Author Topic: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27  (Read 127094 times)

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blue2000

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #435 on: February 22, 2013, 07:17:28 PM »
Has anyone ever had a situation where you gave the PA person what he/she wanted--for example, saying "Okay" in response to "Well, fine.  I'll just do it myself/stay out of it/whatever"--and had that person get angry that you called their bluff?  I can't tell you how many times I've had that happen, responded with "Okay", and had whoever I was arguing with round on me and say, "No, you're not supposed to answer me with that!"

Short version: Ever had the other person throw a tantrum when you don't follow the script?

Just had one. I have a relative who has a long history of feuding with people. They decided that I was mad at them, and therefore not speaking to them, so they weren't going to talk to me. Not true, but whatever. ::) Not going to argue the point.

They recently broke their silence and sent a message to someone else that they weren't speaking to to give me a message that they want me to talk to them. Dude. Really. This isn't a James Bond movie. You couldn't just pick up the dang phone and say hello??
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weeblewobble

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #436 on: February 22, 2013, 07:44:00 PM »
Has anyone ever had a situation where you gave the PA person what he/she wanted--for example, saying "Okay" in response to "Well, fine.  I'll just do it myself/stay out of it/whatever"--and had that person get angry that you called their bluff?  I can't tell you how many times I've had that happen, responded with "Okay", and had whoever I was arguing with round on me and say, "No, you're not supposed to answer me with that!"

Short version: Ever had the other person throw a tantrum when you don't follow the script?

When we were still pregnant with our daughter, we decided not to let DH's sister babysit (or be alone with DD) for multiple reasons dealing with her mental health/behavior.  She expected to babysit DD, have DD sleep at her apartment, etc.  When we told her this was not going to happen, she initially "forgave us" for our decision. (A whole 'nother thread) But for months afterward, whenever the family was talking about our (not-born-yet) baby, she would sigh, "Well, I'm never going to have the relationship I want with my niece, so I'm not even going to bother trying to spend time with her." or "Well, since Weeblewobble and Mr. Weeble don't want me anywhere near the baby, I'll just stay home and wait until she's a few weeks old before I visit her."

We would say, "OK, then" or "That's your choice." instead of falling all over ourselves to assure her that wasn't what we meant.  She had a meltdown about how "mean" and "hateful" we were to say she would be such a uninvolved aunt.  We pretty much ignored it. 

Anyanka

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #437 on: February 22, 2013, 09:45:32 PM »

Once was in the car with my mom. I was navigating an icy stretch of freeway with lots of slideoffs, and this is the time she wants to talk about how worried she is about her sister's health.


Mine once grabbed the steering wheel while I was driving in a snow-storm simply because I wasn't worried about  her leaving in the next few days. :o
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mmswm

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #438 on: February 22, 2013, 09:53:53 PM »

Once was in the car with my mom. I was navigating an icy stretch of freeway with lots of slideoffs, and this is the time she wants to talk about how worried she is about her sister's health.


Mine once grabbed the steering wheel while I was driving in a snow-storm simply because I wasn't worried about  her leaving in the next few days. :o

I had a similar experience because I wasn't worried enough about making it home or to a shelter in a hurricane.  Rita, to be exact.  It hadn't gotten bad yet, but it was still dicey.  Trust me, I was worried enough.  So worried, in fact, that I wasn't talking. This was apparently offensive.
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Miss Tickle

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #439 on: February 23, 2013, 12:52:47 AM »
We used to entertain the people in the apartment next door for dinner on a regular basis. The female half at least, because after a while I stopped hosting her BF.  She'd devour everything, he'd complain, and the complaints were just nitpicky little things. I will go out of my way to accommodate a sensitivity, will outright tell the allergic they can't eat my food (can't guarantee a peanut free dish for example because DH likes peanut oil), but when someone can't find anything nice to say, to the point of grumbling at the table, well, you don't want to burden them with your obviously subpar cooking.  So, his GF and I agreed we'd only burden her, and only when he wasn't home for dinner anyway.

And boy was he mad about that!

CrochetFanatic

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #440 on: February 23, 2013, 02:42:59 PM »
We used to entertain the people in the apartment next door for dinner on a regular basis. The female half at least, because after a while I stopped hosting her BF.  She'd devour everything, he'd complain, and the complaints were just nitpicky little things. I will go out of my way to accommodate a sensitivity, will outright tell the allergic they can't eat my food (can't guarantee a peanut free dish for example because DH likes peanut oil), but when someone can't find anything nice to say, to the point of grumbling at the table, well, you don't want to burden them with your obviously subpar cooking.  So, his GF and I agreed we'd only burden her, and only when he wasn't home for dinner anyway.

And boy was he mad about that!

I take it he was complaining because the things he could eat weren't what he wanted, and he was taking it out on his girlfriend?

Some people are just hard to please, no matter what you do.  If you tried to accommodate him, he should have been gracious about it.  I spent the night at a friend's house with a couple of other people for New Year's Eve several years ago, and she sliced up some apple in the morning and made us scrambled eggs.  The eggs...were awful.  But it was nice of her to cook for us, and everyone appreciated it.  (I stopped off for a breakfast sandwich afterwards, and didn't tell her.)

Otterpop

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #441 on: February 23, 2013, 03:04:46 PM »
I just had a new tenant, not moved in yet, leave me several messages in the space of 2 hours about a "serious leak that needed prompt attention."  Unfortunately I'd left my phone in its charger and was out marketing (VERY unusual for me to be without my phone).  After I returned home I saw the messages and tried to call him back but he was not answering, nor responding to texts.  His last message to me was that the place was being destroyed by water, it was "uninhabitable" and he wanted all his money back.

I then raced over to his still empty place, thinking there was water running down the walls, stains on the ceiling, only to find the place completely dry and still freshly renovated.  There was a wet paper towel under the sink but that was all.  My normal response would be to call a plumber and apologize profusely to the tenant.  Instead, my husband said "Give him his cash and get the keys back immediately.  If he goes ballistic about a drip from the U-joint under the sink, imagine what a nightmare he will be if something really serious goes wrong."

I called the plumber who fixed the sink in 10 minutes.  Then sent an e-mail to the tenant about where we could meet to exchange money and keys.  Cue a phone call from said tenant who was sputtering about really liking the place but could not abide a leak.  I sympathized and told him I understood, I did not expect him to stay.  I did not tell him the leak was fixed.

Cost me 1 month's rent (place is already leased again but for next month) but worth every penny.

PeterM

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #442 on: February 23, 2013, 05:04:00 PM »
When we were still pregnant with our daughter, we decided not to let DH's sister babysit (or be alone with DD) for multiple reasons dealing with her mental health/behavior.  She expected to babysit DD, have DD sleep at her apartment, etc.  When we told her this was not going to happen, she initially "forgave us" for our decision. (A whole 'nother thread) But for months afterward, whenever the family was talking about our (not-born-yet) baby, she would sigh, "Well, I'm never going to have the relationship I want with my niece, so I'm not even going to bother trying to spend time with her." or "Well, since Weeblewobble and Mr. Weeble don't want me anywhere near the baby, I'll just stay home and wait until she's a few weeks old before I visit her."

We would say, "OK, then" or "That's your choice." instead of falling all over ourselves to assure her that wasn't what we meant.  She had a meltdown about how "mean" and "hateful" we were to say she would be such a uninvolved aunt.  We pretty much ignored it.

Is this the woman who wanted to practice chiropracty(sp?) on a newborn? Or is it a different nitwit altogether? Lord knows there are enough of them out there.

MariaE

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #443 on: February 23, 2013, 05:06:08 PM »
I just had a new tenant, not moved in yet, leave me several messages in the space of 2 hours about a "serious leak that needed prompt attention."  Unfortunately I'd left my phone in its charger and was out marketing (VERY unusual for me to be without my phone).  After I returned home I saw the messages and tried to call him back but he was not answering, nor responding to texts.  His last message to me was that the place was being destroyed by water, it was "uninhabitable" and he wanted all his money back.

I then raced over to his still empty place, thinking there was water running down the walls, stains on the ceiling, only to find the place completely dry and still freshly renovated.  There was a wet paper towel under the sink but that was all.  My normal response would be to call a plumber and apologize profusely to the tenant.  Instead, my husband said "Give him his cash and get the keys back immediately.  If he goes ballistic about a drip from the U-joint under the sink, imagine what a nightmare he will be if something really serious goes wrong."

I called the plumber who fixed the sink in 10 minutes.  Then sent an e-mail to the tenant about where we could meet to exchange money and keys.  Cue a phone call from said tenant who was sputtering about really liking the place but could not abide a leak.  I sympathized and told him I understood, I did not expect him to stay.  I did not tell him the leak was fixed.

Cost me 1 month's rent (place is already leased again but for next month) but worth every penny.

Wow... good riddance.

Yeah, sounds like you dodged a bullet there.
 
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MrTango

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #444 on: February 23, 2013, 05:47:15 PM »

Once was in the car with my mom. I was navigating an icy stretch of freeway with lots of slideoffs, and this is the time she wants to talk about how worried she is about her sister's health.


Mine once grabbed the steering wheel while I was driving in a snow-storm simply because I wasn't worried about  her leaving in the next few days. :o

If someone did that to me, I'd stop the car, kick them out on the side of the road, and drive away.  Wouldn't matter if it was pouring rain, hailing, or in the middle of a blizzard.

weeblewobble

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #445 on: February 23, 2013, 08:03:01 PM »
When we were still pregnant with our daughter, we decided not to let DH's sister babysit (or be alone with DD) for multiple reasons dealing with her mental health/behavior.  She expected to babysit DD, have DD sleep at her apartment, etc.  When we told her this was not going to happen, she initially "forgave us" for our decision. (A whole 'nother thread) But for months afterward, whenever the family was talking about our (not-born-yet) baby, she would sigh, "Well, I'm never going to have the relationship I want with my niece, so I'm not even going to bother trying to spend time with her." or "Well, since Weeblewobble and Mr. Weeble don't want me anywhere near the baby, I'll just stay home and wait until she's a few weeks old before I visit her."

We would say, "OK, then" or "That's your choice." instead of falling all over ourselves to assure her that wasn't what we meant.  She had a meltdown about how "mean" and "hateful" we were to say she would be such a uninvolved aunt.  We pretty much ignored it.

Is this the woman who wanted to practice chiropracty(sp?) on a newborn? Or is it a different nitwit altogether? Lord knows there are enough of them out there'.

Oh, no, different SIL all together.

Deetee

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #446 on: February 23, 2013, 09:23:31 PM »
I just had a new tenant, not moved in yet, leave me several messages in the space of 2 hours about a "serious leak that needed prompt attention."  Unfortunately I'd left my phone in its charger and was out marketing (VERY unusual for me to be without my phone).  After I returned home I saw the messages and tried to call him back but he was not answering, nor responding to texts.  His last message to me was that the place was being destroyed by water, it was "uninhabitable" and he wanted all his money back.

I then raced over to his still empty place, thinking there was water running down the walls, stains on the ceiling, only to find the place completely dry and still freshly renovated.  There was a wet paper towel under the sink but that was all.  My normal response would be to call a plumber and apologize profusely to the tenant.  Instead, my husband said "Give him his cash and get the keys back immediately.  If he goes ballistic about a drip from the U-joint under the sink, imagine what a nightmare he will be if something really serious goes wrong."

I called the plumber who fixed the sink in 10 minutes.  Then sent an e-mail to the tenant about where we could meet to exchange money and keys.  Cue a phone call from said tenant who was sputtering about really liking the place but could not abide a leak.  I sympathized and told him I understood, I did not expect him to stay.  I did not tell him the leak was fixed.

Cost me 1 month's rent (place is already leased again but for next month) but worth every penny.

That sounds like exactly the right decision. Your husband (and you ) were correct. One month lost rent is nothing compared to the agony that tenent would have caused you.

Otterpop

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #447 on: February 24, 2013, 12:22:02 AM »
Thank you MariaE and Deetee.  I feel better about getting rid of him 2 days into a 1 year lease.  He seemed perplexed when I was agreeing with him and practically shoving the money into his hand.  His poor wife was making excuses for his plethora of angry messages.  She speculated that I had more hidden plumbing issues and the place would be upended for weeks.  I just said "Oh yes, I might have to tear up the walls.  Good thing you didn't move your furniture in.  Sign here please, don't want to waste any more of your time.  Buh Bye!"

We all should do this more often to PA people.  Just give them what they want *rubs hands* Muahahahaha.  Then come here and post your victories.
« Last Edit: February 24, 2013, 12:41:53 AM by Otterpop »

Miss Tickle

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #448 on: February 24, 2013, 02:15:26 AM »
We used to entertain the people in the apartment next door for dinner on a regular basis. The female half at least, because after a while I stopped hosting her BF.  She'd devour everything, he'd complain, and the complaints were just nitpicky little things. I will go out of my way to accommodate a sensitivity, will outright tell the allergic they can't eat my food (can't guarantee a peanut free dish for example because DH likes peanut oil), but when someone can't find anything nice to say, to the point of grumbling at the table, well, you don't want to burden them with your obviously subpar cooking.  So, his GF and I agreed we'd only burden her, and only when he wasn't home for dinner anyway.

And boy was he mad about that!

I take it he was complaining because the things he could eat weren't what he wanted, and he was taking it out on his girlfriend?

Some people are just hard to please, no matter what you do.  If you tried to accommodate him, he should have been gracious about it.  I spent the night at a friend's house with a couple of other people for New Year's Eve several years ago, and she sliced up some apple in the morning and made us scrambled eggs.  The eggs...were awful.  But it was nice of her to cook for us, and everyone appreciated it.  (I stopped off for a breakfast sandwich afterwards, and didn't tell her.)

Oh, no, he has no allergies or anything like that, it's more like he'd say, "I didn't feel like having chicken tonight", "I prefer lasagna to spaghetti and meatballs, but this is okay I guess", or, "Oh, it's okay, but I don't like really vegetables."  That last one was particularly funny; I made a ratatouille to have with duck and my GF begged an invitation for dinner. They came over but he was angry and grouchy and came out with the vegetable comment.  It wasn't true, we all knew it, and we couldn't figure out why he'd say that. That was the PA remark that stopped the gravy train for a good long while.

When she left him she'd still come over all the time and eat with us, and eventually so did he, (not together, and my DH told me he didn't deserve it) but he never complained again. It was something between them, which is why I thought it was PA of him to take it out on me.

Sophia

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #449 on: February 24, 2013, 03:40:17 PM »
In college I was a waitress at a nice independent Italian place.  Food was really good. One guy came in EVERY evening and complained.  I remember one of his complaints was that the size of the fettucini was wrong.  I knew he was just complaining so I just nodded my head and went "ah ha".  After about a week or two, he stopped coming.  We were across the highway from a business hotel so that was common, and I was happy he was gone.  Then after about 3-4 weeks of absence, he came back and apologized for being gone and said he'd been in the hospital.  Then the next breath he complained about something.  I just looked at him like he had two heads.  He stopped complaining.