General Etiquette > general

Tell the truth and sound crazy or make up an excuse

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I don't really find it confusing. I can't see any reason for OP to fabricate any of this so I think some confusion might be coming from people reading into details what isn't there.


--- Quote from: Sharnita on November 22, 2012, 07:04:51 PM ---I don't really find it confusing. I can't see any reason for OP to fabricate any of this so I think some confusion might be coming from people reading into details what isn't there.

--- End quote ---

Well, I too agree that a 14-year-old as a live-in nanny for 3-month-old twins is definitely a "raised eyebrow" issue.  Perhaps it was a situation where she was going to school during the day, but boarding with the family and helping out with the babies in the afternoon-evening? - I don't think it's wrong for people here to ask for clarification.

I'm thinking summer vacation.


--- Quote from: Pippen on November 20, 2012, 07:58:19 PM ---So a friend of mine who I absolutely adore lives just down the road has just had her baby. I have not seen her in ages. I just saw her and her husband pushing bubs down the street in a pram. Lots of waves and smiles and I told her I would come and see her ASAP, as in today.

I haven't seen her for ages because pregnancy scares the living daylights out of me. I know it is the most natural thing in the world and I was delighted for her when she told me as I know how much her and her husband wanted a baby. The thought of of it just fills me with dread and giving birth would be about the scariest thing ever conceived (sorry about the pun). The thought of people I care about having to go through it, basically I just can't cope with. I think I have a handle on why this is as my brother has a similar response. I know it is irrational but I always think they are going to die giving birth.

So when I do see her do I offer my apologies and tell her I am useless and need to be soundly beaten for being a slack friend, or do I tell her the truth which just sounds totally crazy? I have mentioned this in passing to her many years ago but she may have forgotten or not be aware of the extent of it. Any the moment I am erring towards of saying anything as I may very well burst into tears at the thought of it and then she really will think I am nuts.

--- End quote ---
Friendship is a two way street.  Did she try to see you but you avoided her and made excuses to keep your distance?  If not, you have no worries, as she could have tried to visit with you, as well.  It doesn't sound like she tried to visit with you and you kept finding excuses to not get together. I'm not faulting her if she didn't try to get together at all, pregnancy, like other life events, can change your schedule (been there, done that times 6  ;) ), depending on how you feel.  I'm just pointing out that peoples lives go various ways for various reasons and then maybe come back together.

OP, I don't think it's that big a deal that you didn't see her during the pregnancy, and I doubt she'll ask about it.  I found with mine that during the late stages of pregnancy I didn't want to see most people.  I wouldn't have had the energy at all, even if they had come to visit, and I certainly was in no mood to go hang out. 

In fact you may be the best kind of friend a pregnant woman could have.  You're happy when she tells you, and then by the time she's really uncomfortable with even going out in public because how she looks, and how much work it is, and she just really wants to be left alone instead of questioned daily about her blood pressure, and when the due date is, and asked to describe the nursery for the 10,000 time, you are willing to leave her alone.  Which was all I really wanted by about six months in.  Just to be left alone by the crazy people.  Then you show up again when the baby is born, and you're happy that everything went well.  I don't think you need to feel any guilt about this at all.  I think most pregnant women understand that lots of people are sensitive about pregnancy/young children for one reason or another.  It's not you failing as her friend, it just is what it is.  And you dealt with it, and didn't take it out on her.  Your fine in my book.   

Also, totally can see this phobia.  "What to Expect, when You're Expecting" = #5 on my Top Scariest books of all time.  I'm shocked it's not the centerpiece of a scared straight program for scrabble playing teens somewhere. 


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