General Etiquette > Family and Children

I'm not being pushy!

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--- Quote from: weeblewobble on November 19, 2012, 06:15:27 PM ---
--- Quote from: gramma dishes on November 19, 2012, 06:01:53 PM ---

--- Quote from: Lady Snowdon on November 19, 2012, 05:56:23 PM ---. . .    FIL has made several nasty comments to DH about being ashamed of him for not having kids yet.  ...

--- End quote ---

 :o  He really SAYS that?

That's a horrible thing to say to anyone.  How incredibly hurtful this would be if the two of you were struggling with fertility problems, especially if it were an inadequate swim team type problem!! 

I can't imagine why he would not just be incredibly proud that his son grew up to be self sufficient and a great guy!

--- End quote ---

That's horrible.  I think I would offer to remedy FIL's "shame" by not seeing him anymore.

--- End quote ---

Me too.  That's beyond appalling.


--- Quote from: rose red on November 19, 2012, 06:23:23 PM ---
--- Quote from: weeblewobble on November 19, 2012, 06:15:27 PM ---That's horrible.  I think I would offer to remedy FIL's "shame" by not seeing him anymore.

--- End quote ---

But not before saying I'm ashamed of him.

--- End quote ---

No kidding! I can't imagine basing whether or not I was proud of my kids on their decision to procreate. Give me a break!

They're going to keep pressuring you until they get something negative out of it.

I think that, when her husband said, "aren't you being pushy?" and she said, "I'm not being pushy!" You should have said, "actually, yes, you are, and we would really like you to knock it off."

This is the time when I really think I would honestly and bluntly tell them that your sex life is none of their business.  Because that's exactly what they're commenting on.

If SILs DH had to question her right in front of you, then there was pushy intent, even if the question itself is not 'pushy'.

I'm appalled that your FIL is 'ashamed' of your DH for not having had kids yet.

I've encouraged my own children to wait for as long as possible to get married and shared with them the benefits of waiting to have kids or not having kids at all. This is due to how I interpret my own religious beliefs of how to live up to my dedication as regards that. Obviously we're trying to share that value system with our own kids.

They, so far, are agreeing that they will try to wait as long as possible to marry and may not have children but obviously life happens. I didn't want kids and I've got two I dearly love.

So if my kids give me grandkids I will inwardly be a little disappointed - at first (that's how I felt when I found out I was pregnant the first time), but will stuff it and go into full-on, grandkid-spoiling mode.

OP, your FIL should mind his own business and be happy for whatever he has. His son is alive, well and a good person. I am so sorry that your FIL has managed to convey feelings of shame to you and your DH for your personal choices in this matter.

You'll be given several, excellent suggestions of what to say, but will your FIL respect them? If he doesn't then I'm sorry to say that 'distance' will be your friend.


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