MIL kept the gnocchi--I guess I can't get it back? UPDATE p. 4, post 46

[TootsNYC]

I wanted to make this point in a separate post, so that it doesn't get lost in a reply or something.

My MIL is a wonderful, wonderful lady. She's a great MIL.

My squirming at the dynamic is far more "me" than it is "her."

[wolfie]

I've pretty much agreed to the gnocchi and sauce.

I'm going to have to stop myself from saying, when MIL says, "These are Toots' gnocchi," "No, actually, they're not. You did the kneading, you cooked them, you made the sauce. Absolutely the only thing I was allowed to do myself was to cut them into pieces and shape them, like a toddler. I really can't claim them. They're MIL's"

Don't say "Absolutely the only thing I was allowed to do myself was to cut them into pieces and shape them, like a toddler" it makes you sound petulant and whiny. Just say that all you did was cut them and shape them so you can't claim them.

[rashea]

I've pretty much agreed to the gnocchi and sauce.

I'm going to have to stop myself from saying, when MIL says, "These are Toots' gnocchi," "No, actually, they're not. You did the kneading, you cooked them, you made the sauce. Absolutely the only thing I was allowed to do myself was to cut them into pieces and shape them, like a toddler. I really can't claim them. They're MIL's"

Don't say "Absolutely the only thing I was allowed to do myself was to cut them into pieces and shape them, like a toddler" it makes you sound petulant and whiny. Just say that all you did was cut them and shape them so you can't claim them.

Ditto.

I think you need to say, "oh, MIL was teaching me, but these are hers." Or even, "glad that my lessons are so tasty, but you should really thank the teacher." And I think you should let go of this a bit. I know you don't want them to help, but this is something your DH wants to have there, and that his Mom is great at but you haven't made. So, let her bring this one thing.

[Otterpop]

People will fawn over the turkey and ham because they are the star attraction.  It's enough glory to spill over for MIL bask in credit for the gnocchi.  Let it go, this time.  Next year, you know how to do it all on your own.

It's funny how women (people) get so territorial in the kitchen.  Kind of like men with their barbeques...

(P.S.  Your gnocchi story inspired my turkey question)

[learningtofly]

I sympathize with you about your MIL's questions.  A few years ago we took over a religious holiday.  The first year MIL brought a ton of food and complained about bringing a ton of food.  It would have been easier to have it at her house.  For her.  Since the holiday tends to fall on a school night it was easier on DD (only grandkid) to be at home.  So I resolved to help MIL with her problem.

The next year between my SIL and my DH we had almost the whole menu down.  MIL was asked to bring a side dish.  We had non-stop questions.  Were we sure SIL could cook her part of the meal?  Were we really sure?  She even asked in front of my SIL!  SIL was midly offended, but managed to joke with us about it.  The part of the meal SIL brought was awesome!  MIL sulked a bit.

She asked if we had platters?  If we had candlesticks?  If we had the special religious platter.  As if she hadn't been there the year before.  I honestly think she didn't believe we could handle it.  She's been grilling DH about this Thanksgiving.  She always eats DH's creative dishes.  She just likes to call and complain ahead of time.

[TootsNYC]

Yeah, I just spoke with her on the phone. I'm off today, so I was drawing up the "official menu," and the resulting shopping list, and added columns to the spread sheet for "Start time for cooking" and even one for "Oven or stovetop?" so I could change a dish if I suddenly had too much going into the oven (turkey, ham, potatoes lyonnaise, roast carrots, biscuits...)

And broke my rule about not talking about it.

She said something like, "You can make the ham earlier that day." And I said, "No, I can't, because it has to be warm. And it's already cooked, so I'd have to heat it up anyway." And she started to counter that.

So I said, "Remember, I'm 52, I know how to do this." And she said, quite animatedly, "That doesn't have anything to do with it."

So I said, "Yes, but I've done these sorts of big dinners before. I maybe haven't done them for the whole family, but I've done them. I know how to do this."

I think I need to be stricter w/ myself about not talking about any of the dinner things.

[WillyNilly]

My mom taught me an awesome gravy recipe as a wee child.  First you roast a turkey.  Then you remove it from the roasting pan and pour all those lovely drippings out of the pan into a jar.  Take a bit of heated broth and swish through the pan to get every last bit out and pour that into the jar.  Put the jar, covered, into the fridge.  While in there, pull out a jar of this:

https://www.google.com/search?q=Heinz+Homestyle+Roasted+Turkey+Gravy&hl=en&client=Flamingvixen-a&hs=3lF&tbo=d&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=UN6rUMaML8-10AGvuoC4DA&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAA&biw=1143&bih=633

and then pour that into a small sauce pan, heat up and serve in a lovely gravy boat. 
Then Friday, when all the guests have gone home, remove your drippings jar, scrape off the fat and make fresh gravy without any pressure to serve over leftovers.

[TootsNYC]

WillyNilly, LOVE IT!


Actually, it has occurred to me that I have been planning to serve Potatoes Lyonnaise (a Julia Child recipe that slices white boiling potatoes, layers them w/ sliced onions & butter, and adds a bit of broth, then roasts).

So, gravy would be absolutely extraneous.

I suppose if I have too many things in the oven, I could buy a pressure cooker, cook russets in it, and make riced potatoes. But that's more last-minute fussing, and I don't know how full you can fill a pressure cooker.

[Bijou]

I wanted to make this point in a separate post, so that it doesn't get lost in a reply or something.

My MIL is a wonderful, wonderful lady. She's a great MIL.

My squirming at the dynamic is far more "me" than it is "her."

That was my impression of your relationship with your MIL.   

[sourwolf]

I disagree about gravy being extraneous, many people enjoy it on top of their turkey and/or stuffing as well as potatoes.

[TootsNYC]

So for some reason, we spoke again. And she asked, "are you going to do it buffet style?" And I said, "I don't think so," and she started to say something about how much room there would be (in the room, to walk around? on the tables?).

I didn't wait to hear, I just said, "Well, I'll figure it out." and got out of the call. Because, well, it was starting to feel pressure-y. Whether that was generated inside me, or outside me, I don't know.

But I do know that, as I said, I've learned something important about me. I don't do "co-hosting" well.

MIL told DH we had to buy the bread; I asked what the bread was for, and he said, "for the cold cuts." I'm thinking, "I didn't ask anyone to bring *cold cuts* to Thanksgiving dinner! Turns out it's for the prosciutto & cheese. I told DH, "you get that. I'm not involved." (and for the record--if you're going to bring a dish, I would like you to bring all of it.
   I also asked DH to ask her if she needed a dish or the oven. She said, "I'll just need to microwave it a little bit to warm it up."  The thing is, my microwave may not be available--I'm going to be using it as a convection oven, and I'm not sure it'll zap stuff until it has cooled down. So I'm going to send one of the insulted bags w/ DH and tell him to ask her to use that bcs of the microwave. (and that would be a big part of the reason why *I* wanted to make the gnocchi.


(Good point, sourwolf.)

[katycoo]

If you made it at her house, why would you expect to take it home?  Is there a backstory here I'm missing?

Well, I'd take it home because I made it. She was supposed to teach me how, so that I could make it.

And now you've been taught.  Why don't you just make another batch, and tell her to keep hers in the freezer?

[thunderroad]

Toots, I just wanted to say that your Thanksgiving dinner sounds wonderful.  I am sure the food will be great, I am sure that you will be a fabulous hostess, and I am sure that your otherwise wonderful mother-in-law will make you a least a little crazy because, well, it seems inevitable, right?   

Have a great day!

[TootsNYC]

If you made it at her house, why would you expect to take it home?  Is there a backstory here I'm missing?

Well, I'd take it home because I made it. She was supposed to teach me how, so that I could make it.

And now you've been taught.  Why don't you just make another batch, and tell her to keep hers in the freezer?

Because that would create bad feeling.

[TootsNYC]

Toots, I just wanted to say that your Thanksgiving dinner sounds wonderful.  I am sure the food will be great, I am sure that you will be a fabulous hostess, and I am sure that your otherwise wonderful mother-in-law will make you a least a little crazy because, well, it seems inevitable, right?   

Have a great day!

Thanks, thunderroad.

I like your attitude. I think I'll try to adopt it. I.e., let the "crazy making" happen and not try to fight it, bcs that makes it a bigger deal than it needs to be.