Author Topic: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse  (Read 7582 times)

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Sharnita

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #30 on: November 22, 2012, 08:14:12 AM »
A phobia is not reality based.

Kaypeep

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #31 on: November 22, 2012, 09:32:58 AM »

First babies. The first one always makes me very scared as it is so much riskier. By the third one I begin to relax and think..

I'm confused; you have never mentioned their other kids before, and this makes it sound like they already have two. Where have they been? How come they don't live with their parents?

I believe the OP is speaking in the general sense, not about anyone in particular, and not about her roommates.

Honeypickle

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #32 on: November 22, 2012, 11:12:00 AM »
Pippen, you were hired at aged FOURTEEN to be a live in nanny for 3 month old twins??!!!! I find that astonishing. And frankly quite hard to believe. If you are genuine, then I pre-emptively apologise, but people are spending time in trying to help you in this thread, and I hope you are not wasting their time.

Mr Wigglybones

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #33 on: November 22, 2012, 07:37:55 PM »

First babies. The first one always makes me very scared as it is so much riskier. By the third one I begin to relax and think..

I'm confused; you have never mentioned their other kids before, and this makes it sound like they already have two. Where have they been? How come they don't live with their parents?

I believe the OP is speaking in the general sense, not about anyone in particular, and not about her roommates.


Cass asked specifically about Pippen's housemates and that is the response Pippen gave, which is what lead me to believe she was talking about the housemate.

wendelenn

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #34 on: November 22, 2012, 07:58:13 PM »
Pippen, you were hired at aged FOURTEEN to be a live in nanny for 3 month old twins??!!!! I find that astonishing. And frankly quite hard to believe. If you are genuine, then I pre-emptively apologise, but people are spending time in trying to help you in this thread, and I hope you are not wasting their time.

Yeah, this thread is getting simply ridiculously confusing.
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Sharnita

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #35 on: November 22, 2012, 08:04:51 PM »
I don't really find it confusing. I can't see any reason for OP to fabricate any of this so I think some confusion might be coming from people reading into details what isn't there.

kareng57

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #36 on: November 22, 2012, 08:07:58 PM »
I don't really find it confusing. I can't see any reason for OP to fabricate any of this so I think some confusion might be coming from people reading into details what isn't there.


Well, I too agree that a 14-year-old as a live-in nanny for 3-month-old twins is definitely a "raised eyebrow" issue.  Perhaps it was a situation where she was going to school during the day, but boarding with the family and helping out with the babies in the afternoon-evening? - I don't think it's wrong for people here to ask for clarification.

Sharnita

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #37 on: November 22, 2012, 10:27:32 PM »
I'm thinking summer vacation.

Bijou

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #38 on: November 25, 2012, 12:32:59 PM »
So a friend of mine who I absolutely adore lives just down the road has just had her baby. I have not seen her in ages. I just saw her and her husband pushing bubs down the street in a pram. Lots of waves and smiles and I told her I would come and see her ASAP, as in today.

I haven't seen her for ages because pregnancy scares the living daylights out of me. I know it is the most natural thing in the world and I was delighted for her when she told me as I know how much her and her husband wanted a baby. The thought of of it just fills me with dread and giving birth would be about the scariest thing ever conceived (sorry about the pun). The thought of people I care about having to go through it, basically I just can't cope with. I think I have a handle on why this is as my brother has a similar response. I know it is irrational but I always think they are going to die giving birth.

So when I do see her do I offer my apologies and tell her I am useless and need to be soundly beaten for being a slack friend, or do I tell her the truth which just sounds totally crazy? I have mentioned this in passing to her many years ago but she may have forgotten or not be aware of the extent of it. Any the moment I am erring towards of saying anything as I may very well burst into tears at the thought of it and then she really will think I am nuts.
Friendship is a two way street.  Did she try to see you but you avoided her and made excuses to keep your distance?  If not, you have no worries, as she could have tried to visit with you, as well.  It doesn't sound like she tried to visit with you and you kept finding excuses to not get together. I'm not faulting her if she didn't try to get together at all, pregnancy, like other life events, can change your schedule (been there, done that times 6  ;) ), depending on how you feel.  I'm just pointing out that peoples lives go various ways for various reasons and then maybe come back together.
« Last Edit: November 25, 2012, 12:50:21 PM by Bijou »
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scansons

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #39 on: November 25, 2012, 01:03:41 PM »
OP, I don't think it's that big a deal that you didn't see her during the pregnancy, and I doubt she'll ask about it.  I found with mine that during the late stages of pregnancy I didn't want to see most people.  I wouldn't have had the energy at all, even if they had come to visit, and I certainly was in no mood to go hang out. 

In fact you may be the best kind of friend a pregnant woman could have.  You're happy when she tells you, and then by the time she's really uncomfortable with even going out in public because how she looks, and how much work it is, and she just really wants to be left alone instead of questioned daily about her blood pressure, and when the due date is, and asked to describe the nursery for the 10,000 time, you are willing to leave her alone.  Which was all I really wanted by about six months in.  Just to be left alone by the crazy people.  Then you show up again when the baby is born, and you're happy that everything went well.  I don't think you need to feel any guilt about this at all.  I think most pregnant women understand that lots of people are sensitive about pregnancy/young children for one reason or another.  It's not you failing as her friend, it just is what it is.  And you dealt with it, and didn't take it out on her.  Your fine in my book.   

Also, totally can see this phobia.  "What to Expect, when You're Expecting" = #5 on my Top Scariest books of all time.  I'm shocked it's not the centerpiece of a scared straight program for scrabble playing teens somewhere. 

Jones

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #40 on: November 25, 2012, 01:06:52 PM »
When I was 14-15, I spent my summers in the two houses next door watching children, ages 9 and under. I came home to sleep, and sometimes not much of that. So I don't find the live-in-nanny thing to be a raised eyebrow at all.

Also, phobias are NOT reality based. I have a phobia of being in a plane crash. This resulted in a panic attack at a local theater a few months ago. I knew the movie was fake, I knew I wasn't on a plane, but I still hyperventalated, grabbed at DH and blacked out briefly. I can certainly see how a pregnancy phobia would be more acute if a friend hasn't yet "proven" she'll live through it, and be ignorable if she isn't yet showing the pregnancy.

Pippen, I wouldn't bother explaining to Friend, especially if she's already heard of your fear, unless she asks directly.

Sharnita

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #41 on: November 25, 2012, 01:49:12 PM »
Yeah, people with no allergies can have terrible phobias of teeny spiders that actually destroy harmful insects.  The phobia does not reflect the reality of the situation.

Bijou

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #42 on: November 25, 2012, 01:53:21 PM »
Tell the truth. A phobia is a very real condition and doesn't mean you're 'crazy'.
If one has a phobia, they need not share that information with anyone.  It's no one else's business.
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Surianne

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #43 on: November 25, 2012, 01:56:32 PM »
Yep, phobias aren't rational at all -- that's what makes them phobias.  I'd like to say just be honest with her, but unfortunately I've found that isn't always helpful.  I'm very claustrophobic, and I've dealt with people who believe I'm lying (as you're encountering in this thread), faking it for attention, overstating my fear to get an aisle seat on a bus, etc.  And that's with a phobia that most people have heard of.  Yours must be even harder.

So I'd go with being a part of her life now that you can.  If she asks about your absence, you can try to explain, but otherwise I wouldn't worry about it.  I think Bijou and Scansons have very good points: if she wasn't trying to make plans with you, she likely didn't even notice or mind your absence during the pregnancy.

Sharnita

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Re: Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse
« Reply #44 on: November 25, 2012, 01:57:26 PM »
It can become somebody's business is/when it impacts their life or relationships. OP feels some concern that her relationship has impacted her friendship and her absence has unintentionally hurt her friend's feeings.