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Author Topic: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27  (Read 303477 times)

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LadyClaire

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #195 on: December 11, 2012, 03:05:52 PM »
I think I've shared this before but it fits here too. 


The whole time HSTBX sulked and whined that she would choose Pizza Hut when she knew how he felt about it.


So finally I started ordering the pizza, without mushrooms, so that he couldn't do that anymore..and then he'd get offended that I thought he'd be so selfish as to not want me to get the pizza I liked. I seriously could not win.

I assume that both these stories are only part of why they are Ex?

One of many, many reasons he is Ex. He also tried the whole "I'll kill myself if you leave me!!" thing when I dumped him. So I called his best friend and told him that Ex was threatening suicide and it might be a good idea if Ex's grandmother sent him a plane ticket to go back to England. His friend called his mother and grandmother, who called him and freaked out that he was threatening suicide. To say he was displeased with me would be an understatement.

snowflake

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #196 on: December 11, 2012, 03:07:24 PM »
My ex boyfriend hated mushrooms. He couldn't stand the smell of them, even. I love mushrooms on my pizza, but I'd get something else because I knew he disliked them and would complain about being able to smell them. We would usually order a pizza on Friday nights, and either do half-and-half toppings (one half for me, one for him) or two small pizzas with our toppings of choice.

He was a very PA person, and it started out with him saying "Oh, go on, go ahead and get mushrooms, I won't mind" and then if I agreed and got pizza with mushrooms, he'd get hugely offended that I actually agreed to get mushrooms because I knew he didn't like them. So I stopped agreeing and would just tell him to order something else. I guess that took away his fun, because he'd just order pizza with mushrooms anyways and then complain about how the smell of them made him so sick, but he got it anyways, and how I was so thoughtless to want mushrooms (even though I'd told him repeatedly NOT to order them on mine if he disliked the smell that much).

So finally I started ordering the pizza, without mushrooms, so that he couldn't do that anymore..and then he'd get offended that I thought he'd be so selfish as to not want me to get the pizza I liked. I seriously could not win.

Bold sentence is incorrect because red text.

Hee, hee.  I love this.

I'd say that's called winning!

MrTango

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #197 on: December 11, 2012, 03:15:47 PM »
One of many, many reasons he is Ex. He also tried the whole "I'll kill myself if you leave me!!" thing when I dumped him. So I called his best friend and told him that Ex was threatening suicide and it might be a good idea if Ex's grandmother sent him a plane ticket to go back to England. His friend called his mother and grandmother, who called him and freaked out that he was threatening suicide. To say he was displeased with me would be an understatement.

I must be a horrible person.  I find myself taking delight in situations where people say something along the lines of the bolded in a clearly attention-seeking way and then they get upset when they get more attention than they can handle...

ica171

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #198 on: December 11, 2012, 04:11:48 PM »
It's not exactly on the same level as most of the stories here, and it's more passive than aggressive, but lately my 8yo son has decided he can get around the "don't ask for stuff while we're at the store" rule by saying "I wish I could have _____/I wish we could get ________." Depending on my mood my response runs the gamut from no acknowledgement to "Well, we're not getting ________ today" to "If wishes were horses then beggars would ride" to "Stop asking for stuff by saying you wish you could have it. That's no different than just asking for it." None of it works. Not surprisingly, since he's incredibly stubborn and has also perfected the art of selective hearing. It's also why I do my best to go to the store when he's in school.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #199 on: December 11, 2012, 06:10:29 PM »
My oldest does that, like he thinks I'll get tired of him saying that and will break down and get it for him. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

JenJay

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #200 on: December 11, 2012, 06:47:45 PM »
My kids know that gets met with "You should save up and buy it!" Kinda like when they ask "Can I have X?" and I say "I don't know, did you bring enough money?"  >:D

MommyPenguin

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #201 on: December 11, 2012, 07:19:23 PM »
Yeah, that's what I tell mine as well.  "Well, you can decide to save for that, sure.  Just remember, you'd have to spend the money you're saving up for the LEGO robotics set."  That usually works.  :)
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ica171

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #202 on: December 11, 2012, 07:29:05 PM »
He did get a Kindle Fire by saving up his money (we paid for half), but this is mostly stuff like Pop-Tarts and ice cream, with the occasional Nerf gun thrown in. I don't mind stuff like that once in a while, but if I let on that he could just buy them with his own money he'd never eat anything else!

JenJay

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #203 on: December 11, 2012, 08:02:18 PM »
He did get a Kindle Fire by saving up his money (we paid for half), but this is mostly stuff like Pop-Tarts and ice cream, with the occasional Nerf gun thrown in. I don't mind stuff like that once in a while, but if I let on that he could just buy them with his own money he'd never eat anything else!

Good point

I can still do that with my middle and oldest because they don't actually want the thing when they find out it'll come out of their pocket. (They are savers, too. DD bought herself a Nook Color.)

My youngest, though? You give him $1 and he's looking for something that costs $1.10 and asking to borrow a dime  ;D. I could see him doing chores for pop tart money. There's another line I use on my kids, maybe it'd work on yours. When they do the mopey "I wish" thing I say "It's important to have dreams. Maybe, if you work very hard, you can achieve that some day!"

Sarcasm is the official language of this household. We're all fluent.

Softly Spoken

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #204 on: December 11, 2012, 10:18:11 PM »
It has been really interesting reading these stories. I was inspired to actually wiki "passive aggressive." ::)

I recently broke up with my best friend and in the last conversation (argument) we had, she accused me of being passive aggressive. This really bothered me and I spent a lot of time trying to work out if it was true or not. After reading everyone else's stories here, I have decided that I am not a PA person by nature, just a mostly passive person who has to work on expressing herself. Like when I say "I don't care," I. really. don't. care. No ESP games, no hidden meanings, no code words, guesswork, just true. For my friend apparently that was PA. Like when I said I didn't care where we ate, she would get mad that I wouldn't choose. Maybe we could have worked things out if she had met my perceived PA with more proactive responses like PPs here did, but she chose to fight PA with PA (i.e. "Well I guess we won't get any food") and so we were doomed.

I'll admit, I may say I'm "fine" when I'm not, but it's usually because I don't know how to explain what I'm really feeling and/or I don't want to get into it. :(

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I would never say something with the expectation that I would get the opposite of what I asked for - that's like the antithesis of communication! :P

Isn't it funny though, how in some situations even some etiquette is PA-ish? Like if there is only one of something left, we are supposed to say "Oh no, you take it" and of course everyone says that and so no one gets it. If someone jumped in with "Okay, I'll take it" they would be considered greedy or rude for admitting they wanted it. ???

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Funny thing how so many people who talk about dying end up living forever - it's either reverse psychology or the Grim Reaper is avoiding them because he doesn't want to deal with their whining! >:D
"... for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
-William Shakespeare

"We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't."  ~Frank A. Clark

yokozbornak

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #205 on: December 11, 2012, 10:23:56 PM »
It has been really interesting reading these stories. I was inspired to actually wiki "passive aggressive." ::)

I recently broke up with my best friend and in the last conversation (argument) we had, she accused me of being passive aggressive. This really bothered me and I spent a lot of time trying to work out if it was true or not. After reading everyone else's stories here, I have decided that I am not a PA person by nature, just a mostly passive person who has to work on expressing herself. Like when I say "I don't care," I. really. don't. care. No ESP games, no hidden meanings, no code words, guesswork, just true. For my friend apparently that was PA. Like when I said I didn't care where we ate, she would get mad that I wouldn't choose. Maybe we could have worked things out if she had met my perceived PA with more proactive responses like PPs here did, but she chose to fight PA with PA (i.e. "Well I guess we won't get any food") and so we were doomed.

I'll admit, I may say I'm "fine" when I'm not, but it's usually because I don't know how to explain what I'm really feeling and/or I don't want to get into it. :(

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I would never say something with the expectation that I would get the opposite of what I asked for - that's like the antithesis of communication! :P

Isn't it funny though, how in some situations even some etiquette is PA-ish? Like if there is only one of something left, we are supposed to say "Oh no, you take it" and of course everyone says that and so no one gets it. If someone jumped in with "Okay, I'll take it" they would be considered greedy or rude for admitting they wanted it. ???

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Funny thing how so many people who talk about dying end up living forever - it's either reverse psychology or the Grim Reaper is avoiding them because he doesn't want to deal with their whining! >:D

I just wanted to say that your ex-friend does sound PA, not you. 

MariaE

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #206 on: December 11, 2012, 11:54:21 PM »
Like when I say "I don't care," I. really. don't. care. No ESP games, no hidden meanings, no code words, guesswork, just true.

In Danish, "I don't care" is literally "I'm equally happy" (as in, "I'm equally happy with either option"). Unfortunately, some people think it 'clever' to reply "Equally happy means never happy!" No. It doesn't. Equally happy means I'm happy either way.

My childhood best friend use to say that all the time. It frustrated me to no end.
 
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice

Yvaine

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #207 on: December 12, 2012, 10:00:20 AM »
Funny thing how so many people who talk about dying end up living forever - it's either reverse psychology or the Grim Reaper is avoiding them because he doesn't want to deal with their whining! >:D


 ;D ;D ;D

StuffedGrapeLeaves

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #208 on: December 12, 2012, 11:18:49 AM »
Funny thing how so many people who talk about dying end up living forever - it's either reverse psychology or the Grim Reaper is avoiding them because he doesn't want to deal with their whining! >:D


 ;D ;D ;D

One of my friends had a grandmother who was the queen of PA, and had been going through the whole "I might be dying tomorrow" rigamarole for over 20 years.  Her relatives usually just rolled their eyes and ignored her whenever she went into this mode.  Eventually the grandmother did die the day after a holiday (forgot which one) when she was over 90 years old.  My friend told me that her brother's reaction when finding out the news was, "Well, she is finally right.  She must be enjoying bragging about that down below."   ;D

Allyson

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #209 on: December 12, 2012, 11:39:43 AM »
On the 'I don't care' thing. When one person never chooses, even they honestly *don't* care, it can still be frustrating for the 'chooser'. I have had friendships like that, where the other person honestly never has a preference, or at least never expresses such. I still wish once in awhile I got to be the one who didn't have to choose! Even just me saying 'Do you want A or B' because I like both equally the other person could pick one or the other based on random chance if they want. ;)