General Etiquette > general

Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse

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So a friend of mine who I absolutely adore lives just down the road has just had her baby. I have not seen her in ages. I just saw her and her husband pushing bubs down the street in a pram. Lots of waves and smiles and I told her I would come and see her ASAP, as in today.

I haven't seen her for ages because pregnancy scares the living daylights out of me. I know it is the most natural thing in the world and I was delighted for her when she told me as I know how much her and her husband wanted a baby. The thought of of it just fills me with dread and giving birth would be about the scariest thing ever conceived (sorry about the pun). The thought of people I care about having to go through it, basically I just can't cope with. I think I have a handle on why this is as my brother has a similar response. I know it is irrational but I always think they are going to die giving birth.

So when I do see her do I offer my apologies and tell her I am useless and need to be soundly beaten for being a slack friend, or do I tell her the truth which just sounds totally crazy? I have mentioned this in passing to her many years ago but she may have forgotten or not be aware of the extent of it. Any the moment I am erring towards of saying anything as I may very well burst into tears at the thought of it and then she really will think I am nuts.

The universal "excuse" is that you've been crazy busy the last few sheer coincidence, it was about eight or nine months.....but don't mention that.

Then ask about how Bubs is NOW and don't ask any questions about pregnancy, labor, or childbirth - only what came after the pregnancy was over.

Or maybe just go on and on about how cute the Bubs is!

Actually, I'd take the hit and admit the truth rather than claim you have been too busy.


--- Quote from: Sharnita on November 20, 2012, 08:01:39 PM ---Actually, I'd take the hit and admit the truth rather than claim you have been too busy.

--- End quote ---

Too busy would be a massive lie and she knows would know it, so I think the truth would be best but I don't want to upset her by me getting freaked out. I bet it is the cutest baby in the world seeing both her and hubby are ridiculously good looking. Hopefully she is so thrilled with the new arrival she can see beyond my not insignificant failings.

gramma dishes:
I'm trying to figure out how you would even begin to tell her the "truth".  Somehow, the explanation "I get so freaked out when anyone I know and care about is going to have a baby because I'm afraid they'll die" just doesn't quite sound like the way to go.

I don't know that you have to say anything.  It's possible that she does remember your previous conversation and understands why you haven't been around.  Or maybe she doesn't.  But I think sometimes it's just best to pick up where you are now and move forward. 

Go visit them and their new little one and maybe take the baby a gift.  Don't make excuses for not having been around.  They aren't necessary.


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