When I put the deposit down on the hall for my wedding, I let all my significant family members know the date (it was a good 14-15 months away from the wedding, so way too early for save-the-date cards). Mom called me later and said, "When were you *thinking* of getting married again?"
I knew that she knew the date. I also knew right away that she was setting me up to change to suit hers and my Dad's needs over mine and my then future husband's. So, brightly and cheerfully I said, "We *are* getting married on October 16th. Non-refundable deposits have been paid."
"Well, that date doesn't work for us. Your father will have to take vacation time."
Now, in my family, Dad came first, then Mom, then Brother, then me. The family script said that I was now supposed to realize how inconvenient my date was and change our plans. "I guess Dad will have to take vacation then."
I posted about this as it happened ages ago. She later told me that Dad might not get the leave (he never had a hard time getting the exact vacation time that he wanted). With that I was supposed buckle under the threat of my Dad not being at my wedding. I said, "I'm going to play the only daughter card here." Also I said some other things that were literally not e-hell approved (I got chastised in the thread).
Mom also said, "You know that we had other things we wanted to do with that vacation time."
I treated it like it was a real conversation-- I was never *asked* to change the dates, just informed of how much they were going to suffer by my choices. I was supposed to be shamed and realize where I was in the pecking order. I just kept on saying, "Well, that's a choice you will have to make. I hope to see you there."
They came to the wedding. They left early from the reception, but they came.
It felt really really good in the end to put my new family (myself, husband, and furbabies) ahead of the family of origin. It stunk at the time, though.