General Etiquette > Life...in general

Am I being unreasonable? Update p12 & 15.

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Loruaus:
I have had a weekend away (this coming weekend) booked in with one of my besties since mid September, it was meant to be fly up Thursday evening and spend the night at her house, then drive down to nice town for Friday and Saturday night and stay at nice resort. I will then fly out of nice town on Sunday and friend will return home.

Since the origional plan (but still hadnt booked flights or accomodation) we have bought a house which we have a very short (for Australia) settlement on and are getting the keys this Friday (YAY!) While I am excited about the house I do trust my husband to do the final inspection without me and he has said he is happy to have the kids and move a few smaller things in.

About 3 weeks ago friend told me she has organised an open on her rental property for Saturday that she needs to be there for. The clash in dates was very avoidable but sometimes accidents happen and I do not believe for a second that it was intentional, she is just not that person. So I told her no worries, it is dissapointing it happened but we can change our plans and stay at her house Thursday and Friday night then drive down to nice town Saturday after the open house.
About three days later I confirmed with her our plans and then booked my flights and accomodation.

On Saturday of last week I found out that her dog (whom they are very attached too) had surgery to remove cancer from his face, the poor little woofa looked very sad about his ordeal. But from keepeing in touch with her to get updates on the dog it would appear he his getting alot better every day.
Today I recieve a call from friend and am told that husband is giving her grief about leaving him with the responsibility of the dog for 24hours and doesnt want friend to go. Special requirements for the dog at this stage is the application of cream to the wound three times a day.
Friend wants to now stay at her house for the whole time and she will drive me to nice town on Sunday to catch my flight. I told friend that I am not happy with this option, that I have already compromised and am not willing to do so any further and that I do not want to spend the time at her house if husband is in that mood (I have known husband since before they were even dating which is about 17 years and he gets in 'those moods')
I told her I was happy to spend the Thursday and Friday night at her house and then get dropped off at nice town where I will catch up on my reading.

I cannot get a refund for flights or accomodation, I could postpone 1 of the flights for another time.
Friend believes that my attitude is unreasonable and feels that if I will still get to see friend and hang out so there shouldnt be any problems with her suggestion. I am hurt and angry at the turn of events, and really believe that up till now I have been reasonable.

Am I being unreasonable?

gen xer:
No....not at all.  You have already been quite accomodating by agreeing to a change in plans and you know what?  It goes both ways. I would not be pleased to have plans where I had to book flights and accomodations derailed by a dog that needed ointment.

diesel_darlin:

--- Quote from: gen xer on November 20, 2012, 10:18:10 PM ---No....not at all.  You have already been quite accomodating by agreeing to a change in plans and you know what?  It goes both ways. I would not be pleased to have plans where I had to book flights and accomodations derailed by a dog that needed ointment.

--- End quote ---

This. I do not think you are being unreasonable either.

blarg314:

So as I understand it, the original plan of one night at your friend's house, and two days at a nice resort with your friend has changed to three days at your friend's house with her husband in a sulky mood. This is the second re-arrangement for what were both avoidable issues, and you will still have to pay for the hotel room in resort town, even if you stay with friend all three nights.

Personally, I think it would be perfectly reasonable to spend Thursday and Friday evening with your friend, and head down to the resort town on Saturday as planned, to get your money's worth. The only difference is that I'd leave *before* your friend's open house, as she's not really going to be available to socialize then. You've paid for the the hotel already, you might as well enjoy it. And you can't reschedule your flights to a better time.

I'm assuming your friend has not spontaneously offered to cover the hotel costs, by the way. If she had, or if the reschedulings had been for really unavoidable stuff, you'd likely have been more willing to forgo your original plans.

Deetee:
Nope, you are not unreasonable. You have been flexible and accomodating.

I'm not sure what the best choice is now. Your friend seems to want to do anything to keep her husband happy and/or is not as into this trip as you. The husband sounds like a pill, but there isn't much hope of that changing. I think I would just make it very very clear to the friend what you are willing to do and what you are not.

Something like

"Friend, I was really looking to this time at the resort with just you and me. I was OK with switching from 2 days in the nice town to just one day because of the mix-up with the rental, but staying for three days at your house with you and your husband is just not the same as the vacation we had planned. As far as I can tell the only reason you want to cancel is because your husband doesn't want to put the cream on the dog's face and that is not a good enough reason to cancel for me.

So I will come down on Friday and then go down to resort town by myself. I would rather spend the time with you, but if you can't do that, I would rather spend the time by myself than stay with you and your husband. "

I might make some appeal to the friendship, but (personally) I wouldn't be able to stay with them because I would be too annoyed at the sulky useless husband and her for listening to him to have a good time.


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