Baby clothes

[cicero]

"Amber, you really need to be making other plans for clothes and I will tell you why. First, babies grow at different rates.  Your baby may be bigger than mine in a few months.  Also, when I am done with winter clothes it would be summer and then they wouldn't be useful anyway.  Thirdly, you may have a different gendered child. I realize this may make no difference but after a while you won't want your boy in dresses anymore.  Lastly, we are planning to have more than one child so we will be saving them.  But the main reason is that I have gotten burned lending out clothes, I no longer do that.   If you need a reasonably priced source of baby clothes, I suggest the XYZ Consignment Store. They only take clothes in good condition."

fixed that.

while all the above is true - it's not going to work and really, it's not Amber's business why she isn't getting this stuff. When you give reasons why you can't do something, the Ambers of the world will find ways to shoot down each of your reasons.

[O'Dell]

teach kara about JADEing. or not JADEing. (Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain)

These are Kara's clothing and she doesn't have to give them to anyone. She can save them, use them, throw them away, give them away, sell them. they belong to her - not to Amber.

She needs to polish her spine and say to amber "no".
Amber : "You won't need the clothes that Baby grows out of. Why won't you give them to me?"
Kara: "no, that won't be possible/sorry, i can't".
"but why???"
Kara: "because I can't" "Stop asking"

Yep yep yep.

I don't agree with just letting Amber ask again and again. Not due to etiquette but because I have no patience with that sort of thing. I'd insert the bolded. If she asks again, Kara should go directly to changing the subject or ending the conversation.

[VltGrantham]

I do not lend things that I ever care to see again unless I know the person very well and have a reasonable trust in their responsibility.  I would loan my Mother or one of my SIL's a crock-pot or other holiday supplies in a moment.  I would not, however, loan those same items to my MIL, other SILs, or neighbors.

I agree with the others that Kara should not give an explanation and should offer only a recommendation, if she has one, on where to find baby clothes.

It's really too bad that people cannot understand why they are not entitled to another's belongings--whether it be for a baby, yard tools, etc.

[Piratelvr1121]

"I'm afraid that won't be possible."

I think Amber has no idea how babies grow.  I have a friend whose son was in 12 month clothes when he was 6 months.  My daughter was just into 9 month clothes when she was at 6 months.  Kara's baby will probably be using the 0-3 month clothes when Amber's child is born.  If they're going to be 2 months apart I don't see how it's possible to share clothes.  What if at 2 months Amber's baby needs the 3-6 month size but Kara's 4 month old is still wearing the 3-6 month clothes? 

I think Amber needs to be told that the children are too close in age for this to be possible.

POD. I remember when I was expecting my first, at the baby shower I got very few 0-3 month clothes and was told that since babies on my father's side and DH's side tend to be rather big at birth, they wouldn't stay in 0-3 month outfits for long.   It took him about 3 months to really fit in them well.  Ya really never know.  That and the way different brands size things makes a difference too.  In some outfits the babe could wear 12 months and fit perfectly when he was 9 months, whereas others were way too big. 

Then there's the issue of proportions.  All my boys, up till around 7 were all torso so if you bought an outfit in size 9 months, the shirt would fit perfectly but the pants were way too long.  The 11 year old is just finally able to wear size 12-14 pants without stepping on the hem.

[The Wild One, Forever]

"Amber, you really need to be making other plans for clothes and I will tell you why. First, babies grow at different rates.  Your baby may be bigger than mine in a few months.  Also, when I am done with winter clothes it would be summer and then they wouldn't be useful anyway.  Thirdly, you may have a different gendered child. I realize this may make no difference but after a while you won't want your boy in dresses anymore.  Lastly, we are planning to have more than one child so we will be saving them.  But the main reason is that I have gotten burned lending out clothes, I no longer do that.   If you need a reasonably priced source of baby clothes, I suggest the XYZ Consignment Store. They only take clothes in good condition."

This is great.  It might be more of an explanation than Amber really deserves or whatever, but it sums it up nicely and leaves little room for argument.

My cousin had a baby boy exactly four months after I had my son.  I gave her all my newborn stuff because my son never did get to wear it; he was an average birth weight and height, but quickly took off to where he remained at the 95th percentile for height and weight throughout babyhood and toddlerhood.  They grow them big on his daddy's side of the family!  He was always in "double" whatever his age was in size, so, for example, at age six months, he was wearing 12 month (or 1 T) clothing. 

[bopper]

I had a smallish baby and she was in 3 months clothes at 3 months, 6 months at 6 months, etc.

[TootsNYC]

I think she should get a bit testy (just a *bit*) and say, very patiently, "I'm not going to give you my baby's clothes. I'm going to hang onto them. Get your own."

Cut and paste.

Don't explain a darned thing.

[kudeebee]

"Amber, you really need to be making other plans for clothes and I will tell you why. First, babies grow at different rates.  Your baby may be bigger than mine in a few months.  Also, when I am done with winter clothes it would be summer and then they wouldn't be useful anyway.  Thirdly, you may have a different gendered child. I realize this may make no difference but after a while you won't want your boy in dresses anymore.  Lastly, we are planning to have more than one child so we will be saving them.  But the main reason is that I have gotten burned lending out clothes, I no longer do that.   If you need a reasonably priced source of baby clothes, I suggest the XYZ Consignment Store. They only take clothes in good condition."

fixed that.

while all the above is true - it's not going to work and really, it's not Amber's business why she isn't getting this stuff. When you give reasons why you can't do something, the Ambers of the world will find ways to shoot down each of your reasons.

I agree with the above.  Just tell her "no.". Giving reasons or an explanation just opens it up for more discussion.

"Amber, I will not be loaning you any clothes.  Do not ask again." if she asks again, " I have given my answer which is no.". Asks another time, bean dip.

[Arrynne]

It's one thing to offer the clothes, quite another to demand. I started a baby clothing collective with my group of friends as I'm happy to share. My husband and I are waiting for a second child, and we've been blessed with a lot of clothes. The size issue that some people brought up is a big one. My son is almost two, but due to some medical issues he's tiny. He just outgrew the 9 month clothing and is comfortably in 12 month clothes. One of the friends we lent to has a huge baby that is wearing Buddy's 9 month clothes at 4 months, and is rapidly needing 12 month clothing. He'll be handing clothes down to Buddy before long.

[peaches]

"Amber, you really need to be making other plans for clothes and I will tell you why. First, babies grow at different rates.  Your baby may be bigger than mine in a few months.  Also, when I am done with winter clothes it would be summer and then they wouldn't be useful anyway.  Thirdly, you may have a different gendered child. I realize this may make no difference but after a while you won't want your boy in dresses anymore.  Lastly, we are planning to have more than one child so we will be saving them.  But the main reason is that I have gotten burned lending out clothes, I no longer do that.   If you need a reasonably priced source of baby clothes, I suggest the XYZ Consignment Store. They only take clothes in good condition."

fixed that.

while all the above is true - it's not going to work and really, it's not Amber's business why she isn't getting this stuff. When you give reasons why you can't do something, the Ambers of the world will find ways to shoot down each of your reasons.

POD

I'm appalled that anyone, whether cousin, sibling or friend, would feel entitled to someone else's child's clothing. Totally inappropriate.

[CakeEater]

I would never lend clothing, especially, that I expected back. Baby clothes can be ruined by all kinds of spills and stains. If I give kids clothes, I'm doing it because I never want to see those clothes again. I would never lend baby clothes with the expectation tht they would come back at all, or come back in the state they were given.

And to add to the baby growth discussion, even if these two babies did follow the exact same growth pattern, what you don't want to be doing when you have a newborn is constantly sorting out which clothes don't fit them anymore and packing them up and carting them around to someone else's place. Apart from the expectation of someone lending you their things, this is a big effort to ask of someone.

[VltGrantham]

Not to mention, many people trade in their children's outgrown clothing at consignment stores for credit on "new" clothing for their kids.  It should not be assumed that simply because the clothing is out grown that it no longer has value--sentimental or otherwise.

[Zilla]

Kara can simply say that she isn't lending out the baby clothes as she is keeping them for her own children.  But that if she has any extras, she will pass them down. (that way it's a partial no)  Or she can simply decline.
 
Why does Kara feel conflicted in saying this?

[wellisawstar]

Kara can simply say that she isn't lending out the baby clothes as she is keeping them for her own children.  But that if she has any extras, she will pass them down. (that way it's a partial no)  Or she can simply decline.
 
Why does Kara feel conflicted in saying this?

Kara says Amber doesn't understand that just because something isn't being used right now doesn't mean it's available for lending. I'm not sure if this extends to other things, such as books or movies.

[O'Dell]

Kara can simply say that she isn't lending out the baby clothes as she is keeping them for her own children.  But that if she has any extras, she will pass them down. (that way it's a partial no)  Or she can simply decline.
 
Why does Kara feel conflicted in saying this?

Kara says Amber doesn't understand that just because something isn't being used right now doesn't mean it's available for lending. I'm not sure if this extends to other things, such as books or movies.

Amber doesn't want to understand.