Cross-posted from my hugs thread because it's just SO PA
So, back around Thanksgiving, I spoke to both my parents and told them that we would be available on their specified Christmas-celebrating dates, and that was it. We were coming into town on Saturday, but would be spending Saturday and Sunday together with just our family (my sister has DD now until the 30th, so we wanted to spend as much time with DD as possible.) At the time, they both said that was fine.
On Friday, my mom called and started telling me all these plans she wanted to do with us--which included Saturday, Sunday, and Monday (her day.) She has a really bad habit of inviting herself along on things, so I wasn't surprised, but I was annoyed. I said, "Oh, I thought we had agreed that you each got a day and the rest of the time it would be just us." She said, "Oh. Well. Call me on Saturday when you get in and we can talk about it." And then hung up before I could say anything else. Which is her MO.
We get in on Saturday around noon, visit with my sister and her BF and see their new dog, and then go out to do family things. Around 2 my mom calls and asks when we got in. "Earlier." "Oh, when?" "Earlier." Oh. Nice that you could call me and give me an update." And the passive-aggressiveness begins. We told her that we could be free for dinner and breakfast the next day (yeah, I folded and am kind of mad at myself). We met for dinner, and it was fine. At dinner, I said DH and I had done some talking and actually dinner the next night would be better than breakfast based on our plans (and plus it would give her more time with DD.) She said she really wanted swedish meatballs (which annoyed me because I would rather go out, but she would rather eat at home. She thinks it's more economical, but in reality it would be me or my sister buying the ingredients and me making whatever dish she wanted, which was NOT what I wanted to do on my vacation.) But I said okay, we can have it at Sis's house since we weren't doing Christmas there anymore. She agreed and everything seemed fine.
The next day, we go about all our plans. DH, DH and I go see a movie that afternoon, and plan on coming back and then my mom can come over. Our movie gets done around 4:30. Around that same time, my sister texts her and tells her she can come over at any time. No response. We call and tell her the same thing, no response. Two more texts from Sis, no response. Finally my mom texts Sis back with, "I don't think I am coming over tonight. You are all treating me terribly. This could be my last Christmas, I hope you feel great about yourselves." (Nevermind that we are giving her extra time, AND I spent time shopping for and making her stupid meatballs.)
THEN we learn that she's been on the phone with various relatives all day telling them how terrible we are because we don't want to spend every minute of every day with her. Some of them call my sister (but not me) and bawl her out for being an awful daughter at Christmas. How could we be so heartless. They tell her she needs to go up to my mom's house and apologize and make sure my mom is OK.
So, rather than spend the time available with us, she instead chose to stay away and trash us to other people. Gee, wonder why we don't want to spend time with you...