Author Topic: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27  (Read 127248 times)

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gramma dishes

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #360 on: December 29, 2012, 10:42:57 PM »
 ;D  Good for Don and Linda!!  Sounds like they both have good, solid, sturdy, titanium spines and Diety of your choice knows they need them with that kind of family!!   It also sounds like they both know how to be supportive of each other.  Good for them.

Winterlight

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #361 on: December 29, 2012, 11:20:45 PM »
Attaboy!

I'm thinking the best thing for them and their marriage is to stay far, far away from his toxic mom and her supporters.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Jocelyn

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #362 on: December 30, 2012, 10:40:27 AM »
A friend of ours had the best solution to situations like this.  Her advice was to not clean up too much.  Let the neatnik mother find something to clean.  It will keep her busy and happy.
I am told it works even faster if you lie on the sofa, eating something messy, and periodically call for the neatnik to bring you another beverage.  >:D

Shalamar

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #363 on: December 30, 2012, 12:31:27 PM »
So THAT'S where my 15-year-old got the idea from ...

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #364 on: December 30, 2012, 01:01:20 PM »
Someone asked for an update to the Don and Linda Thanksgiving story...

I'm sorry, I can't find the first part of this story.  Could you give a link, please?

weeblewobble

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #365 on: December 30, 2012, 01:03:31 PM »
First post in this thread.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #366 on: December 30, 2012, 01:24:55 PM »

onikenbai

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #367 on: December 30, 2012, 02:36:00 PM »
My mother is not content enough to be merely PA, she makes sure that other people suffer publicly for what she perceives are failures to act on the part of other people.  As an example, her friend had been extremely ill for some time.  Every time either my brother or I spoke to mother, we inquired about friend's health etc., so it's not like we were completely insensitive to the issue.  I work about 45 hours a week and go to grad school, so there are weeks that I get so busy that I literally do not have time to sleep, never mind check in with mother on a daily basis.  So one of those weeks rolls around and it's something like 8-9 days since I've last spoken to my mother.  When I call her and do the usual routine of asking about friend she said quite bitterly "Well if you took the time to call more often, you would know that we BURIED HER ON MONDAY."!  Yup, seems that she was more interested in making her PA point that I don't call her often enough that she failed to tell either my brother or I about the death, and the two of us were pointedly missed at the funeral.  We looked like insensitive sots for skipping the event, and my mother enjoyed her revenge.

gramma dishes

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #368 on: December 30, 2012, 02:40:40 PM »
...    "Well if you took the time to call more often, you would know that we BURIED HER ON MONDAY."!  ...

You and your brother should spring for one of those fancy new fangled phones for your mother that allows her to actually MAKE calls all by herself to replace the one she has now that apparently only allows her to receive them!!   ::)

JenJay

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #369 on: December 30, 2012, 02:56:05 PM »
My mother is not content enough to be merely PA, she makes sure that other people suffer publicly for what she perceives are failures to act on the part of other people.  As an example, her friend had been extremely ill for some time.  Every time either my brother or I spoke to mother, we inquired about friend's health etc., so it's not like we were completely insensitive to the issue.  I work about 45 hours a week and go to grad school, so there are weeks that I get so busy that I literally do not have time to sleep, never mind check in with mother on a daily basis.  So one of those weeks rolls around and it's something like 8-9 days since I've last spoken to my mother.  When I call her and do the usual routine of asking about friend she said quite bitterly "Well if you took the time to call more often, you would know that we BURIED HER ON MONDAY."!  Yup, seems that she was more interested in making her PA point that I don't call her often enough that she failed to tell either my brother or I about the death, and the two of us were pointedly missed at the funeral.  We looked like insensitive sots for skipping the event, and my mother enjoyed her revenge.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I was in a similar situation once, though it wasn't deliberate P/A behavior (I still don't know what happened, but my Mom isn't P/A). Somehow my Mom, her husband and his adult kids all ended up attending my Great-Uncle's funeral... and I hadn't even been informed he'd passed on. It was horrible having to write a card to my Great-Aunt explaining that I hadn't been there because I hadn't known he was gone, but I thought that was better than having her think I just couldn't be bothered.  :-\

Otterpop

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #370 on: December 30, 2012, 03:29:08 PM »
That happened to me too.  My PA cousin got her final revenge on me by failing to inform me of her father's death (she was designated to call me).  Everyone, but me, showed up to the memorial.  I was my usual joking and chipper self with my aunt during brief phone calls.  My Facebook page was filled with busy shallowness.  Basically l looked like a giant, insensitive, donkey's behind.

I had to express my sorrow and explain that I was oblivious 2 weeks later when I got the "thank you for attending" memorial card.  It was mortifying.  But now I've given my PA cousin, who was overtly petty, competitive and jealous, the thing she always wanted:  complete no contact.

BTW  Thank you Webblewobble for the update on Don and Linda.  That is a great story!!!

« Last Edit: December 30, 2012, 03:33:10 PM by Otterpop »

Iris

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #371 on: December 30, 2012, 04:06:03 PM »
Someone asked for an update to the Don and Linda Thanksgiving story. Don and Linda did not go to his parents' house for Thanksgiving, despite many (many, many) phone calls from various relatives telling Don how shocked and appalled they were by his behavior and how he needed to be a good son and apologize to his mother. 

Mom went into an extinction burst of voicemails, FB messages, emails, etc., all telling him that he'd RUINED her holiday with his hard-heartedness and cruelty, and clearly this behavior was all Linda's idea/fault.  Life would be so much better if he hadn't married her.  Linda was stealing him from his family and making him forget what he owes his parents, etc.  Her final message was in mid-December, when she told Don that if he didn't apologize for his multitude of offenses, he wouldn't be welcome at Christmas.

Don took that at face-value and made plans to spend Christmas with his wife and inlaws, who treat him quite nicely.  His family started up again with the "You're breaking your mother's heart!" messages.  He blocked a lot of them on FB, email and his cell phone.  As far as I know, they had a nice quiet, peaceful Christmas.

I'd just like to take a moment to admire Don. People raised by passive aggressive parents (because I know him mother can't have just turned into this overnight) often find it amazingly difficult to break the pattern of behaviour, or even *see* that it is wrong. I would like him to adopt an 16 year old, teach him what he knows about family, marriage and priorities for the next 10 years, and then deliver him to my daughter please.  ;)

onikenbai - your story actually made me gasp out loud. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

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BarensMom

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #372 on: December 30, 2012, 04:07:36 PM »
I may have posted this story before, but I've finally given my brother and his family the cut.  The final straw was when Brother called me to ask for my sisters' addresses to send out birth announcements, then didn't bother to send me one (obviously a PA dig).  I still don't know which of his kids had the baby, nor at this point, do I care (no announcement, no baby gift).

Brother and his family are off my card lists, blocked from phone and FB, and out of my life.  I don't miss their toxicity at all - stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Auntie Mame

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #373 on: December 30, 2012, 04:40:29 PM »
Someone asked for an update to the Don and Linda Thanksgiving story.

This is the story of the grandfather who torments his granddaughter, right?

If so, Good for Don and Linda!  My bravo and hats off!

I was appalled by that story.
Auntie needs fuel, black coffee and a side car.

weeblewobble

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!)
« Reply #374 on: December 30, 2012, 04:43:07 PM »
No the first story in this thread