I am not a "Miss"

[LadyJaneinMD]

I consider myself a "Miss" and I am in my late 30s. I thomk people are using itto convey respect, not their idea of compparritive age.

I'm in my 50s and I'm still a Miss and will probably be buried a Miss.  It'd better be spelled right in the funeral program!

[hobish]

I don't think they were using "Miss" as a title but rather were simply reflecting your gender.  This wasn't mail or being used with your last name as a title, it was a generic way of addressing a total stranger who happened to be female.  I bet your DH goes by "Mr" as his title but in stores and restaurants is called "sir" - its the same thing.  He's not a knight and you aren't unmarried, and really neither fact makes a hoot of a difference, because it not being used a a title, its being used in lieu of a name.

Ding ding ding ding ding.

 I just can't picture saying, "It's ma'am, actually," and not seeming kind of loony. Asking them to call you Mrs. LastName doesn't really work, either. I really don't think there is anything you can say, just as those of us who despise being called ma'am have to just move on. And really, it's not as if you somehow deserve more respect because you have a ring on your finger and kids in tow, so i'm not getting where "Miss" somehow bestows less respect.

[Giggity]

One of my math students calls me "Mrs." (without my last name).  He's trying to be very respectful, and it always sounds so cute to me.

ALL my teacher friends - I know because after a few mentioned it, I asked the rest - are referred to as "Miss." Not Miss Smith, not Miss Anything ... just Miss.

"Miss, do we have a quiz this week?"

"Miss, when's this assignment due?"

[Yvaine]

One of my math students calls me "Mrs." (without my last name).  He's trying to be very respectful, and it always sounds so cute to me.

ALL my teacher friends - I know because after a few mentioned it, I asked the rest - are referred to as "Miss." Not Miss Smith, not Miss Anything ... just Miss.

"Miss, do we have a quiz this week?"

"Miss, when's this assignment due?"

In our area, it was Miss/Mrs./Ms. Lastname, but in practice it all kind of got mumbled together and all the titles ended up sounding the same. Miss Smith, Mrs. Smith, and Ms. Smith all came out sort of like mzzsmith.

[Acadianna]

One of my math students calls me "Mrs." (without my last name).  He's trying to be very respectful, and it always sounds so cute to me.

ALL my teacher friends - I know because after a few mentioned it, I asked the rest - are referred to as "Miss." Not Miss Smith, not Miss Anything ... just Miss.

"Miss, do we have a quiz this week?"

"Miss, when's this assignment due?"

That's true in my school too.  It's why I think his using "Mrs." instead of "Miss" is so cute.   

[Ms_Cellany]

A local oddity: I've noticed in Mexican restaurants and stores that I get called "Lady."  "Here you are, Lady."

In the Anglo culture, that's rude (try it in a New York accent). But it's said respectfully and it's a literal translation of "Senora," and I'm fine with it.

[mbbored]

Clearly I'm going against the trend here, but I'd rather be called ma'am. In my mind, miss is for teenagers and young girls. Once you become an adult, ma'am is more appropriate for women. (For the record, I'm from North Carolina.)

I agree - except that it also becomes appropriate again when you are elderly, in the South. I call my MIL "Miss Marie" and it's totally appropriate for the relationship - and I've been told all my life to add that honorific to elderly women's names, the same as my FIL (were he alive) would be Mr. Claude.

I agree with calling women you know "Miss Dorothy" or "Miss Evelyn," but with strangers, it's ma'am all the way.

[MissRose]

Being called a "miss" does not bother me all that much.  I know I am single.  At least, most people address my personal or business mail with Ms. MissRose Last Name on it.

[EmmaJ.]

I view it as a way of politely addressing a stranger so I don't care if I'm called miss or ma'am.

The only time I was offended was at a restaurant with my work team.  The waiter took orders from everyone, came to me and said "Well, young lady, what can I get for you?"

Seriously?  I have a ton of grey hair and wrinkles, and yes, I am the oldest in my department.  I hate to be patronized.

[ilrag]

OP it sounds like this is happening with people you'll never encounter again. Or people you won't encounter regularly.

If that's the case just sigh in your head and move on. 

I understand how it's annoying to be taken as younger then you are. I'm 31 but I have never been able to purchase alcohol with out showing my ID. Including wine club deliveries to my house. I've been able to legally drink for a decade but the UPS guy won't leave my expensive wine that's in my name at my house with me until he sees ID. I used to get really annoyed but they're just doing their job.

Same with the waiter who called you "miss" it's nicer then "hey, YOU" or what ever.  I also live in the southwest and don't think I've ever heard some one being called "Ma'am".

[DottyG]

I love Ms. Unfortunately, I don't know that it's really caught on around here as used all by itself--i.e., people will say "Ms. Smith" but nobody in this area says "Ms.! You dropped your purse!" or "Can I help you, Ms.?" with no name attached.

I abhor "Ms."

[Bandu]

In our area, it was Miss/Mrs./Ms. Lastname, but in practice it all kind of got mumbled together and all the titles ended up sounding the same. Miss Smith, Mrs. Smith, and Ms. Smith all came out sort of like mzzsmith.

Smalltown Texan here, and this (above) is how I learned it and still say it, and how most folks seem to say it in the small towns. It's Miss for girls, and "Miz" for all adult females you don't know the marital status of (and the participles, they dangle...)

I've worked in front of the public all my life, but I can't say I've ever had time to stop and look at someone's finger to see if there's something there that might be a wedding ring. But then, I didn't have to, because of the Miz thing. 

Interesting thread.

[judecat]

Are you sure they are calling you "Miss" and not using the generic "Ms."  I'm a cashier in a convenience store,  and my interactions with customers are usually not prolonged enough for me to even concern myself with marital status, or looking for clues.  It's "Ms" if you look under 40 or so,  "ma'am" if you look older.

That's outright age discrimination!  Ms. Is appropriate for any age.

 No it's not --Age discrimination would be if I would refuse to wait on someone because of age.     

[ladyknight1]

When I worked in customer service, I had my share of older women who were offended by ma'am and ms. I don't think there is a one size fits all here.

[Shea]

I know that this is my own hang up, but is there any reasonable way to adddress this without coming across as a crazy lady and making some poor service employee's day darker?

Honestly, I don't think there is a way. Speech habits, especially small unconscious ones, are difficult to change, and it's not like they're calling you something everyone recognizes as rude or insulting. I'm not trying to sound mean, but this is one of those things that I think lies within you, not in trying to correct other people who aren't wrong in the first place.

I agree. I don't see it as rude, even if it's not your preferred term. As long as the salesperson is being polite (reasonably helpful, polite tone, etc.) it would come off as nitpicky and frankly odd to tell them not to call you Miss, especially if you're just having a basic sales transaction.

Nobody uses Miss around here, and Ma'am is rare. Madame (I live in a largely bilingual city, French and English) is very common for all females over the age of about 15, however, regardless of marital status, presumed or otherwise . I've had a few people call me Mademoiselle, even though the word generally refers to young girls rather than any unmarried woman, which I thought was a little odd, but didn't seem to be said with any kind of ill intent. Mostly I've gotten Madame since I was about 14. None of the variations bother me, as long as the interaction is polite.

I think you just need to realize that this is a quirky pet peeve of yours (we've all got 'em) and just ignore it.