Age appropriate gifts

[Pippen]

Because my niece and nephew live overseas my Mother will generally send them some money for birthdays and Christmas so my brother can take them out and they get to choose something they would like. She does however like to buy them presents and send them off (at a not inconsiderable expense) but when she does she chooses things that children of their age would have very little interest in such a things like Peter Rabbit china for a 9 year old.

It is very difficult to be enthused when she shows me these purchases as I think she is not taking into consideration the sorts of things kids these days are into and is very much buying for her own tastes. While I am sure these items are seen as a nice, thoughtful gesture by Grandma, she expects them to be in raptures over them and thinks they are ungrateful when they at met with a polite acknowledgement and thank you.

I have told her they are not ungrateful but that they live a different type of lifestyle and they want things that are cool and not harking back to some golden vision of childhood gone by and these things just aren't relevant to them. I really just want to tell her if you want to have them gush over their awesome presents then you actually need to get them things they will appreciate, not things that you think they should just because you like them.

Any suggestions on how to get through to her or is it just one of those things where you just hold your tongue and smile and go 'That's lovely Mum' while my poor brother has frilly brodiere anglais pillowcases (which are the most uncomfortable things ever) over flowing from his cupboards.

[gramma dishes]

Maybe you should ask her how she would feel if your brother gave her a copy of the "Best Football Games EVER!!" DVD for Christmas?

It's kind of the same thing.   

[Surianne]

I think it's probably one of those things where you hold your tongue, unfortunately.      Doesn't sound like you'll get through to her easily without hurting her feelings. 

[SPuck]

I think it's probably one of those things where you hold your tongue, unfortunately.      Doesn't sound like you'll get through to her easily without hurting her feelings.

If she asks for your opinion, give it, if she doesn't, keep it to yourself.

[Lindee]

But by complaining about their ingratitude she is soliciting your opinion so if she brings it up I think it is ok to point out that a polite thank you is all she will get for inappropriate gifts.  It might be better coming from your brother though.   As a child I had to write a thank you letters to an Aunt that always gave my sister and I religious presents and I wished my mother would have spoken to her to explain that yet another prayerbook to 10 year old militant atheist me wasn't earning her any favourite Aunt points.

[BeagleMommy]

I would suggest, mildly, to your mother that the children are wanting things that are more age appropriate.  If she wants to buy something babyish for the 9-year-old you might say "Gee, Mom, brother mentioned that he/she really likes (insert item).  Maybe you should get him/her this.".

My own niece kind of, inadvertently, told my SIL's parents just this.  When she was ten her maternal grandparents gave her a Dora the Explorer nightgown for Christmas.  Niece blinked a few times and asked "Grandma, did you mean to give this to Younger Sister?".  She honestly, thought they gave her the wrong gift and that younger sister might have gotten hers.  Made them realize that they had purchased a gift for a younger child.

[Zilla]

I think it's probably one of those things where you hold your tongue, unfortunately.      Doesn't sound like you'll get through to her easily without hurting her feelings.

If she asks for your opinion, give it, if she doesn't, keep it to yourself.

Or you can print out the current year top 20 toys and leave it out for her to see.  But I too would keep mum on it unless she asks.  And if she complains to you that her grandkids are ungrateful, you can then tell her the truth about the toys.  But it sounds like you already have tried and it fell on deaf ears.  So honestly, I would just leave it alone.

[GrammarNerd]

I realize this may involve more work on your part, but could you proactively try to steer her in the right direction?  Find out from your brother what the kids like.  Then, look through some sale flyers and find when something like that is on sale.  "Oh, mom, did you see that sale on KidWidgets at BigStore?  Yeah, they're really hot now.  Bro said that GirlKid is really into them.  If you haven't gotten a present for her yet, you should really go get one.  I bet she'd LOVE it!"

Or if she's whining about their perceived lack of gratitude, just be blunt.  "Mom, is the present for THEM or for YOU?  If you want them to gush and be hopping-up-and-down excited, then you have to give them something that TO THEM is gush-worthy.  Do you think they like to listen to Frank Sinatra or the Beatles just because YOU liked them?  No.  They probably like One Direction or Carly Rae Jepsen.  So you have to think about what THEY like, otherwise just be happy that you're getting a polite thank you."

[O'Dell]

Good luck to you because in my experience people with your mom's view of gifts don't ever understand.