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Author Topic: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27  (Read 303646 times)

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RebeccainGA

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #105 on: November 29, 2012, 01:17:50 PM »
I come from a long line of PA people - my grandmother would win prizes. So would my dad. My sister would be disqualified, as she's a professional. You get the picture.

I have gotten, thanks to my DP, to the point where I just smile and nod. I don't acknowledge anything other than the fact that there are sounds coming out of their mouths. It works.

goldilocks

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #106 on: November 29, 2012, 02:33:24 PM »
PA - ness nearly got DH killed the other night!

I was keeping the baby (18 mos).  I was late getting home with her, and she was sick.  Not really ill, just not feeling well.  So, I'm trying desparately to get her to eat so I can bathe her and get her into bed.  And it's already getting late.

So, I tried to feed her several things and she wouldn't eat.  I finally opened a can of peaches and got her to eat a few of those.  I had left the can on the counter.  DH comes home from a relaxing evening of NOT keeping a sick 18 MO, and says, oh, are you saving this can for some reason?

My reply is not e-hell approved.

dawbs

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #107 on: November 29, 2012, 02:48:00 PM »
Ooh, I have an actual story! (I may have posted this elsewhere sometime or another.)

One summer (I think I was visiting for the weekend) we decided to have dinner on the deck. So we all helped set the table and cook; however, some of the silverware must have gotten left inside. We're all sitting down to eat and Mom looks down at her setting and says in the most forlorn voice, "I don't have a fork."

I smiled and said, "Your legs aren't broken, you can go in the house and get one." (My tone made it clear I was both teasing and calling her on her PA-ness.) Then as the rest of the family was cracking up, I said with another smile, "All you had to do was ask and I would have gotten you a fork!"

I think they learn young...my 2 year old did this the other day.
"oh no oh no oh no oh no.  I so sad.  Katie chocolate milk all gone!"
And *tada!* grandpa rushed to fill it back up again  ;D

(and she considers it an honor for him to do that.  She said 'you're welcome grandpa' when he brought it to her. [mostly she forgets whether it's Thank you or you're welcome she's supposed to say--she knows there's *something* she should say though  ;))

QueenofAllThings

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #108 on: November 29, 2012, 02:50:29 PM »
A PA Blind Date story -
So I'm out for the first time (and last) with a guy. He keeps saying things like -

Well, that will all change in April!
Of course, after April everything will be different.
Oh yes I do that all the time. At least until April.

On and on and on, and I was d$&@ed if I was going to ask him what was happening in April. Why couldn't he just tell me? I figured marriage or the priesthood.

MrTango

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #109 on: November 29, 2012, 02:51:33 PM »
PA - ness nearly got DH killed the other night!

I was keeping the baby (18 mos).  I was late getting home with her, and she was sick.  Not really ill, just not feeling well.  So, I'm trying desparately to get her to eat so I can bathe her and get her into bed.  And it's already getting late.

So, I tried to feed her several things and she wouldn't eat.  I finally opened a can of peaches and got her to eat a few of those.  I had left the can on the counter.  DH comes home from a relaxing evening of NOT keeping a sick 18 MO, and says, oh, are you saving this can for some reason?

My reply is not e-hell approved.

No offense intended, but what about your husband's question was PA?  Was there something in his tone of voice?

If I saw an empty can on the counter, I'd probably ask the exact same thing.  If she was saving it, I'd leave it alone.  If she wasn't saving it, I'd toss it in the recycle bin for her.

Yvaine

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #110 on: November 29, 2012, 02:52:02 PM »
A PA Blind Date story -
So I'm out for the first time (and last) with a guy. He keeps saying things like -

Well, that will all change in April!
Of course, after April everything will be different.
Oh yes I do that all the time. At least until April.

On and on and on, and I was d$&@ed if I was going to ask him what was happening in April. Why couldn't he just tell me? I figured marriage or the priesthood.

I bet he had a get-rich-quick scheme and he was going to tell you all about how he'd be rich by April if you'd taken the bait.  ;D

lilfox

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #111 on: November 29, 2012, 03:02:24 PM »
PA - ness nearly got DH killed the other night!

I was keeping the baby (18 mos).  I was late getting home with her, and she was sick.  Not really ill, just not feeling well.  So, I'm trying desparately to get her to eat so I can bathe her and get her into bed.  And it's already getting late.

So, I tried to feed her several things and she wouldn't eat.  I finally opened a can of peaches and got her to eat a few of those.  I had left the can on the counter.  DH comes home from a relaxing evening of NOT keeping a sick 18 MO, and says, oh, are you saving this can for some reason?

My reply is not e-hell approved.

No offense intended, but what about your husband's question was PA?  Was there something in his tone of voice?

If I saw an empty can on the counter, I'd probably ask the exact same thing.  If she was saving it, I'd leave it alone.  If she wasn't saving it, I'd toss it in the recycle bin for her.

Having been on the receiving end of comments like that myself, I'm going to guess it was the tone, or the implied notion of "Why didn't you clean this up immediately?"

I have taken to responding to similar comments with "Yes, and I'll deal with it when I have time" or "No, could you please put it away?"  In short, answering the literal question, not the implied comment.

girlysprite

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #112 on: November 29, 2012, 03:21:59 PM »
A story from when DH was still Fiancee. He'd ask me something like 'hey, do you want some chocolate?' well, yes, I wanted some chocolate. His response 'can you also buy some licorice for me while you're buying chocolate?'
It was a sort of joke, but also sorta serious, because he really wanted some licorice. The first time I bought chocolate and 'forgot' the licorice. He looked sad and I shrugged. 'well, when you'll pick up the licorice I forgot, can you also buy the marshmellows that I feel peckish for now?'

The second time he tried this, I told him that I'd only do him favors like that if he asked for them directly. Worked like a charm.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #113 on: November 29, 2012, 03:43:24 PM »
I used to work with a woman who had some health issues, and among other things, she applied for reasonable accommodations and was given a special chair to accommodate her arthritis. (Most clerks worked at that time standing for the entire day).

Another clerk's nose was bent out of joint.  Nancy found some broken down steno chair, and would sit in it, her eyes only at about counter level, typing with the screen about 6 inches above her head.  It was extremely uncomfortable, but she would squint at her computer screen, sighing and moaning loudly that she was in pain.

Everyone ignored her, as usual, until she found some other way of acting the martyr.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy

weeblewobble

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #114 on: November 29, 2012, 03:59:28 PM »
Ooh, I have an actual story! (I may have posted this elsewhere sometime or another.)

One summer (I think I was visiting for the weekend) we decided to have dinner on the deck. So we all helped set the table and cook; however, some of the silverware must have gotten left inside. We're all sitting down to eat and Mom looks down at her setting and says in the most forlorn voice, "I don't have a fork."

I smiled and said, "Your legs aren't broken, you can go in the house and get one." (My tone made it clear I was both teasing and calling her on her PA-ness.) Then as the rest of the family was cracking up, I said with another smile, "All you had to do was ask and I would have gotten you a fork!"

I like this.  My family acts so quiet and forlorn and victimized.  They feel like "true love" means you guess what people want and give it to them.  (Any guess why they have crash and burn marriages?)   


Argh, snowflake.  I had a roommate in college that thought of "true love" that way.  On Friday night, she was always holed up in our room "sad-sacking out" on her bed, in her sweats and a blanket, watching Sleepless in Seattle and crying because her long-distance (still in high school) boyfriend had upset her somehow.  He went out with his friends.  Didn't he know that she was here at college, alone, staying home to make sure that she wasn't out meeting other boys.  How dare he go out and have fun when she was so miserable!  Why couldn't he protect her feelings like she protected his? 

When I asked why she hadn't told him she felt this way, she said a good boyfriend should just KNOW.  I asked if she would feel better if she went to a party with me and meeting a few new people. She sniffed that she couldn't just go out and party* with strangers like some people.  She cared about her relationship.

(*Please note that I also had a long-distance boyfriend at another college.  We both went out with our friends regularly and trusted each other to have a good time without being unfaithful.  Roommate's emphasis seemed to imply that I was heading out to the local burlesque club for a bout of jello wrestling.  ETA: I am now married to that boyfriend,)

Roommate and I did not share a room the next semester.  I'd hoped that things might calm down after her boyfriend joined her at our college campus.  But through mutual friends, I heard that the Sleepless in Seattle jags were more frequent because the boyfriend couldn't guess what she wanted.  He would want to play video games with friends.  She would say that was fine and then retreat into her movie and jammies. If he didn't realize she was upset, she would call him crying, fussing at him for not realizing it.  Eventually, his friends convinced him to break up with her.

At the time, I didn't recognize it as passive aggressive.  I just thought she was a pain in my butt who kept eating my Pop Tarts.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2012, 04:02:07 PM by weeblewobble »

turtleIScream

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #115 on: November 29, 2012, 04:22:22 PM »
My mom loves to fish for compliments. When we were young teens,my sister and I figured out that's what she was doing when she'd say, "oh, my hair looks awful today, doesn't it?" We used to reassure her, as young kids who just want to make their mom feel better, but then we started agreeing with her. She started to learn after that.

One memorable day, however, mom slipped and made a self-deprecating comment. She caught herself and said, "I wasn't trying to fish for a compliment, honest!" My sister promptly responded, "Good, 'cause you weren't gonna get one!"
Life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not. - Uncle Iroh

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #116 on: November 29, 2012, 09:19:05 PM »
It's a testament to my attraction to DH that we continued dating after this one occurance. 

B/G we met in college when I was a freshman and himself a sophomore.  He lived off campus, I lived on and in a dorm right next to the dining hall and we both had meal cards.  One day early in our relationship he says he'll meet me for dinner and then we'd see a movie on campus afterwards.  (they were free and shown in one of the lecture halls)  Well I went downstairs and sat out front of my dorm where I had a good view of the front of the dining hall.  I was supposed to meet him at 5, but the way he talked, it sounded like he was going to meet me outside my dorm.  I waited and waited and he never showed.  Ticked off I gave up and went inside my dorm to vent to a friend and then went to see Godzilla (the one with Matthew Broderick) with her and her boyfriend.

The next day I went walking with DH and he kept dropping all these PA hints that I stood him up.  Turned out, he'd waited inside the dining hall for me and when I didn't show he just went to the woman who swiped our cards and ate alone.  Now there are windows in the front of the dining hall, through which my dorm was easily visible. How he didn't see me waiting I dunno.   

I guess the reason we kept on after that was because we realized we were both at fault for not confirming where we were meeting.  Communication, it surely does wonders.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Jules1980

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #117 on: November 29, 2012, 09:51:26 PM »
Ooh, I have an actual story! (I may have posted this elsewhere sometime or another.)

One summer (I think I was visiting for the weekend) we decided to have dinner on the deck. So we all helped set the table and cook; however, some of the silverware must have gotten left inside. We're all sitting down to eat and Mom looks down at her setting and says in the most forlorn voice, "I don't have a fork."

I smiled and said, "Your legs aren't broken, you can go in the house and get one." (My tone made it clear I was both teasing and calling her on her PA-ness.) Then as the rest of the family was cracking up, I said with another smile, "All you had to do was ask and I would have gotten you a fork!"

I think they learn young...my 2 year old did this the other day.
"oh no oh no oh no oh no.  I so sad.  Katie chocolate milk all gone!"
And *tada!* grandpa rushed to fill it back up again  ;D

(and she considers it an honor for him to do that.  She said 'you're welcome grandpa' when he brought it to her. [mostly she forgets whether it's Thank you or you're welcome she's supposed to say--she knows there's *something* she should say though  ;))

That's so cute.  My DD used to say thankyouwelcome.  One word.  She never knew which one to use so she just made it one word.

CrochetFanatic

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #118 on: November 29, 2012, 11:42:32 PM »
Who on earth goes through someone else's cupboards and eats their chocolate without permission?   I'd blow a gasket.

My uncle.  Only in his case, it's the fridge.

momtwosix

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #119 on: November 30, 2012, 05:43:35 AM »
My 3 year old would try the pa route with hisearly intervention  o.t. He would need help with something and rather than ask he would yell out help or open this. His o.t. and I would just ignore him until he asked for help. He knew how to ask for help nicely he just didn't want to.
mom to 6 and 3 in heaven