Football Feudin'

[sparksals]

It sounds like SIL comes to TG with your family every year.  Is she by chance forgoing HER family's TG to go to yours?  I ask b/c if she is always coming to your TG and not seeing her family, then a bit of understanding would be in order.  She has traditions she values and may miss spending the holiday with her family.   

I think it is rude to have the TV on too loud and for her to yell and scream, but I don't think it is right to disallow the TV altogether, especially if there is a family dynamic that she doesn't get to spend TG with her family.   Not saying it is that way, but this situation popped into my head. 

[MrTango]

Before your SIL gets there, tune the TV to the Yule Log channel, mute it, and then take the batteries out of the remote.

[Luci]

Update, please!

The day is over here, the dishes are done, leftovers stashed, the extra chairs in storage, changed my profile picture on Facebook to Christmas, and ready to relax with an update.

Thanks.

[sparksals]

Before your SIL gets there, tune the TV to the Yule Log channel, mute it, and then take the batteries out of the remote.

I love the Yule Log Channel.

[SamiHami]

People are more important than television, period. If you are getting together for a family holiday, then IMO the TV stays off, period. If the meal were at my house, that would be the rule.

If the host is okay with the TV being on, then there need to be set rules that everyone-including SIL- must follow. My rules would be: No tv during the meal (and no cramming the food down superfast to get to the tv. It stays off until everyone is done). The sound stays low enough that other conversations can take place. No shouting or bad language,period.

One other rule that I would made, that I haven't seen addressed here, is that if someone else wants to watch something else-another game or show-then they take turns. No one gets to dominate the TV 100%.

[Sharnita]

People are more important than television, period. If you are getting together for a family holiday, then IMO the TV stays off, period. If the meal were at my house, that would be the rule.

If the host is okay with the TV being on, then there need to be set rules that everyone-including SIL- must follow. My rules would be: No tv during the meal (and no cramming the food down superfast to get to the tv. It stays off until everyone is done). The sound stays low enough that other conversations can take place. No shouting or bad language,period.

One other rule that I would made, that I haven't seen addressed here, is that if someone else wants to watch something else-another game or show-then they take turns. No one gets to dominate the TV 100%.

You've never shared a movie or tv show with other people or witnessed other people bonding over some form of entertainment?

The concept that it can only be one or the other seems a bit limited in perception to me.  And if people are important then aren't the people who live football important?  And the people who love to sing Christmas carols?  It seems like there should be a bit of room at family gatherings to allow individuals to be themselves because people are important.  Along the same lines, if Uncle Paul really likes a midmorning nap then if possible find a spot for him to take a nap without trying to cast aspersions on whether he values people more than napping.

[mj]

I'm curious to read an update on this too.

Watching football for some people/families on Thanksgiving is just as important as other aspects of the Thanksgiving holiday.  This is one of the bigger reasons why DH and I chose to stay home on Thanksgiving instead of going to his folks who do not watch the games.  I wish there was a compromise but their stance is so severe that we choose the polite option of staying home. 

But that's not the case here.  It's one guest upset by another guest.  The etiquette approved paths have been taken (speaking to the host) with no results.  It's a little much to me for a guest to assume more authority than that in anothers home, the only choices I see are; to ask SIL to turn down the tv a bit or choose another way to spend Thanksgiving.  Because this is what her host is offering her.

[mbbored]

People are more important than television, period. If you are getting together for a family holiday, then IMO the TV stays off, period. If the meal were at my house, that would be the rule.

If the host is okay with the TV being on, then there need to be set rules that everyone-including SIL- must follow. My rules would be: No tv during the meal (and no cramming the food down superfast to get to the tv. It stays off until everyone is done). The sound stays low enough that other conversations can take place. No shouting or bad language,period.

One other rule that I would made, that I haven't seen addressed here, is that if someone else wants to watch something else-another game or show-then they take turns. No one gets to dominate the TV 100%.

You've never shared a movie or tv show with other people or witnessed other people bonding over some form of entertainment?

The concept that it can only be one or the other seems a bit limited in perception to me.  And if people are important then aren't the people who live football important?  And the people who love to sing Christmas carols?  It seems like there should be a bit of room at family gatherings to allow individuals to be themselves because people are important.  Along the same lines, if Uncle Paul really likes a midmorning nap then if possible find a spot for him to take a nap without trying to cast aspersions on whether he values people more than napping.

Sharnita, I agree with you. I spent Thanksgiving with friends and we turned on a movie marathon. It was largely background and an occasional conversation starter but helped enhanced our day. Heck at one point the hostess and I started flipping through gossip magazines, joking about movie stars' outfits and dating lives. Everybody had a great time.

[Venus193]

WillyNilly's first post in this thread reminded me of a story from a former boss.  She has a cabinet in her living room with a TV set... and four other sets in the house (Can you tell we're in advertising?).  If someone is watching the TV in the living room alone and leaves even for a minute her father shuts it off and closes the cabinet.

While awaiting the update I suggest to the OP that she host next year (if she has the space) and lay down the law in advance to give SIL the chance to decline the invitation if she chooses.

I personally despise football, but I hate the obnoxious behavior even more.  I was lucky to double-dip Thanksgiving this year (two invitations) to two households that feel the same way.

[mj]

But it wouldn't just be the SIL declining, her husband, the OPs brother would go with her.  I just find this to be such an unnecessarily harsh stance, there are many ways to accomodate all parties so that everyone gets to be together and enjoy their own Thanksgiving traditions. 

[Sharnita]

I don't know if it is too harsh or not but I agree that if there is a decision to ban football at future Thanksgivings that decision comes with the calculated risk that SIL and her DH, any kids will choose to celebrate elsewhere.

[rigs32]

People are more important than television, period. If you are getting together for a family holiday, then IMO the TV stays off, period. If the meal were at my house, that would be the rule.

My father and I bond over football.  We watch the games, talk about the play calls, the ref calls, the brillance of a catch.  But according to you, our Thanksgiving bonding is somehow invalidated because part of our attention was focused toward a TV.  That's not fair.  You can make the rules you want about your house, but understand that others operate differently.

I hosted a combo of family and orphan friends this year.  We had football on early when just my dad was here.  The TV stayed on but the volume went down when my brothers arrived.  During dinner, the game stayed on but TV was on mute.  I don't recall anyone paying more attention to the TV than to the conversation.  Then when the Redskins won, we switched to Shaun of the Dead while we played Cranium and ate pie.  Afs we wrapped up, we all watched some funny youtube videos on the TV while talking about them.  We had a very social event.

I agree that if the rules are going to change, you must inform SIL or else that is very unfair to her.  Would you like to go to a Fourth of July event at her home and be told that no one was allowed to go outside to watch the fireworks?  No, you'd like to be told upfront if something important to you about the day was either included or at least told to you ahead of time.

[Mikayla]

Reading through this, I think football is just a lightning rod for a bigger issue.  There's all sorts of potential rudeness in hogging a TV or making others uncomfortable with the loudness of it.  But this could just as easily be Macy's Parade or MTV.

For a lot of families, football is a big part of the celebration.  For others, it might be card games or a Christmas movie marathon. 

The only time any of it is rude is when accommodations aren't made for those who choose not to participate. 

[MissRose]

For a guest to dictate what is watched on tv is rude on a major holiday IMO.   At least at my parents' home, yes the football will be on at thanksgiving as we live in Michigan, and it is tradition to watch the Detroit Lions that day play regardless of their record.  But, before people retire to the living room which is near the table area, we say grace, people actually sit and eat at the table and talk to one another.  A few people who are in viewing distance can give a quick score update as most everyone present at the table is interested.  After everyone has at least one plate full of food, then people make their way to the living room to watch the game.  Usually me and my sister start the clean up process, and my parents sometimes get involved, and the more that pitch in, the fast things get done then all can go watch the game.

[doodlemor]

How did Thanksgiving work out, OP?  I suspect that this year may have been too late to change. 

Is there any hope for the next time?