Ex husband was champion of PA behavior! Here is just a snippet of the joys of daily life with him -
- At random times he would simply ask "why do you hate me?", or declare that I would be happy when he dead.
- He'd ask if I wanted to go somewhere, and I say "sure, let me change clothes/grab my purse/etc" only to come back to find that he was pulling out of the driveway. Of course I fell for the cat and mouse game every time and chased him down. "You weren't ready when I was so I figured that meant you didn't want to go"
-He regularly told me that the average woman was a size 6 and did I know that underweight woman had healthier babies? Followed with "not that it matters because you don't love me enough to have my kids anyway."
-I'd ask him to at least get his dishes to the counter for me to load into the dishwasher - "FINE! Never cook for me again!" and also the classic I'LL TAKE ALL MY LAUNDRY TO THE DRY CLEANERS! because i asked if he could get his clothes into the hamper. This happened at least several times a year. Funny how I still had to keep cooking and cleaning!
-However, sometimes I'd make something and he'd look at it and go "oh, that doesn't look good, I'm going out" and he would. Or he'd ask for something specific and then call from work to say he decided to go the baseball game with a coworker - after it was already in the oven. Or, I didn't happen to have breakfast ready by the time he came down from getting ready for work which of course could only mean one thing - I GUESS YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE! That was also the classic line if I didn't have his work clothes picked out for him by the time he thought it should be done.
-He'd occasionally ask "aren't those pants kind of slutty for work?" When I'd get into the office I'd ask someone and they'd laugh at me until they realized I was asking a serious question.
-I planned and replanned our wedding three times because he would all of a sudden decide the date wouldn't work.
-We'd be out for what appeared to be a decent evening with people and then we'd get in the car and he'd turn to me and say "I can't believe you would embarrass me like that!" and proceed to tear me a new one. Of course he'd never fess up to what I had actually done. I suppose I should have been grateful to be out at all though because every single time we went out he'd pull the "you don't really have to go. you don't even want to go right?" a few times we even set out and he turned around to take me back home because he decided i didn't really want to go did I? commence begging from me!
-The issue of having kids was when I finally saw my chance to get out though. Crazily enough I didn't like his genius plan to have me be his wife, and he'd find another woman to have kids with. When I didn't go for that, he declared, well maybe we should get separated then. And I said - you know what? maybe we should! CHECKMATE! It was a long and crazy ordeal full of other PA behaviors (i'm going to kill myself, yada yada, the whole nine yards), but I did eventually get away!
These seem so funny now because they are just so utterly ridiculous, it almost embarrasses me to think that I thought this was normal. And this is just the PA stuff, the downright regular aggressive stuff is crazy too. The story does have a happy ending though - I met an absolute doll of a man who I have been married to for three years now and we have a wonderful, happy and healthy marriage. I don't take it for granted for a second!