General Etiquette > Family and Children

is this *just how it's done*, or is my SIL being over-controlling?

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cicero:
I've been to one wedding in the US in my life and dozens of weddings in Israel. I know that weddings in the US tend to be more formal, with more events and issues surrounding the wedding. Weddings in Israel usually don't have bridesmaids, showers, etc (though it's starting to catch on, it's still rare). people wear nice/casual, nice or very nice/fancy clothing but no gowns, tuxedos, etc.

anyway, we have a family wedding coming up - the first grandchild in our family - and everyone is very happy. SIL sent me an email with some details and added "colors are PurpleCat for female family walking down the aisle and OrangeDog for bridesmaids"

It didn't say that *we* (the aunts and uncles of the bride) are walking down the aisle. it didn't say anything else.

so my questions:
1. do relatives (aunts and uncles and cousins of the bride) usually walk down the aisle?
2. does it sound like we are expected to walk down the aisle, or is this just a "head's up" on what *not* to wear? yes to wear?
2. does my SIL get to dictate the color of our clothing?

obviously the color isn't purplecat but it is a color that I wouldn't normally wear, plus it's a color that isn't really *that* available in party clothing. plus, whatever i wear will have to be very modest (so not sleeveless, not too short, not to open neckline, no sheer sleeves...) so it's going to be a challenge anyway to find something that i like, can afford, fits me, and will be modest enough (or easily adaptable), AND will be PurpleCat color...

bonyk:
I was under them impression that the family walking the bride/groom down the aisle was a Jewish custom, but I thought it was just "immediate" family -- siblings/parents.  I'm thinking she's telling you not to wear PurpleCat or OrangeDog.

Some brides will try to dictate clothing, but it's definitely not standard.  IMO, it's over the top controlling; a wedding is a celebration, not a show. 

guihong:
1. Not usually, unless she means when grandparents/parents are escorted to their seat.  But, if this is a Jewish wedding, then my understanding is that both sets of parents walk down the aisle.

2. It sounds like a heads up not to wear PurpleDog, unless I'm way wrong.

3. No.

Personally, I really dislike being told what to wear to a wedding, besides the formality. 

How is SIL related to the bride?  Is she Grandma?

bloo:
1. & 2. I've never seen anyone but the wedding party and parents of the HC* walk down the aisle, so I don't think you would be expected to. Knowing the wedding colors would ensure you don't buy a dress in those colors and then be mistaken for a member of the wedding party.Not a huge deal to get a dress in those colors - unless you shopped where they purchased the BM's gowns it's unlikely you'd be mistaken for the wedding party. I've only heard of one person getting snitty about it and it was on this website.

3. She just may have been relaying interesting information. I always ask, as a matter of course, the bride's colors when she's planning her wedding. Are you being asked to contribute a cake or wedding favors or decorations? Some might be offering and knowing the colors could be helpful.

*I've always thought of the wedding party as HC, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls and ring bearers; which is why I included parents of HC separately. I might be wrong of course.

TurtleDove:
I would ask your SIL!

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