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Author Topic: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27  (Read 303721 times)

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stitchygreyanonymouse

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #165 on: December 03, 2012, 09:56:29 AM »
My SOs mom is the queen of PA and guilt trips. Not as much with us, because he calls her out on them and then we’ll leave. It seems 7yo nephew is either oblivious or on to her (or likely a bit of both) for the PA stuff.

Yesterday’s response to her trying to convince him he needed to do some craft project for the holidays because she was feeling too unwell to do it herself was perfect:

QueenOfPA: "Fine, we’ll just work on it this week in between your homework. We can do it sometime between Monday and Friday and don’t forget, you have homework too." [Emphasis hers]
Nephew: "Okay!"
QueenOfPA: *Sputtering about how clearly she was saying they didn’t have time to do it during the week*

Nephew won that round though.

siamesecat2965

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #166 on: December 03, 2012, 11:49:55 AM »
I have to deal with PA clients at work all the time and they don't like it when I don't fall for it  >:D

We have a limited supply of audio visual equpiment which books out early on busy weeks. A client rings up, askes for something and I give them the bad news that we don't have anything left. Out come the comments 'Oh no, what will my boss (important person) do now?', 'what a disaster, the event will be ruinied', 'are you sure you don't have anything left for me?', 'But it is for really important person, you can't let me tell them I can't have it, I'll get in trouble!' etc, etc. They great really annoyed when I don't magically find them someting after they pout. I think I've had every PA trick in the book thrown at me and it just doesn't work.

I get this all the time at my PT job (retail) usually involving someone trying to return something past the 90 day deadline, or trying to get some sort of discount where none is available. 

I had a customer the other night try and pull the woe is me discount thing. She had put some sale items on hold, and at the time, they were an additional 40% off. But that promo is now over. Also, we technically are only supposed to hold sale items until the end of the day, although if its a customer we know, and know they will be back, we'll do it for longer.  Customer had put a number of items on hold maybe a week ago, while the extra % was still on. But when she came in, that promo was over, and they were "as marked" she bemoaned the fact, and went on about how she had ONLY put them on hold since it was an extra % off. 

Well, sorry, but a. if it was that important you got the extra off, you should have come in, or at the very least, which we can also do, called and paid for them on the phone and b. i am not losing my job to give you a discount that doesn't exist or that you are not entitled to.

I've gotten very good at not JADE-ing, and simply telling them I'm sorry I can't do what you want, or comiserating about their "bad luck" (i.e. not purchasing when it was a better deal) Then I simply stop talking.

LazyDaisy

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #167 on: December 03, 2012, 12:11:44 PM »
The movie story and other posters' similar stories remind me of my sister.  She would make plans causing me to look forward to them.  When the day comes she would frequently be too tired or just don't feel like it, but she won't just say that and end it.  Oh, no.  It's always followed by:

*sigh* we'll still go if you want to *sigh
*sigh* I'm so tired but I'll do it for you *sigh*

...and other wonderful sayings from the book of PA cliches.  Yeah.  Like that's going to an enjoyable activity.  I really want to spend time with someone with that attitude.  I've learned not to count on any of her plans.  If they happen, great.  If not, then I won't have that crushed disappointed feeling.

eta: since the topic is giving PA people what they want, I now just say OK and go on with my life. I used to be sad and anxious and call her on always breaking plans, which I think made her feel some strange kind of power and control over me.

I had a friend that used to break plans with me all of the time. I felt held hostage to her whims until I decided that I could go on with the plans whether she was there or not. The turning point for me was a weekend trip to Vegas for her birthday. We'd been planning it together for 2 months and I had already taken the Friday off from work at a job where it was near impossible to get time off, ever. Two days before we are to go she "just doesn't feel right about it" and offers to reimburse me whatever cancellation fees I might have (the hotel room and day spa reservations were all on my credit card). I'd had it! But I didn't yell or try to shame her into going, I just calmly stated that I had been really looking forward to this and so I was still going and I'm sure that I could either cancel or transfer the extra spa reservation. The surprised look on her face was priceless. She liked being in control of the plans and by going without her, I took all of her power away completely. I started doing it for everything. She didn't show for the movie -- I'll let her know if it was good or not; cancel at the last minute for lunch at the trendy new restaurant she'd suggested -- I'll let her know how the food was. She pitched little fits, "How could I go without her?!? Why can't I just wait?!?" but she got better at following through on plans.
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." — Douglas Adams

Nora

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #168 on: December 03, 2012, 02:39:05 PM »
That's all kinds off brilliant!
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #169 on: December 04, 2012, 10:20:28 AM »
LazyDaisy, I'm glad you got freeof that, but it just hit me that your friend was denying herself all kinds of enjoyment for the thrill she got out of controlling you.  That is a sad commentary on her.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy

LazyDaisy

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #170 on: December 04, 2012, 10:51:57 AM »
She had good qualities too and the friendship survived this little bump. She had always had small control issues but I'm pretty flexible and go-with-the-flow so it worked for us -- until it got out of hand. She loves to make plans, all of the build-up excitement and imagining, but when it comes to the actual time to do it, reality is kind of a let down. She's a "grass is always greener on the other side" person. So she'd make plans, build them up in her mind, then panic because it might not be as she imagined and want to cancel so she wouldn't be disappointed and could continue to imagine it. It's controlling but not malicious -- she wasn't trying to hurt me but wasn't thinking beyond herself.

When I started doing things with or without her, she made following through more of a priority and that solved the problem without a big fight. Although she is still cancels occasionally, I pick my battles.
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." — Douglas Adams

snowflake

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #171 on: December 04, 2012, 11:03:17 AM »
The college PA reminded me of someone I knew who lived in the same suite as I in my freshman and sophomore years.  (our dorm had 4 suites on each floor, with each suit having 5 rooms that shared one bathroom.   

This girl had a lot of bitterness and was just generally unpleasant.  She was a know it all, superior, and she was convinced that the only reason guys weren't interested her was because she was overweight. Nope, not really.  It was her attitude, completely.  She also liked to put men down...then wonder why they weren't interested.

She'd say "Men don't like me, they think I'm too fat!" Expecting of course for people to say "oh you're not too fat, they just don't know what they're missing!" I was too nice at the time to come out and say "Nope, there are plenty of women on campus your size who have boyfriends. It's your attitude." No one answered and of course that meant she'd just go on and on.   ::)

I think maybe I knew her?  I had a friend like this in my dorms.  She was MAYBE a size 14, so not obese, just a little "fluffy."  Of course this was always a hint to invite her along on our dates.  Um, no.  Not going to happen.  But it still drove me nuts that she expected me to invite her to an activity that someone else had invited me to with the expectation of alone time.  Of course, she claimed my boyfriends were "cheap" if I ever paid for a date (Because apparently she didn't believe that I though that was fair that we take turns.)  So she assumed I'd invite her along AND they'd pay for her.  She also regularly would put down our dates to their faces and tell them why she wouldn't date them.  Yeah, with all that fishing for compliments and invitations she could sure dish-out dirt straight foward enough!

There was one time after a particularly annoying whine period when I said, "No, Eric thought you were cute.  But he decided not to ask you out because he thinks you're too catty."

Yeah, like I said I HAD a friend like that in my dorms.  Probably not my finest moment but she at least got to hear a compliment about herself. 

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #172 on: December 04, 2012, 12:07:32 PM »
I don't know what the girl's size was, as I'm honestly an awful judge of sizes, but I think this girl would have been considered obese and just could be real snotty.She'd commiserate with you if you were single too, which I was for my first semester but then started dating in the spring and heard all sorts of comments from her about my choice of men.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #173 on: December 05, 2012, 10:51:58 AM »
I think I've shared this before but it fits here too. 

A guy DH and I were friends with in college used to do this to his wife a lot.  One example I remember well, because he was such a jerk about it, was when we were trying to decide what kind of pizza we wanted and she was really in the mood for Pizza Hut.   

Friend: I'd like Pizza Hut, but I know how you feel about them. (he got fired)
Her STBX (HSTBX): No, if you want PH, we can get PH
Friend: Are you sure? I know you don't like going there after how they treated you.   (knowing his work ethic, he probably earned it)
HSTBX: No no, if that's what you want, we can have PH

Tired of the back and forth DH and I said "Pizza Hut it is!" and went to the closest one.

The whole time HSTBX sulked and whined that she would choose Pizza Hut when she knew how he felt about it. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Virg

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #174 on: December 05, 2012, 11:18:03 AM »
Piratelvr1121, I think they both get a vote on this one.  Your friend's STBX was pouty and PA about it after the pizza was bought, but to be honest her initial sentence was also PA, because she knew how he felt about Pizza Hut but said it in such a way as to dump it on him to refuse, hoping that he'd capitulate (which he did).  She should have just said that she really wanted Pizza Hut and taken her lumps for it.  In this particular case I think HSTBX had a point that she should have known it would bother him, and if she was really worried about his feelings she'd have just not suggested it in the first place.

Virg

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #175 on: December 05, 2012, 11:55:56 AM »
I dunno, I compare it to if they wanted to watch two different movies, one that they both would like and one that only she would like.  She'd honestly say "Well I'd like to see that one, but let's see the one we'd both enjoy."  He'd say "No, we'll go see the one you want to see!" She'd argue she could just see that one by herself another time (which she honestly liked doing and he knows it) or with me and he'd say "No no, we're going to see what you want to see."

Then after they'd see it he'd whine that she MADE him go see it.  ::)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

HenrysMom

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #176 on: December 06, 2012, 08:21:12 AM »
I know I have told this one before:

When going out to dinner with the family, my father would never order dessert for himself.  While everyone else would be eating their dessert, he would look intently from one to the other at every bite until one of us would crack and say, "Oh, here, just take it."  The first time we went to a restaurant with Mom and Pop, Pop tried it on DH.  DH was oblivious, and, in spite of my father watching every bite he took, finished his dessert.  DH later asked me why Pop was staring at him.

We never did break Pop of this habit, but he never tried it again with DH.

JenJay

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #177 on: December 06, 2012, 08:32:33 AM »
I know I have told this one before:

When going out to dinner with the family, my father would never order dessert for himself.  While everyone else would be eating their dessert, he would look intently from one to the other at every bite until one of us would crack and say, "Oh, here, just take it."  The first time we went to a restaurant with Mom and Pop, Pop tried it on DH.  DH was oblivious, and, in spite of my father watching every bite he took, finished his dessert.  DH later asked me why Pop was staring at him.

We never did break Pop of this habit, but he never tried it again with DH.

Somebody should have given your dad their dessert and then flagged down the server and ordered another one for themself.  ;D

HenrysMom

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #178 on: December 06, 2012, 08:42:07 AM »
I know I have told this one before:

When going out to dinner with the family, my father would never order dessert for himself.  While everyone else would be eating their dessert, he would look intently from one to the other at every bite until one of us would crack and say, "Oh, here, just take it."  The first time we went to a restaurant with Mom and Pop, Pop tried it on DH.  DH was oblivious, and, in spite of my father watching every bite he took, finished his dessert.  DH later asked me why Pop was staring at him.

We never did break Pop of this habit, but he never tried it again with DH.

Somebody should have given your dad their dessert and then flagged down the server and ordered another one for themself.  ;D

Honestly, it never occurred to us to do that.  We usually would eat about half and pass the rest to Pop.  It's been 13 years and I'd give anything (including all my desserts) to see him do that one more time.

JenJay

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #179 on: December 06, 2012, 04:48:12 PM »
I know I have told this one before:

When going out to dinner with the family, my father would never order dessert for himself.  While everyone else would be eating their dessert, he would look intently from one to the other at every bite until one of us would crack and say, "Oh, here, just take it."  The first time we went to a restaurant with Mom and Pop, Pop tried it on DH.  DH was oblivious, and, in spite of my father watching every bite he took, finished his dessert.  DH later asked me why Pop was staring at him.

We never did break Pop of this habit, but he never tried it again with DH.

Somebody should have given your dad their dessert and then flagged down the server and ordered another one for themself.  ;D

Honestly, it never occurred to us to do that.  We usually would eat about half and pass the rest to Pop.  It's been 13 years and I'd give anything (including all my desserts) to see him do that one more time.

Sorry, I should have been more clear. I meant give him the half eaten dessert as usual and order a new whole one. I just thought it would have been fun to see him go  :o, but we're like that in my family. Lots of joking and giving each other a bad time - all in fun!  :)