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Author Topic: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27  (Read 303833 times)

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jane7166

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #135 on: December 01, 2012, 03:50:44 PM »


Posting to agree with Lilfox. The tone probably implied anything from, "Why didn't you clean this up immediately?" to "You're so lazy." That's likely what almost got him killed. Also, Goldilocks might have the type of DH that doesn't do as much 'hands-on' with the kids (whether it just be when they're sick or all the childcare) and he could be clueless to how a sick baby might mean some things are in disarray.

My MIL used to talk all the time about how she HAD to work while sick (flu, migraine, strep). I believe her because I've actually seen it because when she said she had a migraine, my DH convinced me and his lazy stepdad to clean the house to MIL's standards so she could rest. She, as I expected, cleaned right along with us - completely ticking off my and her DH's (we were living with them for a couple months while we found a place to live). I wasn't mad because I figured she'd do that anyway.

So I came to understand how my DH was puzzled as to how I couldn't function with a migraine or flu and such. He'd seen his mom do it his whole life. My DH wouldn't have commented on an open peach can left on the counter (doesn't affect him) but he would wonder where lunch or dinner was while I or one of the kids was in the throes of a fever. In the 20+ years we've been married, he has advanced to at least buying frozen food for himself and the kids and picking up soup for me. And since our kids are older they cook and take care of me. It's not like I'm chronically ill, but when it happens at least I don't have to be stressed by someone else's clueless or PA behavior.

Sounds like MIL didn't have true migraines or the real flu.  My DH knows what a real migraine can look like because he's seen me have hundreds. 

Iris

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #136 on: December 01, 2012, 05:36:59 PM »
That reminds me a bit of my first husband.  One of his reasons for divorcing me after only four months of marriage was that I didn't keep everything spotless like his mother did.  Never mind that she was a full time housewife and I had a full time job OUTSIDE the home. 

Topic ... I have a coworker who's a very nice guy, but his PA tendencies drive me batty.  He has a habit of suddenly announcing something from his cubicle, obviously waiting for someone (usually me) to take up the conversational gauntlet, and gets ticked off if no one replies.   Um, we're trying to work, dude.

On the bolded: The words "Do you have a broken arm?" spring to mind...congratulations on losing THAT nightmare...

On the second: FIL does this. He will be reading a paper and just loudly pronounce "That's interesting" or start reading a section. The rest of us have slowly escalated how far we'll take it before someone (usually MIL) throws him the attention he is craving. Since he is behind his paper he can't see our evil grins.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

Allyson

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #137 on: December 01, 2012, 08:04:10 PM »

On the second: FIL does this. He will be reading a paper and just loudly pronounce "That's interesting" or start reading a section. The rest of us have slowly escalated how far we'll take it before someone (usually MIL) throws him the attention he is craving. Since he is behind his paper he can't see our evil grins.

This is one of my biggest irritations. I knew a guy who would constantly bring up a little-known fact, or a character from an obscure movie/book, specifically so you would ask him about it and he could then expound on his topic. I got into the habit of never ever asking.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #138 on: December 01, 2012, 08:39:06 PM »

On the second: FIL does this. He will be reading a paper and just loudly pronounce "That's interesting" or start reading a section. The rest of us have slowly escalated how far we'll take it before someone (usually MIL) throws him the attention he is craving. Since he is behind his paper he can't see our evil grins.

This is one of my biggest irritations. I knew a guy who would constantly bring up a little-known fact, or a character from an obscure movie/book, specifically so you would ask him about it and he could then expound on his topic. I got into the habit of never ever asking.


Have you tried "that's nice"  or does that just make it worse

Yvaine

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #139 on: December 01, 2012, 08:58:22 PM »

On the second: FIL does this. He will be reading a paper and just loudly pronounce "That's interesting" or start reading a section. The rest of us have slowly escalated how far we'll take it before someone (usually MIL) throws him the attention he is craving. Since he is behind his paper he can't see our evil grins.

This is one of my biggest irritations. I knew a guy who would constantly bring up a little-known fact, or a character from an obscure movie/book, specifically so you would ask him about it and he could then expound on his topic. I got into the habit of never ever asking.

My ex did this too! He'd say half a thought, just enough to intrigue but also confuse, and then stop--just to get people to ask for more! And if you didn't, he'd just keep saying cryptic things till someone bit.

And with the paper or with internet articles, he'd just launch into reading them at random times, even if I was busy, and if I (for example) said "hey, can you email me the link? I'm trying to write a story," he'd pout! It was the performance he craved.

Nikko-chan

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #140 on: December 01, 2012, 09:35:49 PM »
Nothing to post, except to say that i am loving these stories.

jane7166

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #141 on: December 01, 2012, 10:17:36 PM »
[quote author=Yvaine link=topic=123236.msg2840381#msg2840381 date

And with the paper or with internet articles, he'd just launch into reading them at random times, even if I was busy, and if I (for example) said "hey, can you email me the link? I'm trying to write a story," he'd pout! It was the performance he craved.
[/quote]

Just like my mother.  I would be reading the newspaper and she would be reading a different section and she would just start reading an article, word for word, whether I was interested or not.  And if I said anything like I want to read this section, thanks, she would get all huffy.

Iris

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #142 on: December 02, 2012, 01:38:23 AM »
[quote author=Yvaine link=topic=123236.msg2840381#msg2840381 date

And with the paper or with internet articles, he'd just launch into reading them at random times, even if I was busy, and if I (for example) said "hey, can you email me the link? I'm trying to write a story," he'd pout! It was the performance he craved.

Just like my mother.  I would be reading the newspaper and she would be reading a different section and she would just start reading an article, word for word, whether I was interested or not.  And if I said anything like I want to read this section, thanks, she would get all huffy.
[/quote]

So FIL is not the only one! DH does it occasionally too, but has a bit more of a sense of humour and awareness of it, so if I ostentatiously say "I'm sorry, was my book interrupting your random thought?" he'll just grin and drop it. I think MIL humours FIL because it's easier than dealing with the huffs  ::) He is a good man, really, but has that small child mentality that if he is finding something interesting then so will everyone else, and they'll find it interesting right NOW!
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

hermanne

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #143 on: December 02, 2012, 05:59:56 AM »
Nothing to post, except to say that i am loving these stories.

Me too!
Bad spellers of the world, UNTIE!




FauxFoodist

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #144 on: December 02, 2012, 08:36:36 AM »
So I would take the whole story of the movie day with a grain of salt. I'm not saying it didn't happen at all, but probably not quite so dramatically.

I could see this happening this dramatically because *my* mom tried to do a version of this to my sister and me (and Mom really isn't a mean person so I think this situation was, actually, unintentional).

Mom came up to YS and me and said, "Hey, let's go see a movie later; that would be fun!"  YS and I got excited because, well, our family never went to the movies at that point (not because we couldn't afford it, I think, but because we weren't small children anymore so piling us all into one vehicle to go to the drive-ins wasn't going to work anymore and my parents NEVER took us to a regular movie theater).  Anyway, YS never did the work for anything so I took it upon myself to peruse the movie listings and figure out which movie we wanted to see and when (and I did this all in front of Mom).  YS and I finally determined we wanted to see Back to the Future, and I told Mom.  As it got later and later, I said, "Hey, Mom, when are we going to the movies?" and Mom replies, "Oh, I don't feel like going now."    >:(

I.  WAS.  FURIOUS.  I thought that was the meanest thing ever.  I couldn't believe she'd jerk our chains around like that....and my 14-15 year old self let Mom have it.  Yup, Mom got a "severe" tongue-lashing for suggesting something fun for us to go do with her and letting us happily go about planning for it only to never have had any intention of executing the plan.  Oh, I was so angry with her.

Anyway, I guess my words really got through because, a few minutes later, Mom changed her mind and took us to see the movie (like I said, I don't think she meant to do something so mean; I really think she changed her mind and was just super clueless how mean it was to do that).

Allyson

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #145 on: December 02, 2012, 11:36:45 AM »
When my brother and I were kids, I remember a couple of times, usually when driving, when we would be acting annoying in some way or other, probably by being too loud. My dad would say 'Well, I was *going* to take you guys to do something nice, but now you've acted like this, so it's not happening.' Of course we'd freak out until he told us he never meant to do it anyway. All that really taught us was not to trust Dad, though. As we got older, my response to things like that would be more and more indifferent.

When I was working at a place with a tip jar, an impossible-to-please customer once said, 'Well, I was going to tip you, but now I'm not because of Thing X.'  I think I said something like, 'that's no problem' which further enraged him'.

Kaypeep

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #146 on: December 02, 2012, 12:23:41 PM »
My mom was infamous for starting something and never finishing, but leaving "stuff" out from whatever it is that she started.  This included housekeeping. She would take out the vacuum and leave it out forcing us to walk around it.  Now, if any of US left something out she would yell until we put it away.  So one day after leaving the vacuum out for a while she starts screaming at us kids about how we kept walking over and around the vaccum but how none of us could bother to put it away.  My brother then said "Why do WE have to put it away?  YOU took it out.  If one of us took it out to vacuum you'd expect us to put it away. So why should we be expected to put away something YOU took out?"  Mom just stood there silent and then stormed out of the house.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #147 on: December 02, 2012, 06:16:47 PM »
My bff sort of does this, though it makes me laugh, and it usually happens when we're on the phone.

N: So and so ticks me off so MUCH, he did something today that was just so RUDE!!
Me: Oh?
N: Don't get me started, I don't want to get into it!
Me: Okay, I won't.
N: I'm really not in the mood to go over it.
Me: Okay.
N: Oh fine, this is what happened!

Mind you, she laughs when she says the last line.  It's not so much PA for her, and the funny thing is that she ALWAYS ends up telling me what happens one way or another so even if I am very curious and want to hear the story, I don't bother begging her to tell me cause I know it'll come out eventually.  She knows it too, and it's kind of become a joke with us. 

My dad used to expect women to keep a house as immaculate as a model home.  I'd always get comments if my house was less than perfect when I worked 40 hours and the first two boys were rather young.   And at the time DH rarely lifted a finger to help clean and I was not blessed with the best organizational skills.  I could be cleaning for 3 hours and if you came two hours after that, you'd never know it. 

"You have dirt on your baseboards! Your windows aren't wiped" Oh dear, just call CPS on me now. Never mind the kids could eat off the floor and their toys are picked up but for the few they're playing with.  But the baseboards and windows have a bit of dirt!  ::)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

FoxPaws

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #148 on: December 02, 2012, 07:02:48 PM »
"You have dirt on your baseboards! Your windows aren't wiped" Oh dear, just call CPS on me now. Never mind the kids could eat off the floor and their toys are picked up but for the few they're playing with.  But the baseboards and windows have a bit of dirt!  ::)
This was your cue to hand him a rag and a bottle of 409.   ;) >:D 8)

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #149 on: December 02, 2012, 07:08:27 PM »
Would if not for the fact that I didn't want him to stick around, and knowing him he'd do it while complaining about how much important work he could be doing and showing me how to clean them.  My mother did this too.   She would pick up a rag and 409 but it wouldn't be long before I'd take it away saying "I got it, thanks" and letting her know she was welcome to go attend to her own to-do list...at home.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata