributing to the meal (as was previously their custom.)

[Otterpop]

Gravy has never been my fortay, but i found a very easy and tasty recipe that works like a dream.   Let me know if you want it.

Oooh!  I'd like the recipe too.  My gravy is usually too bland, too thick, too lumpy, too salty...never just right.

Toots, are you doing a turkey too?  Some show-stopper that can be just "yours?"

[TootsNYC]

If you made it at her house, why would you expect to take it home?  Is there a backstory here I'm missing?

Well, I'd take it home because I made it. She was supposed to teach me how, so that I could make it.

I wasn't helping her; she was teaching me. So it was supposed to be my gnocchi--and it was mine, then why *wouldn't* I take it home?

We'd have done it at my house, but I thought it would be more convenient for her to do it in her kitchen.

Toots, are you doing a turkey too?  Some show-stopper that can be just "yours?"

Yep, doing a turkey and a ham (both of which have her seal of approval).

I'm learning something important about myself, which is that I am MUCH more like an "I'll do it myself" 3yo than I want to be, but also that it's futile to try to "jolly myself out of it," and that if I host Thanksgiving in another year (bcs now that it's moving around, I think there's a determination to *keep* it moving around), I need to just state from the very beginning: "I'm not discussing the menu with anyone. It'll be a surprise."

Gravy has never been my fortay, but i found a very easy and tasty recipe that works like a dream.   Let me know if you want it. 

This will be my first year of gravy, and I can't ask my mom, because she died in January. And I will *not* ask my MIL. Just because *I* won't enjoy the dynamic. So I asked a couple of ladies from church, and I went online.
   But I'd love your recipe!