Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27

[siamesecat2965]

In college I was a waitress at a nice independent Italian place.  Food was really good. One guy came in EVERY evening and complained.  I remember one of his complaints was that the size of the fettucini was wrong.  I knew he was just complaining so I just nodded my head and went "ah ha".  After about a week or two, he stopped coming.  We were across the highway from a business hotel so that was common, and I was happy he was gone.  Then after about 3-4 weeks of absence, he came back and apologized for being gone and said he'd been in the hospital.  Then the next breath he complained about something.  I just looked at him like he had two heads.  He stopped complaining.

we have a customer in my store who complains, in minute detail, about everything. the quality of the merchandise, the styles, the ways things are made, pants lined or not, pockets being see-through on ivory pants, and much more nitpicky things like that.  She once brought back a pair of shoes because, and I kid you not, the stiching on the front, was literally a half a milimeter off from an identical pair in another color she had purchased. really?

we all jokingly call her "she who must not be named" because i swear every time you mention her name, she comes in. i've learned that while I can't be outright rude and ignore her, if i sort of walk and talk with her, but still keep doing what I'm doing, she gets tired of waiting for my undivided attention, and leaves. that's not to say i won't help her with her numerous returns when she's unsatisfied with the stuff she's bought, but I keep it professional, don't engage any more than I have to, and as soon as I'm done, I move away as soon as i can.

I sooo want to ask her, if you think our merchandise is so poor, and you ahve nothing good to say about it, WHY do you continue shopping here??

[CrochetFanatic]

Retail therapy would be my guess, but who knows?

[Library Dragon]

There was PA in charge of one church committee and every time she didn't get her way on a non-related matter she would threaten to resign.  The pastor and other parish council members would pacify her and beg her not to quit.  At one council meeting this was going on.  I waited til there was a quiet moment and said, 'I think we need to be respectful of PA's decision. If she doesn't want to be in charge of XYZ anymore we shouldn't try and bully her into changing her mind'.

There was a lot of eye blinking and the topic was quickly changed.  It never happened at a council meeting again.

[Piratelvr1121]

A friend that's getting divorced has a very pa husband. He whined to her once "I bet you'd be happy if I went skydiving and my parachute didn't open!"  He was trying to make her feel guilty and beg him not to go cause she'd miss him too much or something.

She rolled her eyes and reminded him it wouldn't do her any good since he didn't have life insurance.   

[PastryGoddess]

A friend that's getting divorced has a very pa husband. He whined to her once "I bet you'd be happy if I went skydiving and my parachute didn't open!"  He was trying to make her feel guilty and beg him not to go cause she'd miss him too much or something.

She rolled her eyes and reminded him it wouldn't do her any good since he didn't have life insurance.   

*slow clap* 

[wonderfullyanonymous]

One summer when I was in high school, I had been out of the house for at least a week. It was probably fair and band camp week, which meant I was getting all my meals outside of the house.

After everything was said and done, my mom told me to clean the kitchen. I asked why I had to do this, as there was not a single dirty dish in the house from me. I was given some dumb reason as to why my sister or brother couldn't do it. This was par for the course in my house.

I started slamming dishes into the dishwasher. She told me to stop, but I kept doing it. She told me if I slammed one more dish into the dishwasher, I would be grounded to my room, which is where I wanted to be in the first place.  So I took, and slammed one more plate into the dishwasher. Off to my room I went.

[Shalamar]

Um ... I'm kind of on your mom's side here.

[mbbored]

I'm in a club of about 10 people. The de facto leader clearly has her favorites and can be very PA about it. By this point everyone, including the "favorites," keep going despite the leader, not because of her. Last year we had two separate members get married (not to each other), Emily and Jane. Emily is one of Leader's favorites and Jane is clearly not. Leader turned one meeting into an engagement party for Emily, but left out Jane. Both women invited us to their bridal showers. Leader showed up to Emily's and not Jane's. Leader never RSVP'd to Jane's wedding and opted to go camping by herself that weekend but made a big deal about showing up to Emily's, talking about it for months beforehand and afterwards. For the record, Emily did not seek the attention and kept trying to redirect it away from her and towards Jane.

Now both Emily and Jane are expecting babies. During this week's meeting, Leader very dramatically announced that she was throwing a baby shower for Emily and told us the date. Everybody looked a little worried until Emily said "You're so sweet to offer, but that day is Jane's baby shower."

When Leader asked why she was the only one who didn't know about the shower, Jane said, "Well, you showed no interested in my engagement, bridal shower or wedding and didn't even react when I announced to the group I was pregnant, so I didn't want to Emily to waste her time making you an invitation."

And with that, we all walked out of the meeting.

[PeterM]

Um ... I'm kind of on your mom's side here.

Even without the backstory I presume was present, I'm not on Mom's side. If she's dumb enough to "punish" a kid by making them stop a hated chore and start doing something they want to do, she's on her own.

[starry diadem]

I'm in a club of about 10 people. The de facto leader clearly has her favorites and can be very PA about it. By this point everyone, including the "favorites," keep going despite the leader, not because of her. Last year we had two separate members get married (not to each other), Emily and Jane. Emily is one of Leader's favorites and Jane is clearly not. Leader turned one meeting into an engagement party for Emily, but left out Jane. Both women invited us to their bridal showers. Leader showed up to Emily's and not Jane's. Leader never RSVP'd to Jane's wedding and opted to go camping by herself that weekend but made a big deal about showing up to Emily's, talking about it for months beforehand and afterwards. For the record, Emily did not seek the attention and kept trying to redirect it away from her and towards Jane.

Now both Emily and Jane are expecting babies. During this week's meeting, Leader very dramatically announced that she was throwing a baby shower for Emily and told us the date. Everybody looked a little worried until Emily said "You're so sweet to offer, but that day is Jane's baby shower."

When Leader asked why she was the only one who didn't know about the shower, Jane said, "Well, you showed no interested in my engagement, bridal shower or wedding and didn't even react when I announced to the group I was pregnant, so I didn't want to Emily to waste her time making you an invitation."

And with that, we all walked out of the meeting.

Go Jane!  Any follow up?

[AngelicGamer]

Um ... I'm kind of on your mom's side here.

Even without the backstory I presume was present, I'm not on Mom's side. If she's dumb enough to "punish" a kid by making them stop a hated chore and start doing something they want to do, she's on her own.

The following has speculation due to what I know of HS band camp, due to friends being in band camp and dating a member of the drum section.

I can see how it fits and I'm on wonderfullyanonymous' side.  Child!wonderfullyanonymous was being PA and therefore given what she wanted because she was being PA.  However, band camp is not some low level activity where they're sitting inside practicing on music.  It's full out, all day practice outside in summer (or winter weather but that was due to punishment [majority of the band participated with the football team in a prank or something and the kids did a cone of silence*] and the parents were on board with it [Chicago winter]) and they are three things when it is done - tired, hungry, and tired again.  To ask a band kid to do chores during this type of week was a bad idea, especially since the mom probably was driving wonderfullyanonymous to the start of the very early days.

*I don't remember specifics because it was over 10 years ago.  Nobody got expelled or anything of the sort because it's football ( ) and our band walked on water due to being able to out-win the football team.  I do remember my then BF complaining to me about having to march in the snow and make like they were playing their instruments.

[MrTango]

Um ... I'm kind of on your mom's side here.

Me too.  If it were my kid, they'd be made to remove everything from the dishwasher and re-load it without slamming dishes.  If they were overly rough with any dishes on the second try, the punishment would be repeated.

Also, they would lose all privileges to electronics, driving, and basically anything except school and church for a couple weeks.

Edited for an even better punishment.

[Jones]

If my kid tried to rationally argue with me first (aka "I didn't even live here this week, I spent 80 hours on schoolwork") and I tried to force her to clean up after her sibs, I'd have to take her dish slamming with some expectation. Especially if I had threatened to give her what she wanted if she did it again.

Now, if the chore were to wash the laundry, and a portion of the laundry were hers, I'd have to be on the mom's side.

[weeblewobble]

Um ... I'm kind of on your mom's side here.

Even without the backstory I presume was present, I'm not on Mom's side. If she's dumb enough to "punish" a kid by making them stop a hated chore and start doing something they want to do, she's on her own.

While I don't agree with slamming the dishes around, I can understand why wonderfullyanonymous felt that way.  As the oldest sister in a family with a much coddled baby brother, I was frequently told to clean up brother's messes because he "couldn't'" do it himself.  Or would possible make a worse mess in the process of "trying" to clean up after himself.  (He was inept at cleaning. Inept like a fox.) 

I can remember many many occasions when my younger sister and I spent a good chunk of time meticulously cleaning our room, only to be told we weren't done yet. Brother "couldn't clean up his room" because it was too messy.  He claimed that it wasn't fair that we had help (each other) while he was all alone.  Pointing out that he'd made the mess alone just made my mom angry that we were talking back.  So we would clean his room while he laid on his bed and "directed" us by telling us what to keep and throw away.  If we complained about him lying around and not helping, Mom would yell to "just get it done!"

My sister and I* cleaned up the kitchen after dinner every night from the time I was 10. Was brother ever required to help? No.  When I went away to college, and sister was left doing the dishes alone every night, was brother required to help?  NO.

My sister and I did the laundry and ironing.  Brother was never required to help. When I went away to college, was brother required to help while sister was washing clothes HE wore to school every day?  NO.  Did brother wake her up one Saturday morning (her one day to sleep in) to call her a "stupid lazy lump" because he didn't have any clean underwear for some trip he was leaving for in ten minutes? YES. Did my sister get in trouble for jumping out of bed and punching brother in the face?  YES.

To this day, my parents don't understand why:

1) Brother is such a slob.

2) Why sister was OVERJOYED to leave for college, so she could scratch household duties from her to-do list, leaving just homework, extracurricular activities and her job on the campus.

3) We don't want to spend much time with brother, who hasn't really changed.

*My mom did plenty of work around the house and the cooking.  But she also worked full-time and was in the middle of a very difficult graduate program for most of my teen years.  And she wanted sister and I learn to contribute to the household.  I honestly think it just took too much effort to get brother to help, so she gave up and put the workload on us.

[ica171]

If my kid tried to rationally argue with me first (aka "I didn't even live here this week, I spent 80 hours on schoolwork") and I tried to force her to clean up after her sibs, I'd have to take her dish slamming with some expectation. Especially if I had threatened to give her what she wanted if she did it again.

Now, if the chore were to wash the laundry, and a portion of the laundry were hers, I'd have to be on the mom's side.

I have to agree. I'll be completely honest here and say that a big part of the reason that my son's usual daily chore is dishes is because I don't want to do three loads a day myself, so I make him do one. When I read that post, that seemed to be the same situation to me--Mom doesn't want to do the dishes, oh look, here's a child to do them for her.