Baby clothes

[wellisawstar]

I have two cousins, "Amber" and "Kara." Kara is feeling conflicted about something, and I thought that E-Hell might be able to provide her with some guidance.

Amber and Kara live in the same city. They get along reasonably well. Both of them have good jobs and loving partners. Kara just had a baby a month ago. Amber is due in a few weeks. During the last weeks of Kara's pregnancy, Amber has been increasing her demands that Kara give Amber all of the baby's clothes as soon as she grows out of them so that Amber's child has something to wear.

Kara told me that this makes her uncomfortable. She has gotten burned before on lending items to other people, so she no longer does so. Kara said she knows that she and her husband will want to try for another baby at some point, and it would be expensive to replace all of the baby clothes that she bought/was given at a baby shower. Kara has tried to rebuff Amber's requests, but Amber won't budge. Amber keeps saying, "You won't need the clothes that Baby grows out of. Why won't you give them to me?"

Do you folks have any suggestions about what Kara should say or do? I have no idea if Amber and her husband are financially prepared for their baby -- I just know that both of them have good jobs in their fields.

[Harriet Jones]

"No, we're saving them for our next baby"

[learningtofly]

"I'm afraid that won't be possible."

I think Amber has no idea how babies grow.  I have a friend whose son was in 12 month clothes when he was 6 months.  My daughter was just into 9 month clothes when she was at 6 months.  Kara's baby will probably be using the 0-3 month clothes when Amber's child is born.  If they're going to be 2 months apart I don't see how it's possible to share clothes.  What if at 2 months Amber's baby needs the 3-6 month size but Kara's 4 month old is still wearing the 3-6 month clothes? 

I think Amber needs to be told that the children are too close in age for this to be possible.

[Jones]

I have a nephew 5 months younger than my Boo Bear. I haven't passed any of Boo's clothes to him because, from the age of 6 months, the boy has been keeping up with Boo in size. Yes, at 6 months he was wearing 9-12 month clothes. When Boo went into 18 month I found out Nephew had as well.

I agree that Amber needs to get a clue that babies don't grow uniformly.

[Harriet Jones]

She also needs to get a clue about not being entitled to someone else's things.

[Jones]

She also needs to get a clue about not being entitled to someone else's things.

This is true too.

[cicero]

teach kara about JADEing. or not JADEing. (Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain)

These are Kara's clothing and she doesn't have to give them to anyone. She can save them, use them, throw them away, give them away, sell them. they belong to her - not to Amber.

She needs to polish her spine and say to amber "no".
Amber : "You won't need the clothes that Baby grows out of. Why won't you give them to me?"
Kara: "no, that won't be possible/sorry, i can't".
"but why???"
Kara: "because I can't"

[wellisawstar]

"I'm afraid that won't be possible."

I think Amber has no idea how babies grow.  I have a friend whose son was in 12 month clothes when he was 6 months.  My daughter was just into 9 month clothes when she was at 6 months.  Kara's baby will probably be using the 0-3 month clothes when Amber's child is born.  If they're going to be 2 months apart I don't see how it's possible to share clothes.  What if at 2 months Amber's baby needs the 3-6 month size but Kara's 4 month old is still wearing the 3-6 month clothes? 

I think Amber needs to be told that the children are too close in age for this to be possible.

This is an excellent point. I'm going to pass this information on to Kara.

[Sophia]

I used to have a friend who loaned their baby supplies to her BIL and his wife.  They were very clear that they were trying for another baby, and they'd need the stuff back.  When she was PG with the second, they asked for the stuff back.  "Oh, you wanted that back?  We gave it to friends of ours and they sold it."  So, they had to buy the baby stuff again. 
I would be surprised if I was returned anything from someone that Demanded them in the first place. 

[lightning]

I have a 10 month old.  He wears some 9 month clothes, some 12 month, and some 18 month. 

Different brands are differently sized.  If they are only 1-2 months apart, they will mostly likely be in the same size at the same time-- past newborn sized clothes.

And Sophia, I would have been furious!

[HermioneGranger]

My daughter never even wore newborn clothes.     She's a tall one.  That being said, I agree with the others that there may not be anything to "share", depending on how fast they grow.  And it's even ruder to demand something that was never offered.  She should tell her cousin to take a hike and buy her own stuff.  I'll bet you that anything lent will never be returned. 

[bonyk]

Kara has tried to rebuff Amber's requests, but Amber won't budge.

Kara needs to realize that she's the one with the power here.  Amber doesn't need to budge.  She can keep asking.  Kara can keep saying no.  Eventually Amber will either buy her kid clothes, or the kid will be cold. 

[bopper]

"Amber, you really need to be making other plans for clothes and I will tell you why. First, babies grow at different rates.  Your baby may be bigger than mine in a few months.  Also, when I am done with winter clothes it would be summer and then they wouldn't be useful anyway.  Thirdly, you may have a different gendered child. I realize this may make no difference but after a while you won't want your boy in dresses anymore.  Lastly, we are planning to have more than one child so we will be saving them.  But the main reason is that I have gotten burned lending out clothes, I no longer do that.   If you need a reasonably priced source of baby clothes, I suggest the XYZ Consignment Store. They only take clothes in good condition."

[wellisawstar]

I used to have a friend who loaned their baby supplies to her BIL and his wife.  They were very clear that they were trying for another baby, and they'd need the stuff back.  When she was PG with the second, they asked for the stuff back.  "Oh, you wanted that back?  We gave it to friends of ours and they sold it."  So, they had to buy the baby stuff again. 
I would be surprised if I was returned anything from someone that Demanded them in the first place.

This is exactly the kind of situation Kara doesn't want to get in. How terrible.

[siamesecat2965]

I have two cousins, "Amber" and "Kara." Kara is feeling conflicted about something, and I thought that E-Hell might be able to provide her with some guidance.

Amber keeps saying, "You won't need the clothes that Baby grows out of. Why won't you give them to me?"

.

All Kara has to say is "yes, we will need them, therefore you can't have them" in a polite way of course,  And she shouldn't JADE; she needs to simply say no, and keep repeating it, no matter how much Amber bugs her about it.