News: IMPORTANT UPDATE REGARDING SITE IN FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT FOLDER.

  • May 23, 2018, 12:48:27 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27  (Read 303515 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Cherry91

  • Member
  • Posts: 611
Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #630 on: January 29, 2014, 10:56:53 AM »
Is it PA for someone to keep complaining about going to a certain restaurant once a month for a group event because "they don't like the food" but never come up with an alternate location with (#1) the capacity to host the group of twenty to twenty-five who show up most months and (#2) food that everyone else likes and (the biggest - #3) has a reasonable cost for the group members on a fixed income (retired)?  Well, #4 would be a central location that is easy to find, preferably just off a major traffic artery (lots of those in the Houston area, at least) on the southwest side of town.

Just complaining does nothing except annoy the rest of us.  And being annoying isn't always the same as being PA.

Not sure if it could be called PA, but I can understand the frustration. I suppose it could be considered PA to expect the plans to be changed because one persona complained, but also to expect to do none of the work in finding a new place.
All will be well, and all manner of things will be well.

VorFemme

  • Member
  • Posts: 14036
  • It's too darned hot! (song from Kiss Me, Kate)
Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #631 on: January 29, 2014, 12:23:31 PM »
We have changed locations twice - ownership changed and so did a LOT of the good things about location #1, location #2 worked for a year or so - until they got bought by another company, and location #1 had reopened under new ownership (so company #3 just in same building).  We're still meeting at location #3...which tries very hard to keep the rest of the group happy...but apparently this lady still wants "something else" because she gripes while eating her selections from the buffet. 

It's not gourmet (for $5 USA for senior pricing, she's getting salad, spaghetti, tacos, pizza, macaroni & cheese, and a short selection of desserts - brownies, pudding, and marshmallow & rice bars.  Sometimes there is peach cobbler...

She seems to want more selection, better quality, and the same price (if not cheaper).  Well, unless she's fixing lunch for 25 at her own house, she's not likely to beat $125 for all we can eat...and drink....and someone else to clean up before we get there & after we leave.  It doesn't stop her from grumbling....

How do I put this, she has one of those faces and voices that always look & sound just a little bit dissatisfied - it's probably her natural expression & tone of voice.  But it makes her hard to be around.  I've seen her happy and sound glad - but she'd just won a Bingo & was able to pick her own prize & there was something that she liked/collected on the prize table.  It seemed to take a LOT of effort to animate her facial muscles to change her expression away from the default. 

Or maybe I'm just so used to seeing her look like a female "Grumpy" (from Disney's Snow White and the Dwarves)....
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

MrTango

  • Member
  • Posts: 2905
Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #632 on: January 29, 2014, 12:31:27 PM »
Is it PA for someone to keep complaining about going to a certain restaurant once a month for a group event because "they don't like the food" but never come up with an alternate location with (#1) the capacity to host the group of twenty to twenty-five who show up most months and (#2) food that everyone else likes and (the biggest - #3) has a reasonable cost for the group members on a fixed income (retired)?  Well, #4 would be a central location that is easy to find, preferably just off a major traffic artery (lots of those in the Houston area, at least) on the southwest side of town.

Just complaining does nothing except annoy the rest of us.  And being annoying isn't always the same as being PA.

Yeah, I don't like complaints that aren't backed up with possible solutions/suggestions.

Agreed.  In fact, if someone complains to me about a particular restaurant but they don't offer up a suggestion on their own, I usually respond by asking them for an alternative.

Margo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2186
Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #633 on: January 29, 2014, 01:50:59 PM »
Is it PA for someone to keep complaining about going to a certain restaurant once a month for a group event because "they don't like the food" but never come up with an alternate location with (#1) the capacity to host the group of twenty to twenty-five who show up most months and (#2) food that everyone else likes and (the biggest - #3) has a reasonable cost for the group members on a fixed income (retired)?  Well, #4 would be a central location that is easy to find, preferably just off a major traffic artery (lots of those in the Houston area, at least) on the southwest side of town.

Just complaining does nothing except annoy the rest of us.  And being annoying isn't always the same as being PA.

Yeah, I don't like complaints that aren't backed up with possible solutions/suggestions.

Agreed.  In fact, if someone complains to me about a particular restaurant but they don't offer up a suggestion on their own, I usually respond by asking them for an alternative.

Yup. I haven't had this in relation to restaurant choice but I have had other situations where someone is always very negative and complaining, and I have turned it back on them by asking them for their proposals or suggestions. I have yet to get any constructive criticism back from the specific individual  but it does seem to get him to back off and stop whinging for a while.

weeblewobble

  • Member
  • Posts: 2648
Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #634 on: January 31, 2014, 08:08:26 PM »
I've only read about halfway through this thread so far but a lot of these stories are sounding similar to several of mine. 

One of the worst examples of PA behavior I have seen came from my mother in December 2012.  It was going to be the first Christmas that I wasn't going to travel the three hours home to my parents' house because I was pregnant, full-term, due two days before Christmas.  My mother had come down to visit me in November, and since she was planning to come when the baby was born, I did not expect her to make another visit. 

Then, the first week of December she told me that she wanted to come down and visit again one more time before the baby was born, and the following ridiculousness ensued:

  • She told me on a Sunday that she wanted to visit the following weekend.  I told her I was already committed to a family holiday gathering on Sunday night (which DH's aunt had been planning for a month and was very excited about) and if she was there at that time then she was more than welcome to attend with us (DH's family is always cool with this) but I wasn't going to be able to cancel those plans.
  • She called me the next day to say that she wouldn't be coming because I didn't sound excited enough when she first brought it up.  So I told her that was fine.
  • She called me the day after that to say that fine, she was going to come visit after all, but she would come Friday night and leave Saturday so there was no interference with my original plans. I told her okay.
  • DH confirmed with her on Wednesday that she would be coming on Friday and she confirmed.  She then called me on Thursday and said that she had decided to come on Sunday instead.  I reiterated that I already had plans on Sunday night.  I also repeated the fact that she could come with us.  She said she would have to think about it and maybe she wouldn't come after all.  I told her that was fine.
  • She called back later and said that fine, she would come on Friday, but it was really inconvenient and it would really be more convenient for her to come on Sunday.  Fairly sure she was waiting for me to tell her to come on Sunday.  I told her that was great and I would see her on Friday.
  • She came on Friday and spent much of her time asking questions about the holiday gathering I was going to on Sunday.  When she learned that it was just a casual celebration instead of a traditional observation of the holiday, she made multiple comments about not understanding why it was so important that I attend, and how inconvenient it was for her to have changed her schedule. 

I think that we have actually probably had a lot of similar interactions, only in the past I would have felt guilty and given into her.  However, the fact that I was super pregnant made me give myself permission to be "selfish" (in reality just keeping my spine, but I had been conditioned, mainly by her, to be more of a doormat).  Since the world didn't end that time, I've gotten a lot better at standing up to her and not allowing her P/A statements to make me feel guilty and give in to something I don't want.

I hit the "wall" with the chief PA relative in my life over similar behavior regarding my daughter's birthday party.  She had a health crisis (the latest of many) three days before my daughter's second birthday.  She called me to tell me she wouldn't be able to make it to the party because she was being checked into the hospital.  I said OK.  She called again the next morning to tell me she'd checked out of the hospital (the crisis wasn't really a crisis) and would be able to come to the party after all.  I said OK.  She called again that afternoon to say she was worried about spreading germs to the kids, so maybe she wouldn't come the party.  I said OK.  She called again that night to say she would just wear a surgical mask to the party. I said OK. She called the morning before the party and said she was not worried about picking up germs FROM the kids and maybe she shouldn't come to the party after all.  I said OK.

The thing was, I refused to give her what she wanted, which was to beg her to "play through the pain" and try to come to the party.  Part of it was that I didn't particularly want her to be there.  Part of it was that after years of her illnesses taking over our family events, I didn't want to play that game with her any more.  Once again, she'd managed to make an event that wasn't about her to be ALL ABOUT HER and whether she would attend the party.  And this party was about my daughter. 

I finally just stopped taking her calls.

She didn't come to the party.

 ::)

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Member
  • Posts: 10229
Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #635 on: January 31, 2014, 10:19:20 PM »
And that was... OK! *g*

*runs away*
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls