General Etiquette > Family and Children

We're really not expecting you to give us a deal, we promise

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Or your boyfriend can say to his dad, "We thought about getting our tree at your guys' lot again, but we don't really want you to get us one for free. Last  year was fine, but I'd feel awkward two years in a row. We'd feel like we came there for the free tree."

I think otherwise, tip etc., you did fine.

Remember that your dad isn't necessarily "out" of all that much by tapping into the owner's goodwill to get you a free tree. So he hasn't really "given" you a whole lot. In a way, it was th eowner.


--- Quote from: rose red on November 21, 2012, 12:14:28 PM ---When you show up on the lot, can you cheerfully say "Our budget is $$$.  What can we get for that?/Can you show us where the trees in that price range are?" or something like that?

--- End quote ---

I really like this - it shows up front that you're expecting to pay for the tree. Or you could even be more explicit; say something like, "We're planning to spend $$ dollars." Then see what happens; I also POD guihong. Even if it's not necessary to offer dinner or something like that, it would be a really nice gesture of goodwill between you and your BF's family. Plus probably also a fun dinner!

I always have this dilemma when buying things/services from people i know. On the one hand, since i have to buy this thing anyway, i'd much rather give the business to someone i know. On the other hand, they sometimes offer me a discount which makes me feel like i'm taking advantage.

In your case, I would be honest - i like Toot's wording.

(Having never bought a christmas tree - how expensive are they? what kind of profit is made? essentially, it was the owner who gave you the free tree).

Your BF's father is an adult. If he feels that you're expecting a deal and doesn't like that, he can speak up. If he offers you a deal, assume that he's doing it because he wants to, not because he thinks you expect it. Don't project your own insecurities onto him.

I would have your BF call his dad and say something like, 'Hey Dad, we were thinking of coming by the lot on Thursday to get a tree, are you guys working that day? *pause for response* Oh, and we really appreciated the free tree last year, but we would like to pay for this one. It's such a treat to be able to see you and my brother while we are picking out our tree, we don't need a freebie as well. We've budgeted for it,  so it really isn't a problem for us.'

I like some of the other suggestions too. It's just a question of picking the suggestion that you think will hit the right note given your BF's dad's personality.


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