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Author Topic: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27  (Read 303341 times)

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PastryGoddess

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #435 on: February 24, 2013, 08:35:08 PM »
A friend that's getting divorced has a very pa husband. He whined to her once "I bet you'd be happy if I went skydiving and my parachute didn't open!"  He was trying to make her feel guilty and beg him not to go cause she'd miss him too much or something.

She rolled her eyes and reminded him it wouldn't do her any good since he didn't have life insurance.   >:D



*slow clap* 

wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #436 on: February 24, 2013, 09:12:50 PM »
One summer when I was in high school, I had been out of the house for at least a week. It was probably fair and band camp week, which meant I was getting all my meals outside of the house.

After everything was said and done, my mom told me to clean the kitchen. I asked why I had to do this, as there was not a single dirty dish in the house from me. I was given some dumb reason as to why my sister or brother couldn't do it. This was par for the course in my house.

I started slamming dishes into the dishwasher. She told me to stop, but I kept doing it. She told me if I slammed one more dish into the dishwasher, I would be grounded to my room, which is where I wanted to be in the first place.  So I took, and slammed one more plate into the dishwasher. Off to my room I went.


mbbored

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #437 on: February 25, 2013, 12:06:15 AM »
I'm in a club of about 10 people. The de facto leader clearly has her favorites and can be very PA about it. By this point everyone, including the "favorites," keep going despite the leader, not because of her. Last year we had two separate members get married (not to each other), Emily and Jane. Emily is one of Leader's favorites and Jane is clearly not. Leader turned one meeting into an engagement party for Emily, but left out Jane. Both women invited us to their bridal showers. Leader showed up to Emily's and not Jane's. Leader never RSVP'd to Jane's wedding and opted to go camping by herself that weekend but made a big deal about showing up to Emily's, talking about it for months beforehand and afterwards. For the record, Emily did not seek the attention and kept trying to redirect it away from her and towards Jane.

Now both Emily and Jane are expecting babies. During this week's meeting, Leader very dramatically announced that she was throwing a baby shower for Emily and told us the date. Everybody looked a little worried until Emily said "You're so sweet to offer, but that day is Jane's baby shower."

When Leader asked why she was the only one who didn't know about the shower, Jane said, "Well, you showed no interested in my engagement, bridal shower or wedding and didn't even react when I announced to the group I was pregnant, so I didn't want to Emily to waste her time making you an invitation."

And with that, we all walked out of the meeting.

PeterM

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #438 on: February 25, 2013, 12:29:40 AM »
Um ... I'm kind of on your mom's side here.

Even without the backstory I presume was present, I'm not on Mom's side. If she's dumb enough to "punish" a kid by making them stop a hated chore and start doing something they want to do, she's on her own.

starry diadem

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #439 on: February 25, 2013, 01:09:03 AM »
I'm in a club of about 10 people. The de facto leader clearly has her favorites and can be very PA about it. By this point everyone, including the "favorites," keep going despite the leader, not because of her. Last year we had two separate members get married (not to each other), Emily and Jane. Emily is one of Leader's favorites and Jane is clearly not. Leader turned one meeting into an engagement party for Emily, but left out Jane. Both women invited us to their bridal showers. Leader showed up to Emily's and not Jane's. Leader never RSVP'd to Jane's wedding and opted to go camping by herself that weekend but made a big deal about showing up to Emily's, talking about it for months beforehand and afterwards. For the record, Emily did not seek the attention and kept trying to redirect it away from her and towards Jane.

Now both Emily and Jane are expecting babies. During this week's meeting, Leader very dramatically announced that she was throwing a baby shower for Emily and told us the date. Everybody looked a little worried until Emily said "You're so sweet to offer, but that day is Jane's baby shower."

When Leader asked why she was the only one who didn't know about the shower, Jane said, "Well, you showed no interested in my engagement, bridal shower or wedding and didn't even react when I announced to the group I was pregnant, so I didn't want to Emily to waste her time making you an invitation."

And with that, we all walked out of the meeting.

Go Jane!  Any follow up?
Mysterious ravens go after local farmer's potatoes


AngelicGamer

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #440 on: February 25, 2013, 03:13:20 AM »
Um ... I'm kind of on your mom's side here.

Even without the backstory I presume was present, I'm not on Mom's side. If she's dumb enough to "punish" a kid by making them stop a hated chore and start doing something they want to do, she's on her own.

The following has speculation due to what I know of HS band camp, due to friends being in band camp and dating a member of the drum section.

I can see how it fits and I'm on wonderfullyanonymous' side.  Child!wonderfullyanonymous was being PA and therefore given what she wanted because she was being PA.  However, band camp is not some low level activity where they're sitting inside practicing on music.  It's full out, all day practice outside in summer (or winter weather but that was due to punishment [majority of the band participated with the football team in a prank or something and the kids did a cone of silence*] and the parents were on board with it [Chicago winter]) and they are three things when it is done - tired, hungry, and tired again.  To ask a band kid to do chores during this type of week was a bad idea, especially since the mom probably was driving wonderfullyanonymous to the start of the very early days.

*I don't remember specifics because it was over 10 years ago.  Nobody got expelled or anything of the sort because it's football ( >:( ::) ) and our band walked on water due to being able to out-win the football team.  I do remember my then BF complaining to me about having to march in the snow and make like they were playing their instruments.



MrTango

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #441 on: February 25, 2013, 07:13:05 AM »
Um ... I'm kind of on your mom's side here.

Me too.  If it were my kid, they'd be made to remove everything from the dishwasher and re-load it without slamming dishes.  If they were overly rough with any dishes on the second try, the punishment would be repeated.

Also, they would lose all privileges to electronics, driving, and basically anything except school and church for a couple weeks.

Edited for an even better punishment.
« Last Edit: February 25, 2013, 07:17:26 AM by MrTango »

Jones

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #442 on: February 25, 2013, 07:41:03 AM »
If my kid tried to rationally argue with me first (aka "I didn't even live here this week, I spent 80 hours on schoolwork") and I tried to force her to clean up after her sibs, I'd have to take her dish slamming with some expectation. Especially if I had threatened to give her what she wanted if she did it again.

Now, if the chore were to wash the laundry, and a portion of the laundry were hers, I'd have to be on the mom's side.
A real desire to believe all the good you can of others and to make others as comfortable as you can will solve most of the problems. CS Lewis

weeblewobble

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #443 on: February 25, 2013, 07:55:20 AM »
Um ... I'm kind of on your mom's side here.

Even without the backstory I presume was present, I'm not on Mom's side. If she's dumb enough to "punish" a kid by making them stop a hated chore and start doing something they want to do, she's on her own.

While I don't agree with slamming the dishes around, I can understand why wonderfullyanonymous felt that way.  As the oldest sister in a family with a much coddled baby brother, I was frequently told to clean up brother's messes because he "couldn't'" do it himself.  Or would possible make a worse mess in the process of "trying" to clean up after himself.  (He was inept at cleaning. Inept like a fox.) 

I can remember many many occasions when my younger sister and I spent a good chunk of time meticulously cleaning our room, only to be told we weren't done yet. Brother "couldn't clean up his room" because it was too messy.  He claimed that it wasn't fair that we had help (each other) while he was all alone.  Pointing out that he'd made the mess alone just made my mom angry that we were talking back.  So we would clean his room while he laid on his bed and "directed" us by telling us what to keep and throw away.  If we complained about him lying around and not helping, Mom would yell to "just get it done!"

My sister and I* cleaned up the kitchen after dinner every night from the time I was 10. Was brother ever required to help? No.  When I went away to college, and sister was left doing the dishes alone every night, was brother required to help?  NO.

My sister and I did the laundry and ironing.  Brother was never required to help. When I went away to college, was brother required to help while sister was washing clothes HE wore to school every day?  NO.  Did brother wake her up one Saturday morning (her one day to sleep in) to call her a "stupid lazy lump" because he didn't have any clean underwear for some trip he was leaving for in ten minutes? YES. Did my sister get in trouble for jumping out of bed and punching brother in the face?  YES.

To this day, my parents don't understand why:

1) Brother is such a slob.

2) Why sister was OVERJOYED to leave for college, so she could scratch household duties from her to-do list, leaving just homework, extracurricular activities and her job on the campus.

3) We don't want to spend much time with brother, who hasn't really changed.

*My mom did plenty of work around the house and the cooking.  But she also worked full-time and was in the middle of a very difficult graduate program for most of my teen years.  And she wanted sister and I learn to contribute to the household.  I honestly think it just took too much effort to get brother to help, so she gave up and put the workload on us.
« Last Edit: February 25, 2013, 07:57:00 AM by weeblewobble »

ica171

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #444 on: February 25, 2013, 08:07:11 AM »
If my kid tried to rationally argue with me first (aka "I didn't even live here this week, I spent 80 hours on schoolwork") and I tried to force her to clean up after her sibs, I'd have to take her dish slamming with some expectation. Especially if I had threatened to give her what she wanted if she did it again.

Now, if the chore were to wash the laundry, and a portion of the laundry were hers, I'd have to be on the mom's side.

I have to agree. I'll be completely honest here and say that a big part of the reason that my son's usual daily chore is dishes is because I don't want to do three loads a day myself, so I make him do one. When I read that post, that seemed to be the same situation to me--Mom doesn't want to do the dishes, oh look, here's a child to do them for her.

Margo

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #445 on: February 25, 2013, 08:27:31 AM »
A professional acquaintance of mine once tired to give a (not very P)A person what they wanted...
I was working as a very junior lawyer, and was at court with a client and a more senior lawyer.
Client was very difficult - he would ignore the advice he was given, argue with us about what the law was, and, on a regular basis, threaten to 'sack' us as his lawyers.

On this occasion, after having followed him out of the building once to persuade him to come back after he had waltzed off in a huff. He again threatened to sack us, at which point my colleague snapped.

"OK, Mr X. No problem.Here's a  notice of acting in person to show you'll be acting for yourself, and we'll ask for that to be handed into court for the Judge. All you need to do is sign here, and we can be off and let you get on with things."

There was a long pause, and he then asked us to continue to act. It cured him of threatening to sack us, at least for a while. Unfortunately it didn't stop him complaining at my inability to change the entire English Legal system to suit his convenience, and I never was able to persuade him to instruct someone else.

It does amuse me how many terrible clients seem to believe that the Worst Possible Threat they can make is to say they'll go elsewhere. I think every client I have ever had who has threatened that has been one where my (honest) response would be "What an excellent idea. Would you like me to call [new lawyer] to make an appointment for you?" (I once managed to kill two birds with one stone by referring a very difficult and unpleasant client on to a very difficult and unpleanant lawyer in Next Town)

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #446 on: February 25, 2013, 08:42:21 AM »
When my kids say "But I didn't make that mess!" It irritates me. As a sahm/housewife, it's a regular part of my day to clean up messes that other people make.  If I only cleaned up messes I made, our house would be a pigsty.   So when I ask my older two boys to pitch in and help me to clean up a common room of the house such as the room their computer is in, or the living room and they say "But I didn't make that mess, why should I have to clean it up?", they don't get sent to their room, they get more work to do. 

They have chores anyway that involve cleaning up messes others make, such as doing dishes and scooping litter boxes.  The youngest doesn't have chores yet, being almost 16 months, but when prompted he will pick up his toys and put them in a container. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

bloo

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #447 on: February 25, 2013, 09:27:49 AM »
When my kids say "But I didn't make that mess!" It irritates me. As a sahm/housewife, it's a regular part of my day to clean up messes that other people make.  If I only cleaned up messes I made, our house would be a pigsty.   So when I ask my older two boys to pitch in and help me to clean up a common room of the house such as the room their computer is in, or the living room and they say "But I didn't make that mess, why should I have to clean it up?", they don't get sent to their room, they get more work to do. 

They have chores anyway that involve cleaning up messes others make, such as doing dishes and scooping litter boxes.  The youngest doesn't have chores yet, being almost 16 months, but when prompted he will pick up his toys and put them in a container.

This is exactly the way I feel. I'm a WAHM (work-at-home-mom) and it really aggravates me to hear that too!

Since Mom & Pop are funding bandcamp or whatever, everyone should pitch in and help. When my kids have a special activity that  takes them away from their regularly scheduled chores, DH & I roll up our sleeves and do their jobs because...well, they still have to get done. So I will not tolerate "I didn't make that mess!"

I totally understand a kid feeling aggravated at having to clean up someone else's mess when their tired from a long day, too, but it's good training for adulthood when you find yourself cleaning up after other people either at home, work, the park or whatever.

Note to Weeble: I totally understand your sister's Low Ted Tolerance! That was beyond-the-pale not fair to you and sis.

MommyPenguin

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #448 on: February 25, 2013, 10:07:12 AM »
My technique for a kid whining about a chore they're asked to do (or taking forever to do it, etc.), is that they get another chore to do after they finish that one.  So they have to finish their current chore and then do another.  Originally this was just for whining, but my oldest is now assigned to fold a basket of kid laundry sometimes.  She'll take about ten minutes to fold a single item if she isn't nudged along.  So I set a timer for 20 minutes.  If she finishes in 20 minutes, she's done.  If she doesn't, she still needs to finish that load, and then she has another load to do after that.  It works *great*.  Chore gets done fast, and then she can get on with other things.  If she dawdles, oh well, at least more laundry gets folded.  (She isn't able to keep up with kid laundry on her own, so I do some of the loads, so there's always a second load available).  I think it's a lot more effective than being sent to one's room. 

However, my youngest is only 2.5 and a little unclear on cleaning up after herself.  If she does something like dump out a box of crayons and then not clean it up, she'll go in a timeout, and I'll bring her the box of crayons and scoop the crayons up and put them on the floor next to her, and she's in a timeout until she gets it done.  Yes, moving the crayons and the box to the timeout corner is a little silly, as I could just put them in the box, but I'm trying to teach her to clean up after herself, so that she doesn't end up being the little brother in weeblewobble's story who doesn't know how to clean up after himself because his two big sisters do it for him.
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #449 on: February 25, 2013, 10:21:27 AM »
That is a great idea, and I plan to utilize that one, as my boys seem to have the same mentality that if they either a) do the chore quickly and poorly or b) slowly and poorly, they won't be asked to do it again.  My grandmother used to say "Lazy people have double work" and that's a fine way to make that point! :)  Whenever our boys try to rush through and do things halfway, they are sent back to do it again as many times as it takes to get the job done properly.

I like the idea with your toddler too so that she also gets the idea that well done chores done in a reasonable amount of time have their own rewards. :)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata