Baby clothes

[GrammarNerd]

Is it awful of me to hope that Amber's child is the poster child for a chubby baby, and ends up being bigger than Kara's baby, while Kara's baby is more petite?  And then for Kara to ask Amber why Amber isn't giving Kara all of her baby's outgrown clothes?   

[Zilla]

Kara can simply say that she isn't lending out the baby clothes as she is keeping them for her own children.  But that if she has any extras, she will pass them down. (that way it's a partial no)  Or she can simply decline.
 
Why does Kara feel conflicted in saying this?

Kara says Amber doesn't understand that just because something isn't being used right now doesn't mean it's available for lending. I'm not sure if this extends to other things, such as books or movies.

Amber doesn't want to understand.

Got it, when I first posted, for some reason it only showed me a few posts.  I didn't see the rest.
 
In that case, then she will have to say, "No." when Amber asks.  And if Amber asks why not.  Kara can say, "I am not giving them away."  And leave it at that.  If she whines about it, ignore it or walk away each time.  Don't justify it.  Eventually they will get it.

[Emmy]

I takes a lot of nerve to feel entitled to anything 'just because'.  Kara has the right to do whatever she wishes with the clothing and doesn't owe Amber a reason or explanation.  As others have said, often people will just try to argue your valid reasons and it's best not to give them the chance.  If Kara said, "well your baby may grow faster than mine", Amber might argue "well if he doesn't, you can still give me the clothes".  If Kara said, "I am saving them for future children", Amber could say "we'll give them back to you when you have another kid", ect.

I have a tiny DD who is 16 months and wearing 6-9 month and 9-12 month clothing.  I have heard of 4 or 5 month olds weighing the same as DD.  Of course if Kara's baby does grow faster than Amber's baby, that still doesn't give her any right to the clothing.

[drzim]

I, too, had a pushy relative who thought she had "dibs" on my DD's baby clothes for her own kid. 

My response, "Sure, I'll lend the clothes to you when we're done with them."  We had the fortune of having a second DD, so of course we kept the clothes for her after DD1 had outgrown them.  Any requests were met with "Of course, you can have them when we're done with them".

Guess what?  We're still not done with them.

[Deetee]

As with everyone else this is both a rude demand and a silly one as they are only 2 months apart.

But saying "no" is not rude. She can cast it as "that doesn't work for me" or just "I'm keeping these clothes" or simply "No"

[LadyR]

Babies grow so differently that even if Kara was willing, there's no guarentee. I'd planned to pass stuff onto a friend due 3 months after me as we both had boys. Her first as little, so we all assumed her 2nd would be too. Nope, he quickly grew much larger than my son. Also my son as in 6-12 months clothes for 8 months, which i hadn't expected. We are having a second, but I did pass on some of his clothes as we got SO much second hand and as gifts plus stuff i bought and i knew i wouldn't want to save all of it, so Kara may change her mind about that. I think Amber is being unreasonable though.

[Lynda_34]

I love consignment shops. 
However, I also seem to sniff out Special Snowflake status here and my evil twin is hoping there will be more adventures.

I took my son and his daughter to a second hand shop and bought her about five outfits for $6. When he was little we shopped at Goodwill and one year I outfitted him with six pairs of jeans for school which cost me less than $30.

He told me the other day that he'd gone to a second hand shop with his daughter and picked out outfits for her.  Said it reminded him of when he was a child.

We also had a shoe discussion.  I always bought cheap $6 shoes from a retail chain and my sister in law always bought high end shoes  around $35.  He bought a pair of sneakers for about $8.  My nephew's shoes were occasionally too tight since they were so expensive. My kids not a problem. Cheap shoes go get another pair since the footbed molds to the child's imprint.

[TootsNYC]

Kara can simply say that she isn't lending out the baby clothes as she is keeping them for her own children.  But that if she has any extras, she will pass them down. (that way it's a partial no)  Or she can simply decline.
 
Why does Kara feel conflicted in saying this?

Kara says Amber doesn't understand that just because something isn't being used right now doesn't mean it's available for lending. I'm not sure if this extends to other things, such as books or movies.

So?

Kara understands, and that's all that matters.

Kara has all the power here--she simply puts the baby clothes in a box and puts them in the back closet.

Her *only* obligation to Amber is to clearly say, "I'm not loaning you my baby clothes--you'll need to get your own." Once. Clearly.

Kara doesn't need to get Amber's permission. She doesn't need to get Amber's acknowledgment of having heard her.
She just says it once, and then she gets a box to put them in (or a plastic bin--an opaque one if Amber goes to her house very often).

[Girlie]

I am completely in awe of anyone who thinks that someone should give them stuff "just because."

Throw me in with those who have said that your friend needs to tell Amber no, and that no reason(s) or excuse(s) are necessary. Sure, Amber might get mad, but since she's volunteering that someone else offer her their things, it's really all on her.

Really, couldn't it work the other way, too? Perhaps your friend should suggest to Amber that Amber's family should be in charge of buying all the necessary clothing items, let HER use them, and then Amber's family could have them back for good once her baby is done with them. I imagine Amber wouldn't be quite so fond of looking at things from THAT direction. 

[wellisawstar]

I just wanted to reply and thank everyone for their suggestions. I have passed along that advice to Kara, and I hope she puts it into action.

[Sharnita]

Just had a thought - AMber could probably find a lot of clothes at Mom to Mom sales. She would be spending a lost less than if she brought brand new clothes and she could decide for herself which clothes were worth it.  Maybe the two new mommies could even hit the sales together.