A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. > Time For a Coffee Break!

Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27

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weeblewobble:

--- Quote from: weeblewobble on November 24, 2012, 11:11:23 AM ---- My relative, Susan, has struggled with her mom's PA behavior for years.  Susan's father recently lost his job due to hostile behavior in the office.  A few years ago, when Susan and her husband, George, were going through typical "early married" financial problems, her mother told Susan that asking family members for loans JUST WASN'T DONE in their family.  Susan was hurt that her mother would say something like that before Susan even asked for help and the tone was "We don't want to help you, so don't ask."  Father has been out of work for two weeks. Now, Mother is sending Susan texts like, "We'd usually go out for dinner on Friday nights, now we're having cold sandwiches.  Sure would be nice if someone sent us a restaurant gift card!"  or "I'm not even bothering with Black Friday this year.  Sure would be nice if Santa sent us Christmas money!" Susan responded with, "That would be nice." to both. (Please note that these people aren't hungry or suffering.  Susan's parents live a very "brand conscious" lifestyle and there are plenty of things they can do to scale back.  Not to mention items they can sell for extra cash.)

At Thanksgiving, which Susan hosted, Mother informed Susan, "It would be nice if you gave us some spending cash.  Otherwise, we're not going to be able to afford Christmas gifts this year.  And if that happens, I don't think we'll even bother coming over for Christmas."  Susan said, "Well, we would miss you."  Mother sulked and said maybe they would come over after all.


--- End quote ---

An update to the situation above:

Susan told me that her husband, George, made an error at the store (mis-read a price tag) that cost him about $40 he wasn't planning to spend.  Not a catastrophe, but an unexpected expense.  George told the story at a family gathering where Susan's parents were present, as a "can you believe this bone-headed, funny thing I did?" anecdote.  Susan's mother immediately launched into a diatribe about how LUCKY Susan and George were to be SOOOO rich that they could make mistakes like that. That a $40 error would have broken Susan's parents' budget and she couldn't believe how WASTEFUL George is.

Susan was so shocked, that like most of the other people in the room, she just stared at her mother in horror.  George told her, "Wow, I think you totally misinterpreted that story."  And then moved on to another topic.

Susan's mother later approached Susan to tell her how nice it would be to give her parents money to help with their bills.  Susan told her no and bean-dipped.

Shalamar:
My mother once called me a stupid idiot for racking up the gargantuan sum of $6 in library fines.   (In my defense, my husband and I were living in a motel with our toddlers at the time, waiting for our new house to be finished, plus I was working two jobs.   So, yeah, I forgot about the library books.)

Saying "It's only six bucks, Mum" was a mistake, as I quickly found out.

PeterM:

--- Quote from: Shalamar on February 19, 2013, 12:06:10 AM ---My mother once called me a stupid idiot for racking up the gargantuan sum of $6 in library fines.   (In my defense, my husband and I were living in a motel with our toddlers at the time, waiting for our new house to be finished, plus I was working two jobs.   So, yeah, I forgot about the library books.)

Saying "It's only six bucks, Mum" was a mistake, as I quickly found out.

--- End quote ---

I saw a mother/son exchange like that at my library a year or two ago. The son was maybe in his late 20s, and as he checked out I told him he had a few dollars in fines. I forget how many, but very far below the limit where we cut you off. He said he'd pay them another time, which is absolutely okay as far as we're concerned.

His mother did not agree. She lit into him like I'd announced he was harboring bin Laden. I don't remember her exact words, which is a shame because it was a fairly elaborate litany of insults. I do remember that she called both her son himself and his daring to have unpaid fines "disgusting" more than once. Through it all he just stood there like this was far from the first time.

Then it was her turn to check out. She also had fines, more than he did but still well below our limit. I was quite happy to tell her so, though I think I kept my tone neutral. In any case, her response was a nonchalant, "Oh, I'll get them next time."

Working in a library can be like flipping channels when nothing but soap operas are on - you see many little snippets of odd family dramas. We even have a lot of people who come in every day or close to it, so you even get the ongoing storylines. This woman was one of the oddest I can recall, in her way. Something like Alzheimer's that changed her personality seems like the simplest explanation, but it felt like that wasn't all there was to it. I never saw either of them again, so I'll never know.

PastryGoddess:

--- Quote from: PeterM on February 19, 2013, 12:34:39 AM ---
--- Quote from: Shalamar on February 19, 2013, 12:06:10 AM ---My mother once called me a stupid idiot for racking up the gargantuan sum of $6 in library fines.   (In my defense, my husband and I were living in a motel with our toddlers at the time, waiting for our new house to be finished, plus I was working two jobs.   So, yeah, I forgot about the library books.)

Saying "It's only six bucks, Mum" was a mistake, as I quickly found out.

--- End quote ---

I saw a mother/son exchange like that at my library a year or two ago. The son was maybe in his late 20s, and as he checked out I told him he had a few dollars in fines. I forget how many, but very far below the limit where we cut you off. He said he'd pay them another time, which is absolutely okay as far as we're concerned.

His mother did not agree. She lit into him like I'd announced he was harboring bin Laden. I don't remember her exact words, which is a shame because it was a fairly elaborate litany of insults. I do remember that she called both her son himself and his daring to have unpaid fines "disgusting" more than once. Through it all he just stood there like this was far from the first time.

Then it was her turn to check out. She also had fines, more than he did but still well below our limit. I was quite happy to tell her so, though I think I kept my tone neutral. In any case, her response was a nonchalant, "Oh, I'll get them next time."

Working in a library can be like flipping channels when nothing but soap operas are on - you see many little snippets of odd family dramas. We even have a lot of people who come in every day or close to it, so you even get the ongoing storylines. This woman was one of the oddest I can recall, in her way. Something like Alzheimer's that changed her personality seems like the simplest explanation, but it felt like that wasn't all there was to it. I never saw either of them again, so I'll never know.

--- End quote ---


 :o ??? :o ::) :o :-\ :o >:(

Nora:
My mom has a slightly different variation on "you're so bad with money". She knows I'm generally pretty good with money, and she loves to tell me how much better at managing finances I am than her (my phone never gets cut off because I forgot to pay the bill) ad nauseum. She also has a history of offering money/loans to us without being asked. Then at the first sign of trouble she lets rip about how childish and irresponsible I am with money, how I can't expect to lean on her/others, how pathetic etc etc...

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