No, I don't want to sing - getting out of holiday traditions

[gramma dishes]

Good point!

[AylaM]

Oh there are certainly people who enjoy it. 

Altogether there are probably 17 of us.  But we only really get 15 showing up.  I would guess that about:
6 of us really enjoy performing (aunt and uncle work with music professionally, and some of the kids (all ages 3-21) love performing
3 of us like watching kids perform (parents and grandparents)
6 of us wouldn't miss the performances if they magically disappeared (parents and cousins).  I think these six of us would prefer an announcement of "were going to be performing over here if you'd like to watch".  I'd even watch some of it to be polite.

I think, but don't know, that it is mostly the performers that enjoy the sing along.

And this is usually a multi-hour event.  Usually starts in the mid-afternoon and goes on until about 8 or 9 pm.  So usually about 4-5 hours.

I like the advice of declining politely but making sure to smile.  My neutral face tends to look grumpy, so even though I consider myself to be rather upbeat a great deal of the time, I think making an effort to look extra chipper and acting like her order is an honest invitation might help.

[Iris]

4-5 HOURS?!!!??? 

I love my kids and my nieces and I've been to loads of their ballet concerts and really enjoyed them but ALL DAY?? That is ridiculous. Seriously, do the pole dancing.

Okay, not seriously. But I would change my answer to "Oh, not for me thank you , Aunty. I want to catch up with Cousin B (pick another non-performer). I find with all the entertainment these days I just don't get much time to visit with loved ones, and really, that's what Christmas is all about, isn't it?"

[AylaM]

4-5 HOURS?!!!??? 

I love my kids and my nieces and I've been to loads of their ballet concerts and really enjoyed them but ALL DAY?? That is ridiculous. Seriously, do the pole dancing.

Okay, not seriously. But I would change my answer to "Oh, not for me thank you , Aunty. I want to catch up with Cousin B (pick another non-performer). I find with all the entertainment these days I just don't get much time to visit with loved ones, and really, that's what Christmas is all about, isn't it?"

Sorry, no.

The recital is only an hour out of this.  The whole gathering is 4-5 hours.

I'd not go if it was that long.  I don't care who said what or how close we were.  I can't even sit through a professional recital for much longer than an hour.  I have no appreciation for music  .  I prefer my music to be in the background, not the foreground.  I don't know what to do when the music is front-and-center.

[Iris]

4-5 HOURS?!!!??? 

I love my kids and my nieces and I've been to loads of their ballet concerts and really enjoyed them but ALL DAY?? That is ridiculous. Seriously, do the pole dancing.

Okay, not seriously. But I would change my answer to "Oh, not for me thank you , Aunty. I want to catch up with Cousin B (pick another non-performer). I find with all the entertainment these days I just don't get much time to visit with loved ones, and really, that's what Christmas is all about, isn't it?"

Sorry, no.

The recital is only an hour out of this.  The whole gathering is 4-5 hours.

I'd not go if it was that long.  I don't care who said what or how close we were.  I can't even sit through a professional recital for much longer than an hour.  I have no appreciation for music  .  I prefer my music to be in the background, not the foreground.  I don't know what to do when the music is front-and-center.

Oh. Phew! (Although I feel a little silly). In that case I still go with the earlier advice of talking to your parents beforehand and refusing with a smile

[Auntie Mame]

The mere thought of sitting through hours of children "performing"  *shudder* would send me screaming for the hills.

[Venus193]

That the uncle and aunt are musicians (or whatever) doesn't in any way excuse or justify the demand.  This might be a stretch, but some people are incapable of seeing that their ability may be unique within a family.

Or the opposite, that someone in an otherwise musical family may have no ability or no taste for the activity.

I am not tone-deaf but I can't sing.  It was the great pain of my academic years as a theatre major.  To open me up for ridicule over it would be massively hurtful.  I'd be voting with my feet to leave the gathering over this.

[JennJenn68]

I'm a professional musician, and I wouldn't think of forcing a lot of obviously uninterested family members into carol-singing and breathless adoration of child performers, no matter how talented.  All too often, it's unutterably boring for everyone else.  (Listening to a tyro violinist screeching out a halting version of "Silent Night"... yeah, no fun for anyone except possibly the stars-in-their-eyes parents.) 

The word "no" is a complete sentence.  It can be said in so many ways.  Even cheerfully--and it takes the wind out of their sails if that's all that's said, without JADE.  As long as one never expands on it further or loses one's cool, there really is no way to refute it.

[Luci45]

It's equivalent to trying to make someone play touch football or forcing them to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade. I wonder how the aunt would feel about that.

[Giggity]

The mere thought of sitting through hours of children "performing"  *shudder* would send me screaming for the hills.

Me too.

Do you do any hand crafts? Knit, crochet, needlepoint, cross-stitch? If so, you might try busting out with a little project. That way, the music becomes background. (Where I, also, firmly believe it belongs. If I want to go to a concert, I'll buy a ticket.) Make it something easy.

I'm not above attaching a little guilt to my action: "What, this? It's a chemo cap. I make a bunch more than I need for Christmas, I use up my spare yarn, the hats get donated, and my hands stay busy so I don't bite my nails."