General Etiquette > Family and Children

Stop putting me in the middle!

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--- Quote from: TootsNYC on November 29, 2012, 03:42:31 PM ---
--- Quote from: Cutenoob on November 27, 2012, 06:00:49 PM ---
--- Quote from: Winterlight on November 27, 2012, 10:22:19 AM ---
--- Quote from: gramma dishes on November 24, 2012, 06:25:45 PM ---
--- Quote from: BarensMom on November 24, 2012, 06:19:57 PM ---...   Due to the above story and some borderline abuse by his father, he feels he doesn't owe his parents a thing.

--- End quote ---

I'm inclined to agree with him.

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Thirded. Poor kid. I'm very impressed with him- despite everything he's made a success of his life.

Definitely time to tell her once that you won't carry messages and then hang up. Keep hanging up every time she tries this. It may take a while.

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My dad was doing this to me about my mother and my sister (I've cut them off). Dad kept haraunging me about calling/they want to talk to you. I used the broken record technique "I'll contact them when I'm ready. No, it's between them and I. Sorry, that subject is closed."
Something like this "Sis, you really need to speak to him personally. Don't call me to call him, I am not a relay machine. I know you care, but that's between you two."
Let DN know, "Hey. She's been calling me, and I told her to call /contact you directly. Just a heads up. If you DO need to talk to her, use email or such" (aka hint don't use me)
That would be my wording for it.

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But that *is* carrying the message.

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Toots- good point; but it would be the one and only "incoming bombing from her, don't use me anymore"

"I really don't know why you are trying to pass messages through me.  Contact Nephew directly. If he won't take your calls, then, well, ask yourself why is that."

After the backstory, I am wondering why you even want to have any communication with sis. I would recommend the ”I can't hear you” technique. I used to use this when my mother wanted to repeat old criticisms I had no intention of discussing, but she had lots of good points so I was ready to cut her off. When she got going on the phone, I would not say anything in response and just hold the phone away from me until there was silence. Then I would pick up the phone and talk brightly about something, anything else. ”I cooked the best chicken for dinner”, or ” The dog did the cutest thing today.”
You will not be able to convince your sister, do I recommend absolute silence any time she mentions soon, then change subject. Do not even act like you heard any direct questions. This technique really works.


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