Author Topic: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27  (Read 126652 times)

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Softly Spoken

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #225 on: December 12, 2012, 02:16:21 PM »
...   

Funny thing how so many people who talk about dying end up living forever - it's either reverse psychology or the Grim Reaper is avoiding them because he doesn't want to deal with their whining! >:D

My mother used to say of such people "The Good Lord doesn't want him and the Devil's afraid he'll take over!!"

I like that one. Reminds me of another "be the kind of woman that, when your feet hit the floor the Devil says "Oh carp, she's up!"

Makes me think of the movie "City Slickers": "Lord, we're sending you Curly...try not to piss him off."  ;D

/end threadjack! We now return to our regularly scheduled topic...
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snowflake

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #226 on: December 12, 2012, 02:18:34 PM »
One of many, many reasons he is Ex. He also tried the whole "I'll kill myself if you leave me!!" thing when I dumped him. So I called his best friend and told him that Ex was threatening suicide and it might be a good idea if Ex's grandmother sent him a plane ticket to go back to England. His friend called his mother and grandmother, who called him and freaked out that he was threatening suicide. To say he was displeased with me would be an understatement.

I must be a horrible person.  I find myself taking delight in situations where people say something along the lines of the bolded in a clearly attention-seeking way and then they get upset when they get more attention than they can handle...

I know I am a horrible person. 

I shared my story of the PA co-worker who threatened suicide and then yelled at me for calling the cops.  He was later committed. I must admit that while I did have some humanitarian gladness for his mental health, there was also part of me that was gleeful in a "Well, lets see if you pull THAT act again!" sort of way.

I think the lesson is that it's very easy to be a horrible person after putting up with horrible behavior.  That's why I like the fact that making him an ex was the ultimate win.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #227 on: December 12, 2012, 02:28:10 PM »
... there was also part of me that was gleeful in a "Well, lets see if you pull THAT act again!" sort of way.

As long as you kept it to yourself, having this sentiment does not make you a horrible person.   :)
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Seraphia

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #228 on: December 12, 2012, 02:50:32 PM »
It's not exactly on the same level as most of the stories here, and it's more passive than aggressive, but lately my 8yo son has decided he can get around the "don't ask for stuff while we're at the store" rule by saying "I wish I could have _____/I wish we could get ________." Depending on my mood my response runs the gamut from no acknowledgement to "Well, we're not getting ________ today" to "If wishes were horses then beggars would ride" to "Stop asking for stuff by saying you wish you could have it. That's no different than just asking for it." None of it works. Not surprisingly, since he's incredibly stubborn and has also perfected the art of selective hearing. It's also why I do my best to go to the store when he's in school.

My 5 year old has started doing this! I generally just answer it with, "Mmmhmm.. that would be nice, wouldn't it?" Or, he'll see me eating/drinking something and instead of asking if he can have some, he'll just say "I really like that". I just smile and say, "I know, so do I!".
He's going to learn young that he's going to have to ask directly.

My niece tried that on me. "I love popcorn!" *pause* "Yes, me too."

My friend couldn't figure out why I hadn't just explained that I wouldn't buy her any, since she'd been begging earlier for some and I had already told her no. I told Friend that I wasn't going to get into an argument with a five-year-old about "But whyyyyyyyyyy?" when she hadn't made a request for any in the first place.
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Sheila Take a Bow

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #229 on: December 12, 2012, 03:30:40 PM »
I had a PA ex-boyfriend.  He used to insist on paying for all of our dates -- he'd actually make me put money away if I tried to pay for anything.  And then he'd complain that I never paid for anything.  After a while I just made sure to pay for everything (I made more money than he did), and then he complained that he didn't like being kept.

Then he started in on how we spent too much time together, and he wished he had more time for his friends.  So when he called one day and asked to cancel a date so he could hang out with his buddy, I said that was fine.  And then the week after that, he complained that I wasn't upset that he bailed on me.

Finally he told me he didn't think we had a future and he wanted to break up with me.  I didn't try to argue for him to stay; I took him at his word.  A couple of weeks later, he started calling me, saying he missed me terribly.

After a few calls, I realized that this was how the relationship was going to go if I went back to him -- constantly having to prove myself to him, always being tested.  So I told him that I realized he was right, that we didn't have a future.  It felt so liberating!
« Last Edit: December 12, 2012, 04:54:05 PM by Sheila Take a Bow »

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #230 on: December 12, 2012, 03:53:24 PM »
Wow, Sheila, you may have just won the thread.  He sounds like a nightmare.
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #231 on: December 12, 2012, 04:02:20 PM »
No kidding, I wouldn't have patience for that either! What a pill! 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

bopper

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #232 on: December 12, 2012, 04:36:06 PM »
It's not exactly on the same level as most of the stories here, and it's more passive than aggressive, but lately my 8yo son has decided he can get around the "don't ask for stuff while we're at the store" rule by saying "I wish I could have _____/I wish we could get ________." Depending on my mood my response runs the gamut from no acknowledgement to "Well, we're not getting ________ today" to "If wishes were horses then beggars would ride" to "Stop asking for stuff by saying you wish you could have it. That's no different than just asking for it." None of it works. Not surprisingly, since he's incredibly stubborn and has also perfected the art of selective hearing. It's also why I do my best to go to the store when he's in school.

I would go with a middle route..."Put that on your Birthday/Christmas list!"
So you are acknowledging the desire and giving a possibility of him getting it.

reddevil

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #233 on: December 12, 2012, 04:37:23 PM »
A friend dealt with her martyr mother in law in a way that I don't believe is ehell approved, but worked after one time...

Martyr MIL would constantly insist that she would make the meal, she would host, she would buy, etc, then complain about how she was ALWAYS doing everything and it was SO HARD, etc.  So one day, Friend looks at her, gets a "thinking face" on, and says, hey, would you mind doing something for me?  MIL says what?  Friend says "Would you mind crawling down off your cross?  We need the wood."  Then she smiled.  Not one more complaint, and Friend got to host occasionally. 

Hijinks

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #234 on: December 12, 2012, 05:42:07 PM »
My DH sometimes starts to mutter loudly over something that annoys him when I'm around, like dishes on the countertop, or that the oven isn't clean enough...I think he wants me to jump in there, but I never open my mouth or do anything. If he wants to discuss the issue or wants me to help, he can just ask. It works for me :)

I will admit that I'm guilty of this when I have had enough of him never doing dishes  ::)

Just last night I was playing a video game and I vaguely heard DH asking the toddler if he "went" and then he started going "Ewwwww..."  (pause)  "Ewwww..." (pause), then he threw down the remote and stormed off to change the offensive diaper.  When he came back, I said, "Honey, if you'd like me to change a diaper, just tell me.  I wasn't paying attention to what you were doing other than you were making an annoying noise."

SamiHami

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #235 on: December 12, 2012, 07:02:21 PM »
My brother is normally a pretty sane, level headed guy. Not perfect of course, but usually a good person to hang around with.

Earlier this year his wife left him. It was a shock (after 28 years of marriage) and he honestly didn't know how to handle it. At one point he really did completely fall apart. I know that at one point he sent an email to his estranged wife and while I don't know the exact wording, apparently he threatened to kill himself. His STBX did the right thing and called the police, even though she was sure he was just venting. I don't blame her; after all, what if he actually had done it?

He was FURIOUS that she called the police. What was worse was that their daughter (22) was home when this happened. She was terribly upset so she did the only thing she knew to do; she called her grandparents (my and DB's parents) and told them about it. They jumped in their car and went straight to his house, and I spoke with my niece on the phone the entire time to keep her calm until they got there.

Happily, he never truly intended to kill himself; he was lashing out because I think he genuinely didn't know how to handle what was going on. He was not pleased at the attention from the police and from family, but now he knows that people will react if he says something foolish.

Happily he is well past that and is now a relatively normal person again.

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snowfire

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #236 on: December 12, 2012, 11:44:31 PM »
My mother used to say of such people "The Good Lord doesn't want him and the Devil's afraid he'll take over!!"

Our family had a variation on that.  "The Lord doesn't want him & the Devil won't take him a minute before he has to!"

My MIL is another PA Drama Queen.  She is famous for the "Never Darken my door AGAIN!" lines.  I've given her her wish.  I have not entered her house since September 2008 and have not spoken to her since around December of the same year...and that time I hung up on her since it was either hang up or reach through the phone line and do violence.  When someone accuses me of being a liar and a thief and breaking into their house on an almost daily basis, I am only too happy to have nothing more to do with them.  (Yes, MIL is starting to get some form of dementia, but she has disliked me from the day she met me.  You see, SHE didn't choose me to marry her son.  He had the unmitigated gall to make that choice without consulting her...)

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #237 on: December 12, 2012, 11:49:58 PM »
My mother used to say of such people "The Good Lord doesn't want him and the Devil's afraid he'll take over!!"

Our family had a variation on that.  "The Lord doesn't want him & the Devil won't take him a minute before he has to!"

My MIL is another PA Drama Queen.  She is famous for the "Never Darken my door AGAIN!" lines.  I've given her her wish.  I have not entered her house since September 2008 and have not spoken to her since around December of the same year...and that time I hung up on her since it was either hang up or reach through the phone line and do violence.  When someone accuses me of being a liar and a thief and breaking into their house on an almost daily basis, I am only too happy to have nothing more to do with them.  (Yes, MIL is starting to get some form of dementia, but she has disliked me from the day she met me.  You see, SHE didn't choose me to marry her son.  He had the unmitigated gall to make that choice without consulting her...)

Evil, Snarky, and myself are of one mind on this:  What we'd *really* like to say (if such a thing could ever happen) would be this:

"It really galls you that he loved me enough to choose me to spend his life with, but that he tolerates you because cruel irony genetically linked him to you, doesn't it?"
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CakeBeret

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #238 on: December 13, 2012, 11:05:38 AM »
A friend dealt with her martyr mother in law in a way that I don't believe is ehell approved, but worked after one time...

Martyr MIL would constantly insist that she would make the meal, she would host, she would buy, etc, then complain about how she was ALWAYS doing everything and it was SO HARD, etc.  So one day, Friend looks at her, gets a "thinking face" on, and says, hey, would you mind doing something for me?  MIL says what?  Friend says "Would you mind crawling down off your cross?  We need the wood."  Then she smiled.  Not one more complaint, and Friend got to host occasionally.

 :o ;D

Not Ehell approved, but I think a good term would be "Evil Genius".
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snowflake

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #239 on: December 13, 2012, 11:20:29 AM »
A friend dealt with her martyr mother in law in a way that I don't believe is ehell approved, but worked after one time...

Martyr MIL would constantly insist that she would make the meal, she would host, she would buy, etc, then complain about how she was ALWAYS doing everything and it was SO HARD, etc.  So one day, Friend looks at her, gets a "thinking face" on, and says, hey, would you mind doing something for me?  MIL says what?  Friend says "Would you mind crawling down off your cross?  We need the wood."  Then she smiled.  Not one more complaint, and Friend got to host occasionally.

Not ehell approved, but depending on the relationship I don't think this is a bad thing.  My husband would make snarky comments like that early in our relationship when I went into "martyr" mode.  Maybe not ehell, but I appreciated the reminder said with some humor.  (And he said it with love, not in a mean, bitter way.) I really don't want to be an eternal martyr, but it's a hard, hard, hard habit to break.  He would make me laugh and then I'd step back and re-examine how I was approaching my problem.